Truth Keeper
by Devadata
Summary: FINALLY UPDATED! --- When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy’s games, an important force in Spike’s past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths. BS
1. Tired

Truth Keeper Author: Devadata (devadevil02@hotmail.com)   
Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.  
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)   
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.     
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. Author's Note: This is my first fiction, so if it sucks, sorry. Please, I beg you, R&R. Tell me how to make this better!   
  
Chapter One - Tired 

Buffy walked between the gravestones with heavy steps. She didn't want to be out tonight. She wanted to be curled up in her bed with Mr.Gordo clutched tightly in her arms and Sarah McLaughlin playing quietly as she tried to sleep. She didn't want to be wandering in a cemetery looking for the fresh grave of yet another soon to be vampire. She didn't care about it all anymore. She didn't see the point for her to hall ass to go kill yet another vampire after yet another eight hour shift at Double Meat Palace while she reeked of imitation meat and barely made enough money to pay the bills to do a job she never wanted and was never thanked for. But this was her calling and at least she'd get to hit something. And at least she wasn't in _his_ cemetery. Clutching her stake tighter, she walked on, looking forward to killing anything that got in her way. 

Stopping and listening, Buffy turned around slowly. Shaking her head and smiling she turned back around and was about to continue when the one thing she didn't want to see tonight was standing there frozen ten gravestones down staring at her with a pained but angry look on his face. Instantly she was beside him, her fist smashing into his face and sending him flying backwards into a nearby tree. 

"What are you doing here Spike? Stalking me again? Trying to get me to change my mind? Because I'm serious this time. It's over." Buffy stalked towards Spike angrily as he stood up and rubbed his jaw.

"Oh, for fuck's sake Slayer. Get over yourself. I wasn't bloody well stalking you."

"Really? And why would a believe that?"

"Because if I was would I have let myself get caught by you like a deer in headlights? No. I was walking across the bleeding grave yard minding my own business." 

"Not your graveyard." Buffy crossed her arms across her chest and waited for his explanation. She knew he was doing it again, trying to weasel back into her life. It hadn't even been twelve hours since she had told him it was over and he was already at it again. She didn't know if she could handle him anymore.

A Spike took a long, unneeded breath and smiled faintly. "No, it's not. But funny thing is, something happened to my crypt and now I'm having to shop for a new home. Thought I'd check out the crypts on this side of town for a change of scenery." 

She stared at him angrily but thought about what he said. It actually made sense. If he weren't Spike, Buffy would have believed him. But he was Spike. And Spike always had ulterior motives. Usually involving her death or getting into bed with her. Buffy was about to speak when he pushed by her and headed in the direction he had been walking in before. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to keep on looking for a place to live before the sun makes my home an urn. I'd love to stay and chat, but – oh wait, I really don't." 

Spike's stride got larger as he stalked away. If Spike had one wish that night, it would be to not see her. Since she walked out of the rubble of his home that afternoon, he had thought about a lot. Actually, he had thought the same thing over and over again, once the gut-wrenching pain that her words caused subsided: tired of it. This game with Buffy was not what he wanted. The cycle they kept repeating was getting more and more frustrating and more and more ugly. He was sick of it. For the first time since he had laid eyes on Buffy, all he wanted to do was get away from her. For this first time since he had first smelt her and heard her heart beat, he wanted to be as far away from her as possible so that his heightened senses would stop torturing him.

"Spike, the day I cross your path and your main goal isn't to harass me is the day hell freezes over. At least you're being an adult for once and walking away in defeat without more embarrassment." Buffy spat before she even had time to think. Never had his voice had such a cold tone to it. It wasn't a cold because it was full of hatred or pain though. It was cold because for the first time since Buffy had met Spike, his voice held no emotion. And for the first time since he had walked into her life, Buffy didn't have any clue to what he was feeling. This scared her more than anything she had ever faced. So Buffy did what she knew best when it came to Spike – she started a verbal war. But Spike just stopped walking. He didn't turn around and he didn't reply with his usual cutting retort. He just stood there. He stood there completely still and all Buffy could manage to do was to stare at his figure in the shadows. After what seemed like hours, although it was only a few minutes Buffy heard him take another unneeded breath.

"I'm tired Buffy. For the first time since I came to this bloody town you have made me tired. You know this game we've been playing? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the stupid bloody dance and the fucking circles we dance in." As Spike spoke, his accent started to take on its original upper class affectation. "I'm not frustrated by it, or laughing at it, or angered or enjoying it. I am, for the first time in a hundred and twenty-six years tired of it all. So I'm going to walk away now. I'm not going to give you a retort, hell, I'm not even going to turn around and look at you." 

As Spike started to walk away again, Buffy felt a familiar feeling wash over her. That panicked feeling she felt the moment before yet another person in her life left her. And before Buffy realized what she was doing she found herself running after Spike. Grabbing him by the arm, she spun him around. "So that's it? You're just leaving? What about – "

"I'm not bloody well leaving, Slayer! I promised the Nibblet I would never leave her and I promised you I'd protect her. I don't break promises. I thought at the least you would have learned that by now." Spike spat the words, never looking at Buffy face. Turning away he stalked off, pausing and turning his head he looked Buffy directly in the eyes, his crystal blue ones penetrating her so deeply Buffy almost shrank away from him. "I'm tired of loving someone who hates me in return," he whispered, as he turned away and disappeared into the night. 

Buffy just stood there, mouth open staring at the spot where he stood. She didn't know what to do or how to react to what Spike had said, so her brain did the only thing it could, shut itself down for a moment while it processed all the information and meaning that single sentence provided. 

After a few minutes, Buffy slowly turned around and walked to the nearest gravestone and leaned against it. _What have I done? Her brain kept on repeating that one thought over and over. She didn't know why, but that was the one thought her brain could manage. _

_What have I done?_

Buffy began to try and figure out the mixture of feeling that were gnawing at her stomach, none that she thought she was meant to feel in regards to the bleached demon, when a loud crash came from the other side of a small mausoleum near where she first saw Spike.__


	2. Pyjamas and Demigods

Truth Keeper Author: Devadata (devadevil02@hotmail.com)   
Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.  
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)   
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.     
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. Author's Note: This is my first fiction, so if it sucks, sorry. Please, I beg you, R&R. Tell me how to make this better! Chapter 2 – Pyjamas and Demigods 

Instinctively, Buffy spun to face the sound and jumped into a defensive stance. As she did, a small figure came flying out from behind the mausoleum and crashed into a nearby headstone, shattering it with the force of the collision. The figure jumped up just as a large demon came barreling around the mausoleum in pursuit.

Buffy jumped into immediate action. With a series of flips, Buffy was in front of the demon and delivering a kick to its large torso. 

Before Buffy could administer the series of kicks and punches that was her normal routine in slaying, the demon had barreled forward, flicking Buffy away like a fly. She flew across the cemetery and landed in a heap near the mausoleum the demon had initially appeared from behind. She landed with a loud thud and pain shot through her body. Buffy dazedly looked up and tried to get her bearings so she could get back in the fight when she noticed the small figure she had all but forgotten about circling with the demon in the darkness. With preternatural speed that even made Buffy blink in shock, the figure had reined a series of kicks, punches and jabs that had the demon pinned up against a tree. Before Buffy had blinked again, she watched as the now decidedly female figure grabbed the large demon and, with a flick of her wrist, snapped its neck. It crumpled to the ground and the girl kicked the demon in what seemed like annoyance.

"Bloody well try to sacrifice me to some demigod. I think not." Buffy heard her mumble as the girl leisurely walked away from the demon's now dissolving form. As she walked out of the shadows, Buffy finally got a good look at the being that had just brought down a demon that would have been a challenge for her in thirty seconds flat. What Buffy saw made her blink in shock again – the being was a girl, in pajamas. But not just a girl, a vision that even made Buffy think _wow._

At about 5'6" the girl had extremely long, dark red hair that contrasted with her skin, which seemed to almost glow in the moonlight. As her face became clearer, Buffy could see large, bright green eyes, a perfect nose, and full, lips. And she was only wearing pajamas, a pair of large, black men's pajama bottoms with a small burgundy tank top.

As she walked towards Buffy, she suddenly stumbled, grabbing her foot in pain. "Bugger! Bloody stone in my bloody way! Really not what I need tonight." She yelled in a polished British accent that made Giles sound 'common' as she looked up at the stars in frustration, almost as if they were a person she was directing the comment towards. Continuing towards Buffy, she mumbled to herself, "He says go to LA before you start work. Visit this guy I know, you'll love him. Forgets to mention a demon bar and the fact that some half-wit demon will get the grand idea that I will be a perfect sacrifice. He probably knew exactly what would happen. When I see him again…"

As the girl got closer, Buffy jumped into her fighting stance, forgetting the pain she was in. The girl paused, looked Buffy up and down, and continued towards Buffy casually, only stopping as Buffy jumped up and took a defensive stance. 

"Hello. You're the slayer, right? Before you attack, let me just point out I'm not a demon." Buffy looked at her skeptically, remaining ready to fight. "I'm an immortal. Well, not an _immortal immortal. I just don't die. I'm a Keeper. Well, a record keeper if you want to be technical. I work for the Powers. Like Whistler, you're the Slayer that's met Whistler right?"_

"And all this rambling is supposed to convince me that I should relax after seeing you kill a demon five times your size like he was a fly?"

"She, actually. Really, I'm not evil. I've got a soul, not a human soul, thank the Powers, but a soul. The council of watchers is still pushing the importance of that one right? Anyways, I bumped into this demon at a bar in LA and she decides that Keeper's blood would be the perfect sacrifice to her god. Not even a real god, but a demigod. Bloody moron. Follows me home, drugs and kidnaps me. Hence the outfit or lack there of. I mean really! Have you even heard of manners on this continent? She could have at least grabbed me more to wear than an undershirt. It's rather cold this time of year. Anyways, you don't have to worry about killing me. I'm perfectly harmless. Okay, well not really. I'm pretty much anything but harmless if the situation calls for violence. But on a regular basis, I'm not into the whole fighting thing. Far too much of an effort. We haven't had a proper introduction yet, have we? I'm Arabella Louise Montgomery," she stepped forward and held out her hand to Buffy, who took it hesitantly. "I work for the Powers. You must be the legendary Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's definitely going to be interesting knowing you. That's why I'm here, well why I was going to be here, next week. But I guess…"

"What? Could you please stop talking for five seconds," Buffy crossed her arms across her chest and stared angrily at Arabella. "Why do you know who I am?"

"Oh, well, I was actually pretty much finished, and I mean, you are the bloody slayer, the best slayer since I've been around. You are kind of well known."

"Really?"


	3. Who Are You?

Truth Keeper Author: Devadata (devadevil02@hotmail.com)   
Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.  
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)   
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.     
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. 

Author's Note: This is my first fiction, so if it sucks, sorry. Please, I beg you, R&R. Tell me how to make this better!

Chapter 3 

Buffy and Arabella walked silently down the street. Every few seconds, Buffy eyed the strange woman beside her warily, trying to understand who, or what, she actually was. The tension in the air was palpable.

Abruptly, Arabella stopped and wrapped her arms about herself.

"Where are we going?"

"Why?"

"It's rather chilly. Especially when you're practically wearing nothing. I was hoping we'd get there soon. Also, my feet are quite sore."

"Oh. The Magic Box. We'll be there in less than five minutes." Buffy started walking again.

"Right." Giving her arms one more rub in an attempt to worm them up. "You really aren't fond of new people are you?"

_I don't actually know if you're a person._ Buffy thought to herself. "Sorry. Kind of confused here."

"It's perfectly understandable that you don't trust me. It's in your nature."

"Yeah…" _Nature??_ Buffy didn't know how to react to the casual way Arabella said this. What did she know about Buffy's nature? She didn't know what to think or how to react to half of what Arabella said. The fact that she seemed to know so much about her was unnerving. Especially how she said things in such a casual way. Kind of like Spike.

_Now there's a subject I don't want to get into._ Buffy was glad that Arabella had shown up when she did for one reason: it stopped her from thinking about a certain vampire and any emotions that she might just be harboring for him. Of course, there actually weren't any. _He was just saying all those things to play with my mind._

Buffy suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Whipping around in fright, she swung a powerful fist at the owner hand, only to have it casually catch it before it could connect.

"God, don't do that!"

"Sorry, I said your name beforehand. Caught up in your thoughts?"

"Yes… No! I mean, what?" Buffy shook her head and looked at Arabella, wondering if she could read minds too.

"I asked if you were caught up in your thoughts?"

"Not that kind of what." Buffy rolled her eyes. The way she said that was just like a certain bleached…_not going to go there._ "What do you want?"

Arabella smirked. _Okay, a little bit to similar to the vampire who shall remained nameless._

"The Magic Box."

"Huh?"

"It's a store, right?"

"Yeah."

"That we're heading towards?"

"Yeah…"

"It's right there." She pointed to down the street, where they had just passed.

"Oh…Oh! Um, let's go there then." Buffy quickly headed towards the shop. Hoping that Arabella couldn't see the shade of red she was sure her face had turned.

As they entered the shop, Buffy was relieved to see that almost all the Scoobies were gathered. Xander and Willow sat in their usual positions at the table. Willow was typing away at her laptop while Xander, well Buffy wasn't sure what Xander was doing. He seemed to be just sitting there staring off into space with a small, content smile on his face. Following his gaze, Buffy smiled. He was staring off into Anya as she busied herself at the cash register.

When the doorbells chimed, all three looked up in greeting.

"Hey Bu – " Xander trailed off as he saw the woman who followed Buffy into the shop. Before he could pick his jaw up off the table and react to the stranger a high-pitched squeal was emitted from his fiancé. 

"Arabella!?!"

"Anyanka!"

The two women were suddenly in each other's arms squealing and laughing like to schoolgirls. 

"Bloody hell woman, what on earth are you doing here? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I should be asking you that. How are you?"

"Don't get me started." Arabella looked Anya up and down. "Dear Powers, are you human?"

"Yes. And I'm engaged. And have money." Anya smiled her brightest smile as she and Arabella absently sat down on the steps leading to the main part of the shop.

"Let me see." Arabella grabbed Anya's left hand and began to dutifully examine the engagement ring to Anya's delight. "Give me details."

"His name is Xander. He's over there. I love him very much. And he loves me." Anya beamed brightly at Xander. Not taking in the confused look he and the other two in the room were sharing. "Even more than money. The wedding is in a week. I tried to get you an invitation, but Henry said you were on retreat. You will come?"

"I wouldn't miss it. Why are you human? I mean, it explains your sudden disappearance a few years back. I asked Hoffie, but he refused to talk about it. I thought you were dead! Even though, really, not possible. Well it is now, but we won't talk about that. Anyways, I've missed you! And what are you doing here of all places, with the Slayer? Kind of strange, really." 

Anya was about to answer when Xander cleared his voice.

"Um hi, Xander here. The fiancé. Just out of curiosity, who are you, why are you here, and should we be afraid of making wishes or anything around you?" He looked expectantly at the two women, the expression on his face mirrored by Buffy and Willow.

"This is Arabella. She's not a demon, although much more powerful than one. But she won't hurt you. She's good."

"And for some reason I'm still saying, huh?"

Arabella stepped forward with a bright smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I never thought I'd see the day when a man got Anyanka's heart." She stepped forward and gave him a light hug. Xander stood there, not reacting with an even more confused look on his face. 

Willow stood from her chair and walked over to the keeper. Giving a small wave she said, "Hi, I'm Willow. So you're old friends with Anya? How old? Because, I mean, Anya's old. Like 1200. But I guess you already knew that since you're friends with her. How old are you anyways? If you're not a demon, but know demons, are you a witch? I'm a witch. Well I was a witch. But not anymore, no spells here. No-siree. I'm a magic free woman… I'm going to sit down now." Willow hastily made a retreat to her computer where she sat down nervously. 

"I'm not a witch. I'm about 750 give or take a few years." Arabella smiled warmly, instantly liking the red headed girl who seemed so meek, although she could sense the power radiating from her. "I would love to explain everything to you, but I really must make some phone calls. I'm not supposed to be here. Yet. A bloody Shenhrak demon decided that I would be the perfect sacrifice to the demigod she worships. So she kidnaps me from my bed and brings me here. Killed her of course. So now I'm here, in my pyjamas and nothing else. I was coming here on business next week anyways, so I figure this is just the Powers way of telling me to hurry up. Really must talk to them about their form of memos. You'd think it would be easier to just call or email. So, as I was saying, I need to make a few calls. Tell a few people I'm alright and get my belongings and finances sent here tomorrow. Is it all right if Anya explains who I am while I get that done? I'm rather bored of the story myself."

Buffy stepped forward, preparing to demand Arabella for explanations, but before she could Anya was ushering her into the office while Arabella reassured her she would pay for the long distance bills and not use any of Anya's money. Anya came out laughing at something and sat down at the table.

Xander and Willow just sat there, staring at where the strange British woman had been standing. Still trying to absorb that she could say so much in such a short amount of time. 

Buffy stepped forward and placed her hands on her hips. Looking at Anya with an expression between anger and annoyance, she demanded in full Slayer-mode, "I want answer, _now_. And since whoever or whatever that is in there doesn't seem to see the significance of this fact, you are going to give them to me."

Anya smiled brightly. "Arabella asked me to. You might want to sit down, this is complicated. I just have to get a book that Giles keeps behind the counter and I'll start."

Anya calmly walked over to the counter and ducked down. When she reappeared she had a large, old book in her hands. Dropping it on the counter, she started to flip through the book leisurely. All eyes were on her, waiting anxiously for her explanation. Stopping her flipping she looked up brightly. "Ari's a anuñhàti for the Powers."

"An anu-whata?" Xander looked at Anya curiously, then at Willow.

"Don't look at me, I couldn't tell you how to say that one." 

Huffing, Anya continued. "Wait to ask questions. I was pausing for effect. She's a Keeper. A record keeper for the Powers That Be. She observes and records. Ari specializes in demons and supernatural beings. She's assigned to specific demons and spends time with them, recording as many details as possible about them. But she actually does this with everything and everyone she comes across. Everything she experiences gets recorded for the Powers to use. Oh, and she can recall anything that she has recorded at anytime. It's really strange and creepy when she does that. Plus, she's always right when you try to argue about something that has happened in the past."

"So let me get this straight. She works for the Powers That Be recording information about demons like a video camera? But she's not a demon, just a few hundred years old and as strong as Glory?" Buffy looked at Anya in absolute disbelief.

"Yes. It's all right here." Anya pushed the book forward. Automatically, Willow reached out grabbing it and began pouring over the text. "Technically, she's a higher being. But you'd never know it. She once told me that her most important records were made through the bonds she's made with demons and humans alike. She knows _everyone_. Her parties are the most anticipated events. And they live up to the expectations. They're unbelievable. This one time, in the 15th century…"

As Anya chattered on about demons, music and decorations Buffy got up and stealthily made her way over to the office to listen to what Arabella was saying on the phone.

"Patrick, I don't care what time it is, or that it's a Friday…Look, I pay you an exorbitant amount of money to do what I ask. I don't ask for much…No! I will not wait until Monday. If you want to see another pay check with my signature on it you will have the suitcases at my flat in LA here tomorrow morning, along with my credit cards and all other belongings I have deemed necessary… You'll bloody well get it done or you won't have a job come Monday…This conversation is over. I expect my belongings here by 9am."

Buffy heard the click of the phone and then more dialling. There was a long pause while Arabella waited for whomever she was calling to pick up.

"You wanker…You knew that demon was going to attack me in LA…Stop playing dumb. You could have at least given me a bloody hint…No! I do not find it amusing. I'm standing in a magic shop in Sunnydale, California in my pyjamas while the slayer, a rather powerful witch, Anyanka, and her fiancé…Stop laughing…Yes, I'm fine…" Her voice softened as she continued speaking, "Of course I miss…"

Buffy walked back to wear the others were sitting when it was apparent that Arabella's phone call was not going to teach her anything other than a few new terms in English slang. Plopping herself down in her chair, she looked around at her friends.

"Will, can you confirm anything Anya's told us?"

"All of it." Willow looked up with a smile from the now large pile of books she was buried in. "Arabella is a, well, in simplest terms, a higher being. Her role is to record life. She gets sent by the Powers to record information about demons and other beings that have important roles in keeping the balance between good and evil. But she doesn't just stand by passively like a Watcher. She gets really involved in their lives and takes part in everything that they do if she can."

"Everything?" Xander squeaked, thinking about what that could apply.

"Oh, yes," Anya chirped, "She told me about this one time with a succu – " 

"ANYA!" The three other Scoobies shrieked, dreading to think where this story could lead.

"What? Xander asked." Anya pouted and started to fidget with her engagement ring.

"As I was saying, she said she was coming to Sunnydale for work. This means that she's her for a reason, and from her track record it's probably a big reason."

Buffy groaned, "Does that mean research?"

Willow smiled apologetically. 

Before anyone could say anything else, Arabella came strolling back into the room with a big grin on her face. "Finished talking about me yet?"

"Yes… I mean, we weren't. Well we were, we were just wondering when you'd be… um…" Xander picked up a book and started reading the first page he opened it to. 

"Right. Well, I have a favour to ask you Anya. I'm having the belongings I was going to bring up her next week delivered tomorrow morning here, if that's all right. And I was hoping that I could stay at your place tonight seeing as, well, I don't have anything but what I'm wearing right now."

"I would say yes, but our apartment is full of relatives right now and we don't even want to go back there. Xander's uncle looks at me strangely." 

"Oh, that's understandable. Could I possibly spend the night here while I wait for my belongings?"

At the other end of the table Willow was whispering something to Buffy and giving her her resolve face. Rolling her eyes, Buffy smiled brightly.

"You could stay with us. My sister's at a friend's tonight and you could use her bed." Buffy smiled through gritted teeth, not liking the idea at all. 

"Thank-you. I won't be any trouble, and I'll be out of your hair by tomorrow and into a hotel as soon as I can." 

With that, the Scoobies and Keeper got up and parted, the Scoobies silently agreeing to start their research first thing in the morning.

**********

A/N: I know this chapter was pretty much lacking any Buffy, Spike or other Scooby action – I just had to explain who Arabella was before I can get on with the story. Next Chapter: Lots and Lots of Spike!


	4. Busted

Truth Keeper Author: Devadata (devadevil02@hotmail.com)   
Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.  
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)   
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.     
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. 

Author's Note: Okay, I know that I've focused on the character I've made up a bit too much so far, but I had to explain who she was before I could go on with the story. She does have an important purpose to the plot, but this is a Spike/Buffy fic, and they will be the primary focus from here on out. Please give me reviews and let me know what you think, both nice and not-so-nice ones make me want to write more and work out the kinks in the story. J

Chapter 4 – Busted 

Spike leaned against the railing, taking a long drag of his cigarette. He was face away from the packed crowd below, which filled the Bronze every Friday night. He took another swig of his beer, emptying the bottle. Placing it on the ground beside him, he tried to remember how many the total for the evening was. Realising trying to remember the count at this point was futile, he went back to his thoughts.

He wasn't sure about how smart a move it was earlier saying what he said to Buffy, but he felt a large weight lifted from him finally speaking up about his feelings. Maybe she would even think about her own feelings for once, and stop denying there was something there. _Or it will just give her another reason to push me away._ Spike gave an unneeded sigh and headed down the steps to go to the bar for another drink, hoping this one would distract him from the events that had transpired that day.

Sitting down at the bar, he winced as he thought about the words that had hurt him more than anything that she, or anyone, had ever said to him.

"I'm using you…I can't love you. I'm just being weak and selfish…and it's killing me…I'm sorry, William."

Often Spike wondered why he ever bothered with Buffy, usually after her insults and fleeing that had become part of their usual pattern. But then he'd see her again. A small smile, or a laugh was all it made for his blood to start screaming for her. Hell, even a scowl reminded him why he loved her so much. Every night he was plagued with dreams, good dreams until he woke up and had to face reality, that he was the one making her smile and laugh. The one she looked at with affection and love in her eyes. 

"I can't love you."

Did she even know what those words did to him? Spike could actually feel not only his heart, but his entire being shattering at those words. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't handle her doing it again, saying those words again. So he shut himself off when he saw her in the graveyard. He never thought it would come to the point where he couldn't put up with the abuse he took from Buffy just to be near her. And it wasn't one too many punches, or harsh words after hours spent in his crypt together. 

"I'm sorry, William."

And now he was left sitting alone, trying to numb the pain he was feeling with beer and cigarettes. Neither of which were helping in the least. He figured that at the least he could be drunk and miserable though, so as he turned around to survey the crowd, he took the final gulp of the beer he had been nursing and signalled the bar tender for another.

As he watched all the happy people dancing bitterly, wishing that he and Buffy could be like the couples he saw on the dance floor. Suddenly, he heard a loud, familiar laugh coming from the other end of the bar. _Nibblet._ He smiled, thinking that his second favourite Summers was just what he needed to lessen the ache his favourite Summers had left him with. As he turned to the direction he heard the laugh coming from the smile on his face quickly turned to a look of shock then anger.

Dawn was standing with the same friend from Halloween talking with some boys that looked to be a little bit older than them. This was not the problem. The problem was the tight, short skirt and tiny, revealing top she was wearing. Another problem was the fact that the drink in her hand looked very similar to the one in his, as did the cigarette she was casually bringing up to her lips as she smiled at something one of the boys had just whispered in her ear.

Jumping from his seat, bottle forgotten as it dropped to the floor, Spike strode over to where she was standing, he place a hand on her shoulder and said with a venom in his voice he hadn't had since his first year in Sunnydale, "Dawn, come with me, _now_." 

Shocked by his sudden appearance, she allowed herself to be dragged out of the Bronze by the vampire leaving two very confused boys and Janice with a sympathetic expression on her face, tinged with relief that the man Dawn had only told her about was not her 'over-protective brother figure.'  

By the time they had reached the alley outside the Bronze, Dawn had gathered her bearings and angrily spun around to face Spike. "What was that?" she demanded, going to place her hands on her hips in a similar gesture to Buffy only to realize she still had the bottle in one and a cigarette in the other. Quickly, she placed her hands behind her back.

"_What was that? What was that!_" Spike spat at her. "I turn around expecting to see my favourite _15 year old_ girl to find her smoking, drinking and dressed like a tramp! What the bloody hell are you thinking?" Spike started to pace in front of her, trying to reign in his anger enough to not reach out and smack her.

"Geez, harsh much?" Dawn said as she tried to butt out the cigarette with the heel of her boot discretely. "What's the big deal? I was just having some fun. I don't know why you're so angry."

Spike immediately stopped his pacing and spun around to face her. An unreadable expression coming over the anger that was there a moment before, "Why am I so angry? Do you have any idea what you were doing? Have you not learned anything from Halloween or Buffy's birthday? What has gotten into you? Do you even realise how much trouble you are getting yourself into?"

Dawn looked down at the bottle and started to pick the label. "I was perfectly fine. I'm not a little girl anymore," she pouted.

This set Spike off again. Before she could even blink he had ripped the bottle from her hands and thrown it against the wall. "Yes you are. You are fifteen, a child. You are not an adult and by acting this way you are only proving that fact. You know how many demons and vamps there are out there that would love to get a bite out of you, and you know you can't handle yourself however much you like to say that you can. Why can't you get it into your thick head that your sis is so protective of you for a reason?"

Dawn looked up, tears starting to spill down her face, streaking her cheeks with the heavy mascara she was wearing. "Are you going to tell Buffy?" She whispered, praying that he would allow this to be another one of their secrets.

Spike paused and looked at the girl in front of him. Part of him wanted to envelop up her in a hug when the tears started, but the anger and shame he felt at that moment was winning out. He thought about her question carefully. The last thing he wanted to do tonight was see Buffy again, but the mature part of him that rarely showed itself to the world was actually winning and he knew that he had to tell Buffy about Dawn, and tell her now. Like everyone else, he thought Dawn had learned her lesson at Buffy's party. Obviously they were all wrong and Dawn was much worse off than they thought. 

Spike ran his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh. "No, I'm not telling the Slayer." Dawn let a small smile appear on her face. "You are going to tell Buffy. In about fifteen minutes when we get to your house." The tears had started to flow again as Dawn watched Spike start down the dark alley towards Revello Drive. He stopped and turned back to her, "Nibblet, now!" She scrambled to catch up, afraid to get herself in any more trouble than she knew she was already in.

As they walked down the street, Dawn remained silent and looking at her feet as Spike continued his rant about how disappointed he was in her.

"And I don't even want to know where you got that outfit!" Dawn looked down ashamed, knowing he would come to the conclusion that she dreaded, however true it was. Just as she expected, Spike halted suddenly and turned to her. "You stole it didn't you?" She mumbled a yes and continued walking listening to even angrier ranting at this revelation.

When the two figures got in front of the Summer's house, Spike stopped once again and looked down at Dawn. Speaking more softly this time, he said, "Look, Lil' Bit, I can understand that you're just being a teenager. Bloody hell, I don't even really have a right to lecture you, seeing as I'm probably the example you've based your juvenile delinquency on. But this has to stop. Now I know you probably hate me for ratting out to big sis, but if you keep going this way you're going to get in more trouble than you can handle. And I don't just mean the demon kind. Now come on, it's time to face the music." With a small smile that Dawn didn't return, Spike guided her to the front door and into the house.

Buffy was sitting alone in the kitchen having a drink and trying to sort out the events of the evening before she went to sleep. She was trying to stay focused on the strange woman sleeping in her sister's bed, but her thoughts kept on drifting to the two conversations she had with Spike.

When she had told him that morning that things were over, the look of defeat and pain on his face had almost caused her to turn around and run into his arms. But she had kept her resolve and walked out of the crypt and into the sunny morning light. The rest of the day had been spent, for some reason or another, rationalizing and justifying her decision. Almost as if her brain was still trying to convince itself that it had done the right thing. She knew she had. 

Her and Spike just couldn't work. No matter how much he tried to convince her they could, she knew it would never happen. Her friends and sister would never understand or accept that she could have feelings for a soulless creature that she was meant to defend the world against. She couldn't even understand. It was just so wrong. 

She found herself thinking about what Tara had asked her when she had confessed what had been going on between her and Spike.

_"Do you love him?"_

"God, what a loaded question," Buffy mumbled to herself while she stared into the now cold cup of hot cocoa. She knew that the answer to that question should be simple. An automatic 'No!', but it wasn't. She couldn't get herself to say that word even to herself, her only response to that question being _I can't love him_. And she couldn't. It would destroy the small world around her; tear apart her small family if any of them found out. She knew that Tara had to be only pretending to be supportive to whatever Buffy decided concerning the bottle-blond vampire. She was sure that deep down, Tara was disgusted that Buffy could even think about getting herself involved with a vampire. It was just so wrong.

Buffy absently rubbed at her eyes, realizing that they were tearing up. She shook her head and got up to rinse out her mug when she heard the distinct sound of the front door and muffled voices. Heading into the hallway to investigate, the first thing she saw was the distinct leather coat and bleached hair that she had just been thinking about.

Buffy's automatic reaction was anger that he would dare coming into her home after his speech from earlier, and she instantly had him pinned against the now closed door with her hand around his throat. "What the hell do you think you're doing coming into my home?"

Spike squirmed out of her grasp as he said, "Don't worry, this is the last place I want to be right now Slayer. I just thought you might fancy having a word with the Bit." He nodded to a corner of the hall where Dawn was trying to make herself blend in with the woodwork. 

As Buffy took in the girl standing before her, and her brain registered that the scantily clad girl was indeed her sister, a look of anger that Spike had never seen her give to even the worst of demons came over her face…


	5. Dawn Katherine Summers

Truth Keeper Author: Devadata (devadevil02@hotmail.com)   
Summary: When Spike has finally had enough of Buffy's games, an important force in Spike's past shows up in Sunnydale determined to show Buffy a few home truths.  
Timeline: post – 'As You Were' (anything up to there is game for spoilers)   
Pairing: Spike/Buffy.     
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike and Sunnydale, et al, are property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. Joss is All Powerful. I merely use his creations to entertain myself and hopefully others. 

Author's Note: Ok, first of all, thanks for the great reviews, I never knew why writers liked them so much until I got my own. Now, back to the night that never ends, hope you enjoy. Also, big question: how should Buffy punish Dawn? (Groundings are just so boring, and I know from my rebellious punk days when I was Dawn's age that they never teach you anything). Please, advise!

Chapter 5 – Dawn Katherine Summers 

As Buffy took in the girl standing before her, and her brain registered that the scantily clad girl was indeed her sister, a look of anger that Spike had never seen her give to even the worst of demons came over her face.

"Dawn Katherine Summers, go into the living room." Buffy spoke calmly, her tone of voice not reflecting the anger that was apparent in the expression she wore. Dawn practically sprinted into the living room, a fresh batch of tears streaming down her face.

Buffy turned to Spike, and with the same calm tone asked, "Where did you find her and what was she doing?" Buffy didn't even question Spike's involvement, mainly because she knew how protective he was of Dawn and also because the grim expression he wore reflected exactly what she was feeling. 

"The Bronze. I told her she had to tell you the rest though. Figured that would be a good starting punishment, luv." Spike smiled gently, following Buffy into the living room, but stopping at the entrance to lean on the door and quietly watch the two sisters. He was slightly tense, prepared to grab Buffy if she got too angry, knowing it was a possibility.

Buffy strode over to the younger Summers, and stood above her, arms on hips and an expectant look on her face. Dawn looked up at her, tears still streaming down her face. Neither said anything, just staring at one another. Finally Dawn looked down again, curling into herself.

"Well?" Buffy said in the same calm voice. She had never been this angry. Looking over her sister, she couldn't believe what she saw. Dawn was wearing a tight, leather skirt with an even smaller top. She had small, strappy heels on drawing attention to her long legs. What she was wearing left nothing to the imagination and wasn't decent enough for anyone with self-respect, let alone her little sister to wear. Her mascara-streaked face showed signs of far too much make up. And now that Buffy was away from Spike, she realized the stench of cigarette smoke was not just coming off him. Buffy took a long breath, "Are you going to tell me what else you were doing, besides dressing like that?"

Dawn looked up at Buffy in fear. The last thing she wanted to do was tell her about her other activities, but she knew if she didn't Spike would. And he would be a lot harsher in telling Buffy about what she had done. Looking down at her lap again, she quickly mumbled, "I was at the Bronze with Janice and some guys and I kindawassmokinganddrinkingsomebeer." 

Buffy closed her eyes trying to take a moment to reign in her anger after a few moments she said, "You might want to repeat that because I really hope you didn't say you were smoking and drinking."

Dawn just looked down, the silent tears now being joined by a few small sobs. "I'm sorry," she whispered, afraid to look up.

That did it. Buffy's head snapped up and she screamed, "You're sorry! Oh, well that makes it all better. My baby sister, who I'm responsible for, gets dragged from a bar by a vampire at one am in the morning where she was smoking and drinking and dressed like a – I don't even want to say what you look like, and thinks a sorry will make it all better!?!" Buffy laughed. "You have no idea how much trouble you are in. You lied to me Dawn! And after the shoplifting! The first time I let you go out after that fiasco and what do you do? Do you remember what you told me your plans were tonight? Do you?"

"Yes."

"You said you were going to, and I quote, 'Rent a couple of Brad Pitt movies and have a veg-out night in front of the TV.' How dare you lie to me like this! Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you could get yourself into? What if Spike hadn't been there?"

"I'm not a child." Dawn said quietly, angry that Buffy was saying the same thing she always said.

"What was that?" Buffy leaned in towards Dawn, not believing what she was hearing.

"I'm not a child!" Dawn said more defiantly. "You treat as if I'm a two-year old who can't do anything for herself! Why can't I go out like the rest of my friends do? Why can't you treat me with respect and let me have some fun!"

"You are a child and acting like this proves it! God damn it Dawn, what the hell are you trying to prove to me? That you're an adult? Because right now, the only thing I see is an irresponsible little girl who I can't even trust to sleepover at a friends." Buffy paused, rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. She sighed heavily and looked back up at her sister. "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with you. What's next, drugs, breaking and entering, stealing cars?"

"Maybe if you would just – "

"I don't want to hear it!" Buffy snapped. In a quieter voice that showed just how hurt Buffy was behind her anger, she said, "I could ground you for two months and I doubt that you would learn anything. You want to know why? Because this is the third time you've done this. The third time you have betrayed my trust. Now, you are going to go upstairs and take that _shit_ off of your face. You are going to change into your pyjamas and out of that get up. You will be sleeping on the couch because I thought you were going to be at Janice's tonight and an," Buffy paused trying to figure out the best way to describe Arabella, "an unexpected visitor is in your room. You are then going to come down here and go to sleep."

"Buffy – "

"Not a word, Dawn!" Buffy snapped. "I am tired, have had a bad day, and you are not making it better. I will talk to you in the morning."

"But – "

"Go, NOW!" Buffy shouted. Dawn scrambled from her seat and fled up the stairs, glaring at Spike as she passed them.

As soon as the sound of a slamming door was heard, Buffy crumpled to the floor crying. Spike was instantly at her side, ready to wrap his arms around her. Her tears made him forget everything that she had said that day, everything he had felt, and everything he had decided. He couldn't handle seeing his light so upset.

Unconsciously, Buffy reached out to Spike and buried her head in his chest. She felt his strong arms wrap around her and she held onto him tighter. She could here his soft voice murmuring words of comfort, and she let them wash over her in waves of comfort.

"What am I going to do?" Buffy asked between sobs. "She just keeps on getting worse and worse and nothing I do helps. I don't know if I can do this any longer."

"Shh, luv. The Nibblet's just going through a phase. She's trying to prove that she's an adult. It'll pass."

"But what if it doesn't?" Buffy sat back, disentangling herself from Spike. She looked up into his eyes and whispered, "I wish my mom was here. She'd know what to do."

Spike's heart broke at those words. Buffy looked like a little girl at this moment, being forced to deal with raising an adolescent when she was barely finished being an adolescent herself. Sometimes he forgot just how young she and her friends were. Barely 21.

Spike reached out a hand and cupped her face, wiping the tears flowing down her cheek away with his thumb. "She is, pet. She's in your heart and soul. I know she's watching over you from heaven."

Buffy jerked back at the statement as if he had stung her. _Shit._ Spike realized what he had just said and wished that he could take it back. But it was too late. He sat back as he watched the cold, empty expression come over her face.

"What would you know about where my mother is?" Her voice trembled in anger and pain. "You don't know anything about it!" Buffy jumped up and walked into the hallway.

Spike jumped up and followed her, cursing that he hadn't thought before he spoke. "Buffy, I'm sorry." Spike reached out and touched her on the arm, praying she would realize that he didn't mean it that way, although he knew that his efforts would be futile.

Buffy snapped around to face him, hands dangerously clenched at her sides. "What are you doing here anyways Spike? I thought I made it clear that I didn't want you in my life anymore!"

Spike could feel the anger and defensiveness start to boil deep within him. "_I_ didn't want to be here. But for some reason I bloody well thought you might want to know what your sister had been getting up to! I love her like she's my own, Buffy. I couldn't bear to see anything happen to her."

"You know nothing about love Spike! Thank-you for bringing her back, but from now on stay away from her, stay away from my friends, and stay away from me!"

That was it. Spike actually felt himself snap. "Do you always have to be such a bloody bint, Slayer? I have never done anything, _anything_, but try and help you. Have I tried to hurt you or yours once in the past year? No! And why? Because for some unknown reason I love you." Buffy opened her mouth to retort, but Spike cut her off, "Don't. I know what you're going to say. I'm a demon! I'm soulless! I can't feel! I can't love! That's all bullocks and you know it. If I couldn't then why would I let you beat me to an inch of my unlife. If I didn't actually feel I would have walked away or hit you back. How dare you tell me to stop caring about other people, about Dawn. You don't have the bloody right."

"I don't have a right? I don't have a right! I'm just her guardian and sister. I think that pretty much gives me all the rights I need!" Buffy screamed back.

As the yelling continued, Willow rolled over in her bed and covered her head with a pillow. She knew from the instant that Buffy had called Dawn by her first name that tonight was _not_ the time to get involved. It bothered her that it was now Spike and Buffy yelling. She couldn't make out what they were saying through the pillow, but it reminded her of the kind of fight a couple would have. She chuckled at thought; it was too absurd to even think. _Never going to happen._ Willow rolled over again and tried to block out the shouting more by hugging the pillow more tightly to her head.

In a room down the hall, Arabella couldn't take it anymore. She had been lying in bed listening to a screaming Buffy and her sister, and now what she assumed must be her boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend if the argument kept on going much longer. She toyed with the idea of going back to the Magic Box for a moment, before getting out of the warm bed she was lying in and heading towards the stairs. As she got to the stairwell, she could hear the argument clearly and cringed at what she heard.

"The day you do something that isn't 100% selfish is the day hell freezes over," Buffy snorted. Her arms were now crossing her chest and she was itching for a good enough reason to throw Spike through the closed front door, repair costs be damned.

As Spike opened his mouth to retort, the clearing of someone's throat could be heard behind him. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Thank-you for your hospitality Buffy, but I think…" As Arabella continue, Spike slowly turned around and looked up to the top of the stairs. He was sure he knew that voice. As he looked up, scanning the bare feet and going up, he blinked when he reached the familiar voice's face.

"Ari?"

******

Well, what did you all think? Hope you liked, sorry if the B/S affection tease was frustrating! In time, little shippers, in time… Anyways, remember: reviews make me feel all creative like and wanting to write… so, please, review! (next chapter should be up by the end of the week, depending on circumstances)


	6. Definitely An Apocalypse

Truth Keeper 

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is taken so long. I promise to post at least one more chapter ASAP, things have been hectic. I hope you like and please – I beg – review!

Chapter 6 – Definitely An Apocalypse 

As he looked up, scanning the bare feet and going up, he blinked when he reached the familiar voice's face.

"Ari?"

"William?" Arabella froze mid-step and cocked her head to the side, a surprised look on her face.

Spike looked shocked for a moment before a big grin spread across his face. "Bloody hell, woman! It's been a long time!" He was instantly knocked backwards by her flying down the rest of the stairs and into his arms, where he enveloped her in a bear hug and began spinning her around the room.

Buffy just stood there, mouth open, anger in her eyes. _Does every demon know this girl?_ She thought, frowning as she watched the couple. She stepped back as they spun by but didn't say a word, knowing it would be pointless to try and get either of their attention until they were done with their 'hello.'

Finally, the two laughing figures stopped and looked at each other with big grins, hugging one more time before they began to speak.

"What in bloody hell are you doing here, lamb?" Spike asked, having completely forgotten that he was even in Buffy's house.

"I should be asking you that! What are you doing here, Will?"

"Before either you answer that question, I want to know how you two know each other. Because I have to say, _Ari_, beings friends with an infamous vamp, really not helping your non-evil status." Buffy said angrily, crossing her arms across her chest while she glared daggers at the two beings standing in front of you. She raised her eyebrows in question, and in return Spike laughed. 

Buffy stood there stunned. Spike had laughed. Out loud. Loudly out loud. And it wasn't a bitter laugh. It was a real, genuine, "I'm just plain happy" laugh. She had never heard it before and wondered why some tramp could get him to make the unfamiliar sound. _Wait a minute, tramp? Where the hell did that thought come from?_ Buffy mentally shook herself tried to focus on finding answers and not on the fact that Spike had lazily draped his arm over Arabella's shoulder.

"Well?"

Laughing again and sharing a smirk with Arabella, Spike finally answered, "Ari's a good little higher being. She may run with a bad crowd, but she's all about the balance and all that rot. Doesn't get involved in the nastier side of her social set. Does get annoyed once in a while. That's when even the worst Big Bads are glad she's all goodness and light."

"Will! I do not get _annoyed once in a while," Ari emphasized with a jab to Spike's ribs. "And you know perfectly well that I'm not 'all goodness and light' as you put it – I prefer to remain neutral unless things become unbalanced." In response, Spike just rolled his eyes._

Buffy did not know how to react. As Arabella went on to explain why she was in Sunnydale, all Buffy could concentrate on was the silent interaction between the two in front of her. _He doesn't smile like that with me. Why are they so affectionate? Why doesn't he laugh with me that way? And why doesn't he call me lamb? I don't see why they have to be so close. He's only supposed to look at me – The reasonable part of Buffy's brain suddenly decided to kick in and stop her before she let herself figure out just why she was feeling the way she was suddenly. She tuned back into the conversation just in time to hear the two finish the story._

"So I'm here now instead, without anything but my bloody pyjamas. But enough of me – this story has become quite a bore, so if you really must know the exact deals, do ask someone else."

Spike just grinned even bigger, seeing that his old friend was just like he remembered her. "I'm assuming you got annoyed and the Shenhrak demon is no more?"

Arabella just rolled her eyes and moved to lean against the entrance to the living room. Buffy's annoyance at the two's disregard for her presence had finally gotten to be enough, clearing her voice, Buffy said in a voice louder than needed, "I'm only going to ask one more time: How do you two know each other?"

"Oh, right, sorry about that." Arabella smiled sweetly as all her attention diverted back to Buffy. "I met Will ten years after he was turned. I was doing research on Angelus to document him before he got cursed – bloody brilliant curse if you ask me. I nearly pissed myself when I heard about it. Of course, Angelus couldn't go _anywhere_ without his entourage," Ari emphasized this with a role of her eyes, "so I got to know William here quite well. Only scourge I could stand, really. We became friends quite quickly and we've been friends ever since. He came to all my parties until the Prague incident."

"Oh." Buffy was really starting to hate how the keeper could say everything so casually, especially since she said it in a way that made a person feel like they had to react casually as well. She knew that she should be saying more, but she just didn't know how to react. Research on Angel? Pre-soul? Buffy realized that she was definitely going to have to find a way to have a more detailed conversation with the woman in front of her.

"So, what are you doing here, Will?" Arabella asked, all attention going back to the bleached-blond vampire.

Spike shrugged and looked down ashamed. The last thing he wanted to do was to explain about the chip and everything it had led to. However much he had changed in the last few years, he was still proud of his reputation as William the Bloody and didn't want it being ruined. "Got a chip in my head, lost my bite. I can only kill demons, so I help the Slayer here to get my spot of violence," he said quietly.

Arabella studied Spike's face for a moment, and then said grimly, "I didn't think it was true when the Powers told me. You being neutered and working with the Slayer." At seeing Spike's stricken face at this statement, she quickly added, "Don't worry, only me and a few other of the Power's favourite tools know. You're still one of the Scourges to the rest of the crowd. Bloody humans trying to be gods. They really don't get the necessary evil thing do they?"

Spike smiled lightly and tried to shrug off the wave of depression the subject of his chip tended to bring along with it. "Yeah, wankers the lot, aren't they? So what exactly are you doing here, lamb. I know why you're in Sunnydale, but why LA? Last time you talked about visiting this side of the Atlantic you said, and I quote, 'Bloody colonials, demons and humans alike! Bad manners, bad food, bad wine, bad everything. The only way I will ever bother with that continent again is if the Powers drag me kicking and screaming and threaten to make me look like a Fyarl demon!'" As Spike quoted her, his accent slipped into the same posh accent that she spoke with.

"They threatened to make me look like a Chaos demon actually," Arabella said with a sigh and pout. Spike just laughed. Buffy, who had been angrily watching, found a small smile crossing her face. "I'm here for work if you must know. I was going to be coming to Sunnydale next week anyways."

Buffy was about to ask what her work actually entailed when the loud stomping of a bitter Dawn could be heard coming down the stairs. All three turned to see the teenager storm past them, her overly abundant hormones in full swing. The pillow and sheets she was carrying were violently thrown onto the couch.

When Dawn cleared her long hair away from her face as she flopped onto the couch, Arabella took a quick intake of breath, and whispered something under her breath. Her eyes were locked on Dawn.

Spike's head snapped up when his vampire hearing picked up the barely audible words. "What was that love?"

Arabella looked away from Dawn with a start and smiled at her old friend. "Nothing. I was just mumbling to myself about how tired I am. Buffy, I think I will go back up to bed now if that's all right." 

Buffy nodded curtly, her angry gaze never leaving her little sister.

"Will, tomorrow. Tell me where and when so that we can catch up on old times."

"The Bronze, just ask one of the Scoobies where it is. How about 9pm? I'd say earlier, but you know – pesky sun allergy and all." Spike grinned trying to shake off the feeling that Arabella was trying to cover up what she had really said. He could have sworn it sounded like…

"Right then. Bronze. 9pm. I'll see you then. Night all!" Arabella hurried upstairs, partially because she wanted to avoid Spike asking her what she said, but primarily because she didn't want to witness the yelling she heard earlier.

Dawn just scowled and stared at the blank TV screen from the couch. "Are you just going to stare at me all night?"

"With the amount of trust I have in you right now, I just might," Buffy spat. Dawn couldn't hide her flinch, Buffy's words had hurt. A lot. She waited silently for Buffy to continue. "I'm tired though, and it's late. I'll talk to you in the morning." Buffy said with a more resigned tone, before she quickly turned to Spike. "Goodnight Spike. You can leave now." Buffy knew she was being harsher than she needed to be, but everything from the last 24 hours had added up, and Buffy knew she would explode if she heard one more word from anyone.

Spike just gave her a pained look as he stormed out the front door and down the street. 

Buffy closed the door behind him and headed up the stairs without saying one more thing to her little sister. She was too angry and too tired to deal with Dawn anymore that night. Buffy got in bed, almost forgetting to change out of her clothing.

_I'd rather deal with five apocalypses than another day like today._ She thought as she snuggled into her sheets and let the exhaustion that she had been fighting finally take hold. __

Definitely an apocalypse… 

*****

The next morning, Buffy rolled over to turn off her alarm as she groaned. Still half asleep, her brain had yet to remind her of the events of the previous night. She flopped onto her back with a small smile. _No Double Meat today…_Buffy yawned deeply and started to rub her eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them so she could start her day. There was a soft tapping on her door right before Willow's red hair popped through the small crack.

"Hey, good morning," Willow said as she walked into the room after seeing that Buffy was awake.

"Morning," Buffy said sleepily, snuggling into her covers in an attempt to avoid getting up.

"I was just wondering what happened last night," Willow said timidly. As soon as she said the sentence, Buffy's eyes snapped open and she shot up from her bed. Willow continued nervously, "I didn't want to get involved, you know, it sounded like I would have just got in the way. But I figured you'd want to talk this morning and, you know, maybe I could help figure things out." As Willow babbled on Buffy was scrambling around her room trying to get dressed as fast as she possibly could. "Buffy, slow down. What happened?"

"Dawn," Buffy said with the same tone she had used last night.

"Gonna need more details here. I mean, I figured that much. With the yelling and all." Willow smiled weakly, not sure if she wanted to be witness to hurricane Buffy.

"Last night. Spike saw Dawn at the Bronze. Dressed like a complete skank while she smoked and drank."

Willow eyes went wide in disbelief. "Dawnie? But she was meant to be sleeping over at Janice's. Are you sure?"

"Very." Buffy said as she tied her hair back in a severe ponytail. 

"Oh, um. So I guess you're going to be grounding her for a long time?" Willow didn't know what to say. She had never seen Buffy this mad. And she had seen Buffy _mad_. Willow was curious to know more details, but realized that now wasn't the time.

Buffy turned around to face her best friend and the angry look on her face melted to a sad one. "I just don't know what to do, Will. I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to say, how I'm supposed to react. This is the third time she's done something like this in the last few months. I'm afraid that nothing I do or say is going to make things any better."

Willow leaned forward and gave Buffy a big hug. "You'll get through this and so will Dawn. Remember, it's not just you dealing with this. It's all the Scoobies. We'll be behind you no matter what and make sure we get Dawn straightened out."

"Thanks Will." Buffy smiled as she wiped a few stray tears off her cheeks. "I'm just so afraid that she's going to get in more trouble and that social services is going to find out and take her away." 

"That's not going to happen," Willow said firmly, giving Buffy her resolve face. "If I have to handcuff myself to your little sister to make sure she stays out of trouble I will. We're family, and nothing and no one is going to break us apart." The girls hugged again.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. You do realize you're the best friend I could possibly have, right?"

"Darn tootin'!" Willow said with a silly grin. "Why don't you go to the bathroom and freshen up before you go and talk to Dawn. I'll go call Tara and tell her what happened. Her and Dawn are really close – maybe she can find out what's going on with her. Plus, it gives me reason to talk to her." Will smiled as they got up to into the hall. 

"And here I thought you were being completely unselfish," Buffy teased. Her brief talk with Willow was all it took to reassure her that she could do this. "By the way, where is the being which is yet another problem for me to deal with?"

"What? What problem? There wasn't a demon involved in the whole Dawn thing, was there? I mean other than Spike." Willow looked at Buffy confused.

"I mean Arabella. Where is she?"

"Oh. Anya and Xander picked her up about ten minutes ago to go over to the Magic Box. As soon as she vacated Dawn's room, Dawn locked herself in there. It sounds like you don't like her too much. Anything you want to tell me?"

"I don't know," Buffy picked at her sweater. "I just don't like her. She knows Spike. You should have seen them last night."

"Oh. Why does that matter? I mean, from what the texts I've read say it's her job to know demons. Plus, Anya swore that she was a good guy. I'm sure it's just your Slayer-self being overly cautious."

"Yeah, you're right. What else could it be?" Buffy said with false cheeriness and headed into the bathroom to freshen up. As she did, her thoughts started to think about why she just didn't like Arabella. _Maybe because he calls her lamb, and hugs her, and laughs with her, and – whoa Buffy, what's with you? This is Spike. _Buffy mentally slapped herself and tried to ignore the teasing voice at the back of her mind telling her she was jealous. She was just being the Slayer. She wasn't meant to trust strange non-humans, even if all the texts and one of her closest friends said not to worry. As she finished in the bathroom she sat down on the toilet and took a moment to think before she went to deal with the immediate problem at hand. Dawn.

Buffy asked herself what her mother would have done in this situation. She knew that she had to be the calm, rational one, however hard it was. Buffy thought about how Joyce had dealt with Buffy the many times she had got in trouble. Even though most of those times were really because she was saving the world, it didn't change that the way her mother reacted to each occurrence, and Buffy realized that she had to be the same. Buffy's problem was she didn't know if she could do it. It would be hard not to just give in and let Dawn go off with a slap on the wrist and a "never do that again, young lady." Things would be so much easier that way. Buffy stood up and prepared to bite the bullet of being the bad guy. _Things will only be easier until her next little outing,_ she thought sadly. With a quick check in the mirror to ensure that she looked serious and adult enough to be taken seriously, Buffy headed off to face her sister.

As she stepped into the hall and walked towards Dawn's bedroom door, she could faintly hear what sounded like heavy metal coming from underneath it. She was surprised that Dawn would even own that type of music since her tastes tended to sway towards the boy band pop variety. Buffy paused outside her sister's door and listened briefly. She could hear the music clearly now and realised that the song was familiar – a 70's punk song she often heard when she would walk into Spike's crypt. _He must have given her a tape this summer, that's so –_ Yet another mental slap. Buffy decided she really had to break her habit of letting her thoughts drift towards the vampire. Buffy closed her eyes and pictured Dawn when she first saw her that evening. It was all it took to get her back into angry-guardian mode.

Knocking firmly, she said, "Dawn, open up, we need to talk." She heard the music shut off and the loud stomping of her sister as she came to the door. The lock made a telltale click right before the door was swung open. A sullen Dawn stood on the other side, glaring at Buffy in the doorway. 

"I'm waiting. What's the punishment this time?" Dawn spat. She knew she had screwed up big time, but her anger over the fact that Buffy was treating her like a child was overriding any guilt or regret she felt over her actions. 

"It's not that simple Dawn. We need to talk." Dawn just rolled her eyes. "Why don't we go down to the kitchen and talk there."

"Whatever." Dawn pushed by Buffy as she headed towards the stairs.

Buffy took a moment to collect herself before she followed. Once in the kitchen, Dawn sat herself on a stool, facing away from Buffy.

"Dawn look at me." Buffy could actually feel Dawn rolling her eyes, even with her face turned away. "Dawn…" She said in a warning tone. Buffy wondered if Dawn realized that she was just setting herself up for more trouble.

"Alright!" Dawn spun around on her seat and crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned against the island. "Happy?"

"Not in the slightest. Now, do you have anything you'd like to say to me to begin with?"

"Would it change anything?"

"Maybe."

"Well I don't, okay. So hurry up and tell me how long I'm grounded and what privileges I've lost. I'm sure there can't be that many because you already keep me under lock and key!"

Buffy just looked at Dawn sadly. She'd heard Dawn say this all before. And she knew Dawn had heard her response before, but she figured she might as well try. Sitting on the stool next to Dawn's, she said, "Dawn, I know you think that I'm over protective and that I treat you like a little kid, but you know how dangerous the world out there is. Especially for you. How many times have you been kidnapped or hurt? I can't always be there to protect you. It only takes one time of me not being there for you to get hurt or killed. Why can't you see that?"

"I can take care of myself! Why can't you treat me my age and let me live my life? It's not fair!"

"Nothings fair, Dawn!" Dawn moved away at the harshness in Buffy's voice. "Dawn, look, I'm sorry I snapped like that. But you need to understand. You aren't old enough to take care of yourself. Look at what happened on Halloween, or with Sweet. What would you have done if I didn't show up?" Buffy looked at Dawn expectantly, and Dawn looked down ashamed. For a moment. Her head snapped back up and she had the same look of anger she had before.

"But that doesn't mean that I can't go out with my friends and have a good time at the Bronze. Why were things that were alright for you to do not alright for me?"

"Dawn, if drinking and smoking are your idea of a good time then you can't go out with your friends. And those things were never alright for me! Do you have any idea how shocked I was last night? How angry and upset I was. I trusted you Dawn, after everything you've done and you lied to me again. When I was your age, yes, I went out all the time. But I never went near alcohol, and I never smoked, and I _never_ dressed like a slut." Dawn just looked like she had been slapped. "It may be harsh to hear me say that, but it's true. You looked like a tramp. I have never been ashamed of you until I saw what you were wearing last night. And that was only a small part of everything. You betrayed my trust, Dawn. It's going to take a long time and a lot of work to win it back."

Buffy didn't know if her words were actually getting through to Dawn, but she sure as hell hoped they were. They sat there quietly for a few moment, Buffy waited as Dawn digested what she had said. After a few moments, Dawn looked up with an unreadable expression.

"So what's my punishment?" she said in a monotone voice, showing no emotion. She didn't want Buffy to know how much her words had hurt, or how angry they made her feel. Maybe Buffy was right about some things, but Dawn still felt like she was being treated like a child. Buffy was the Slayer at her age. She went out every night, had the freedom to do what she wanted. Maybe Dawn didn't have super powers, but that didn't mean she couldn't experience life the way she was meant to. It didn't mean she couldn't have fun. 

Buffy looked away from her sister in exasperation. _So this is how it's going to be from now on. At least she's not threatening to call social services._ "Well, first off, I'm calling Janice's mother as soon as this conversation is over. I think she'll agree that you two are not to see or talk to one another outside of school." This elicited a small squeak from the younger Summers, but no more. Buffy turned to Dawn and looked her straight in the eyes. "I am so disappointed in you Dawn. I have lost all trust in you. You're going to have to earn it back, and until you do, you will be under constant monitoring. I'm going to call your school and arrange for you to see the counsellor once a week. I don't care how much you protest – you will go. Your school day ends at three o'clock, you will be at the Magic Box to help Anya no later than three twenty, every day. There will be no going out after dark, not even to the video store. And you will not be going over to any friends' houses or out with them until I feel that I can trust you to do so. Weekends will be spent either here or at the Magic Box, never alone. You will get all homework finished on time and, as strange as the concept may seem, you will attend all of your classes. And yes, I will be checking up on you regularly. This will go on for an indeterminate amount of time, but I assure you it will be long running." Dawn opened her mouth to reply, but Dawn shushed her with a motion of her hand. "I don't want to hear it. Now, Anya's expecting you at the Magic Box in half an hour to work off the debt you already have there. You better go get ready."

Dawn jumped up, willing the tears in her eyes to remain there until she was gone from Buffy's sight. At the entrance to the kitchen, Dawn spun around, and shouted, "Just because you never had a life when you were my age doesn't mean you have to stop me from having one!" She spun around again and stomped off, hitting shoulders with Willow as she passed. 


	7. Fairytales and Punching Bags

Truth Keeper 

Author's Note: First things first – Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate every word and I'm happy to know that at least a few of you are enjoying my rambling! J About this chapter – I can't believe how quickly I wrote it! Still feeling really bad about how long it took for me to get the last chapter up, so this is nice and long (and hopefully good!). This chapter is mainly a big set up for the rest of the plot – yes there actually is one and will be coming soon! Anyways, just to be repetitive – please review and tell me what you think!

Chapter 7 – Fairytales and Punching Bags 

Xander sat at the big wooden table as he watched his fiancé fiddle with the seating arrangement for their wedding reception for the millionth time. The first thing she had done that morning was, well… Xander couldn't help but grin. The second thing she had done that morning was to call the caterers and tell them there would be at least one, maybe two unexpected guests coming to the wedding and to prepare extra plates for them. She had then called the hall to ensure that they would know the numbers had changed, and then she had spent an hour trying to choose the perfect outfit before they went over to Buffy's house to pick up Arabella. He couldn't remember when Anya had been so interested in what someone else thought of her. Actually, he couldn't think of a single time before now.

Anya kept on talking about Arabella until the wee hours of the morning once they got home. She had told more stories about her demon days than he wanted to hear. Arabella was a reminder of the one thing Xander had tried to push to the back of the mind as the wedding got closer: Anya didn't regret, and often missed, being a demon. Don't get him wrong, Xander loved Anya more than he ever thought possible. Anya was his world. But sometimes, when she would mention some random vengeance she had done or a demon she knew, it would scare him. What if she decided to go back to her demon days? What if she left him?

He was brought back to reality by a loud-pitched squeal. Jumping out of his seat and grabbing the nearest weapon, Xander scanned the room only to find Anya kneeled down behind Arabella looking at the label of her jeans.

Standing up, Anya grabbed the back of Arabella's shirt and checked the tag there as well. Anya then smacked Arabella on the arm while the woman just laughed.

"Those are Dolce & Gabbana jeans! And that top – it's Miu Miu! Why do you have such nice clothing and I don't?" Anya pouted and looked over her friend appraisingly. She was wearing a pair well-fitting jeans, a white lacy top, and tan stiletto boots. She didn't look like she was wearing all designer clothing, but Anya had a sixth sense for anything that had to do with money. Anya continued to pout as she turned to Xander, who was still standing, stake in hand. "Xander, why can't I have Dolce & Gabbana jeans? I'm the one getting married!" This elicited more laughter from Arabella while Xander worried about thinking up an excuse that would work with Anya-logic.

Arabella smiled at Xander, recognizing the look of terror for what it was. Anyanka had always liked money. She knew that now that her old friend was human, her love for green would have just increased. "Anyanka, I spent an exorbitant amount of money on these jeans that should have could have been used in a much more productive way."

"How?" Anya was still pouting as she sat down at the table with Xander. She looked up at him with big pleading eyes, eyes that Xander knew he could only resist for a certain amount of time.

"Well, for starters I could have tripled the amount on the stock market easily." Instantly Anya's attention had snapped away from Xander and she was beside Ari in a flash.

"Really? How do you do that? Are there things you know that I don't which could make me more money? Tell me now!" Anya was already grabbing a pen, notepad, and her stock portfolio from behind the register counter.

"Anyanka, really. I've been living in this dimension for over 750 years, acting as a human. I can pretty much tell you what businesses will fail and which will succeed simply by reading their basic financial information and their mission statement." As Anya ushered Arabella into the back office for questioning, Arabella turned her head and smiled at Xander. He mouthed thank-you as he flopped back into his chair with a sigh of relief. He would definitely have to get some notes from Arabella on how to distract Anya.

An hour later, Xander was being the dutiful fiancé and ringing up a customer's purchase of snake tongue while he tried to not look completely disgusted. As he said the classic "thank-you for shopping at the Magic Box" the two women came walking out of the back room laughing. At seeing Xander at the cash register, Anya quickly bustled over to count her money.

Xander moved back over to his usual seat and was followed by Arabella, who plopped down in the chair beside him.

"Anyanka, I forgot to ask, but do you carry unicorn balm?" Arabella called as she lazily flipped through the book in front of her.

"Of course," Anya side happily as she realized that Xander had made her money and she was about to make more.

"What's unicorn balm?" Xander asked, shrugging off the concept that unicorns actually existed.

"Oh, it's a balm you rub on your temples. It's very relaxing and wards off all who want to do you harm," Anya said matter of factly while she went to retrieve the small vile of it she kept out front.

"Anya, honey, wouldn't that be a useful thing for you to give, say, _us_, to use? The whole warding off harm thing definitely sounds appealing."

"It's very expensive and rare. Plus it doesn't stop evil and harm, just deters it a bit." Anya came over to the table and patted Xander's arm in support. "The things that want to hurt the Scoobies would only pause before they tried to kill us if we used it." She then went over to the counter to wrap and ring up Arabella's purchase.

"I'm just going to pop to the back room to grab my wallet," Arabella smiled as she got up.

As soon as she disappeared, the chimes above the door rang as a frazzled looking Willow, a very angry Buffy, and a sullen looking Dawn stormed in.

"If it isn't three of my favourite ladies from Revello Drive. How are you three this fine morning?" When all he got were three sets of glares, he realized that it might be time to make a hasty exit. "That good, huh? Maybe I'll just go and get us some donuts. Nothing like sugary pastry to make all troubles go away." Xander smiled nervously as he tried to make a hasty exit, only to be stopped by the shrill voice of his soon-to-be blushing bride.

"Xander Lavelle Harris, you will not be leaving me here alone with these three!" She promptly got three glares sent in her direction. "What? You all look very angry and very scary. And I'm having a happy day with lots of money. I don't want it to be ruined." 

Anya went back to carefully packaging the unicorn balm while Xander sat back down in his seat. Willow sat beside him, and leaned over to let Xander in on what was happening.

"Dawn got busted at the Bronze last night by Spike." She whispered, looking around nervously. She didn't want to deal with another Dawn and Buffy shouting match like the one that happened walking to the Magic Box.

"What did Evil Dead see her doing, chatting it up with some boy from her school?" Xander snickered, sure that whatever it was couldn't be as bad as the three girls thought.

"Or drinking beer, smoking, and dressed in practically nothing."

"WHAT?" Xander couldn't help himself, but promptly leaned back towards Willow. "I mean, what? Are you sure?"

"Unfortunately yes. I've never seen Buffy this mad. And I think Dawn is even angrier than Buffy because of Buffy's reaction. All they did was fight last night. And then Spike and Buffy were yelling. This morn – "

"Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean Spike and Buffy are yelling? Why was he even there?"

"He's the one that found Dawn. I think he was just as angry about it as Buffy and they were letting off steam together."

"Or she was kicking him to the curb after he served his purpose," Xander snorted.

Willow gave him an annoyed look as she said, "Xander, you know how I feel about Spike, but you have to admit he really does care about Dawn."

Xander just rolled his eyes and went back to watching as Anya yet again fiddled with the reception seating plan.

Buffy and Dawn had positioned themselves on either side of the room. Dawn was near the counter rearranging jars, while Buffy had busied herself with looking out the window, praying that Tara would come soon. They had a lot to talk about.

The room was dead silent for a few moments when the telltale sound of boots could be heard coming from the back room. All looked up as Ari made her entrance, hand buried in a large purse as she looked for a wallet. 

Without looking up, she said, "Anyanka, you do take VISA, right? I hope so. I'm almost out of unicorn's balm and it's impossible to find. Now where is my wallet?" She paused at the entrance to the main part of the shop, still searching around the large bag. Finally she emitted a cry of triumph, her hand appearing with a small wallet to show for its journey. She looked up with a smile and headed over to the register, where Anya was eagerly waiting. 

Ari was about to hand over the plastic card when Dawn swung around, revealing her face. "Bhagavantu." Arabella whispered quietly, freezing mid-movement. Anya was the only one to hear and her head snapped up with a look combining shock and panic on her face.

"What did you say, Ari?" Anya's voice was a tense whisper as she tried to remain calm and take the credit card.

"I said nothing important. Just mumbling to myself." Arabella smiled and prayed Anya didn't hear her clearly.

"No you didn't, you said – "

"Nothing!" This time the word came out harsher, but Anya held her ground in their quiet, unnoticed argument by the Scoobies around them. Speaking more loudly as she signed the receipt, Arabella said, "Anyanka, how about taking me to the hotel now? I'm still quite tired from all that happened yesterday and I really am dying for a nice bath." She turned around and headed towards the training room where Xander had stored her suitcases earlier. "Xander, would you mind helping me with my luggage again?"

"Sure." Xander got up and started to follow, oblivious to the tension rolling off Anya and Ari. Anya followed moments later, after telling Dawn to watch the register and warning her that she knew the exact amount of cash in it.

The three females remaining looked around nervously, two refusing to look at one another. After easily ten minutes of silence, Buffy jumped up from her perch and loudly announced, "I'm going to train!" She made a quick beeline for the back of the shop, leaving a stressed best friend and scowling sister in her wake.

Once in the training room, Buffy quickly taped her hands and began to slowly punch and kick at the punching bag that hung in one corner of the room.

"Treat me like an adult!" PUNCH. "Lock and key. Please!" KICK. "I'll show her lock and key!" JAB, PUNCH, KICK. "And of course, of all people to find her." PUNCH. "It has to be," PUNCH, JAB. "Spike!" KICK. "Oh Arabella." KICK. "Old friends my ass." PUNCH, PUNCH, JAB. "Oh Ari. Oh Lamb." KICK, KICK, KICK. "Why," PUNCH, "does," PUNCH, "he," PUNCH, "have," PUNCH, "to," PUNCH, "call," PUNCH, "her," PUNCH, "that!" KICK, KICK, KICK.

Just then, there was a loud knock at the door. Buffy spun around angrily, "What now!" she snapped as the door opened.

Tara poked her head in timidly, afraid to disturb Buffy while training. She had come in the back way, realizing that Buffy would probably make an exit from the front to train as soon as she could. She knew it would be best to talk to Buffy before she even tried to deal with Dawn. She knew both were impossibly stubborn, but from what Willow told her on the phone, Buffy had the right to be stubborn on this matter.

As soon as Buffy saw who it was, her face softened with a look of relief. "Tara, thank-God!"

Tara quickly found herself in a big hug, a crying Buffy dragging her down to the floor. For a few minutes Tara just sat trying to soothe her friend. When the crying subsided to softer whimpers, she finally spoke. "Buffy, sshhh. It's OK. Things with Dawn can't be as bad as they seem. I'm sure together we'll be able to get through it."

Her words caused Buffy to burst into tears again, but through the sobs Buffy managed to say, "It's not just that. I know I can handle that."

"Then what is it?" Tara said soothingly, taking Buffy's hand in a show of support. She knew the name that was coming, she just had no idea why.

"It's this woman." Tara looked at the sniffling Buffy with a confused look. Not at all what she expected. "That's not right. She's a higher being according to Willow and Anya." Buffy let out a bitter snort at this point, "Higher being my ass."

Tara was getting more confused. Higher beings weren't something that she expected Buffy to be so negative about. Usually they brought on a calming affect. "What's wrong with her?" Tara coaxed gently.

Buffy rolled her blood shot, puffy eyes in response. "What isn't wrong with her? She's got this really fancy English accent, and she's gorgeous. And she's got loads of money, you should have seen what she was wearing today. And she always has to know everything." Buffy whined like a five year old, stray tears running down her face. "And everyone loves her. Anya's known her forever, and she's, like, best friends with Spike. I mean, does she know every demon in Sunnydale?"

Tara had to hide the grin that threatened to cross her face. Spike was close with this woman. No wonder Buffy hated her. Tara often wondered why she hadn't seen it a long time ago. Even though Buffy denied any feelings other than the lusty kind towards Spike, Tara knew better. After Buffy confided in her, Tara took every chance she got to observe the Slayer and vampire together. She even put specific effort into closely reading the two's auras when she wanted to confirm what she read through their regular actions. When there was any contact between the two – whether verbal, physical, or even just being in the same room – both their auras were blazing with colour. There was so much emotion between the two that Tara wondered how long it had been like this. Certainly longer than the last few months. With a connection like what they seemed to have Tara began to wonder if it had always been there, from the day they met. 

Of course, Tara wouldn't say any of this to Buffy. She knew that Buffy could only deny the feelings she had for Spike for a certain amount of time. What she really needed was for her loved ones to show her that it was OK for her to love Spike. It pained Tara to see Buffy sacrifice her own heart out of fear about how her friends would judge her. As Tara watched Buffy cry over the pain and fear of losing the love she didn't even realize she had, Tara resolved that she would give Buffy her fairytale 'happily ever after' if it was the last thing she did. If anyone deserved it, Buffy did.

"Buffy, calm down. Who are you talking about?"

"Arabella Louise Montgomery," Buffy said with a mocking tone. "I don't trust her Tara. She's too cozy with Spike to be anything but evil."

Tara could barely hide her grin now. "So let me get this straight – she's a higher being and both Anya and Willow confirm that she's a good guy." Buffy nodded. "But you're convinced she's a bad guy because she's friends with Spike?" Buffy nodded again. 

"I know you probably think it's stupid, but she's hiding something. And it's big."

"And how is Spike?"

Buffy scowled and crossed her arms. "I wouldn't know. I decided end whatever it was with him after the demon egg incident. I just don't trust her."

"So it has nothing to do with Spike?" 

"No! Well, yes. But not because it's Spike. She's friends with a vampire. A vicious, infamous, evil, soulless vampire!" Buffy said for emphasis, trying to convince Tara as well as herself that what she said was true. A small part of her brain was yelling at her to stop acting like a jealous teenager. That she was being completely irrational, but if Buffy was anything, she was the queen of ignoring the part of her brain that made her face things she didn't want to face, so ignoring the small voice was easy.

Tara just gave Buffy a supportive hug. Giving Buffy her fairytale would be a lot harder than she had anticipated. She knew Buffy herself would be the biggest hurdle to overcome; Tara had just underestimated how big of a hurdle she was.

"I want you to do me a favour and come with me to the Bronze tonight."

"O…Okay. But, um, why?"

"Arabella and Spike have plans to meet and catch up. If we eavesdrop, maybe we can learn more about her." Buffy was beginning to feel better after her minor breakdown. 

"Why do you want me to come with you? Wouldn't Willow or Xander be better?"

"No!" Buffy said with slight panic in her voice. "What if they talk about, you know, _us_? Xander and Willow can never know."

Tara sighed. "Okay, but you know I don't like lying to Willow about anything. Just tell me the time. I should probably go and talk to Dawn."

Buffy smiled at her friend like a little child that was just given a gift. "Thanks, Tara. I owe you big time for this. How about 9:15, just outside the Bronze?"

Tara nodded in agreement as she got up to head to the front of the stop. She just hoped the conversation they heard tonight didn't make things worse between the two. It could actually be a good thing, as Tara thought about it. If they were friends like Buffy said, then maybe Buffy would see a version of Spike that was less hostile and defensive than the one around the Scoobies.


	8. The Glow of Tequila

Truth Keeper 

Author's Note: Wow, this took me forever to write. And I'm not even sure if it's exactly how I want it to be, but it's becoming the bane of my existence so here you go, hope you enjoy! (I'm happily moving on with the story). Anyways, thanks for all the great reviews from the last chapter, I kept going back to them whenever I needed some serious motivation. Please keep reviewing, I really appreciate your feedback. On a side note, obviously the time between the posts for this fiction are getting longer and longer. Unfortunately, I can't promise that that is going to change. I'm really busy at work right now and life just keeps getting in the way. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible, but no guarantees. So, here you go, read, enjoy, (review!)!!!

Chapter 8 – The Glow of Tequila 

Tara shivered and wrapped her coat around herself a little more tightly as she waited for Buffy. She looked around nervously and was glad for the stake she held tightly in her hand. The alley in front of the Bronze was unusually empty for a Saturday night, and she had seen very few people head into the club. She shivered again and thought about her day so far.

Dawn had not been the most receptive person that afternoon. She had decided that everyone was against her and that even Tara was supporting Buffy's side. Which, in all honesty, was true. But only because all the Scoobies cared for Dawn like she was their own sister. They wanted to ensure that she didn't get herself into trouble. _Maybe we are a little over-protective, but we actually have a good reason to be._ Tara always had a motherly instinct, even when she was Dawn's age. She liked to protect her family and Dawn was her family. She was so upset when Willow told her what had gone down the night before. She had really thought that Dawn was shaping up and stopping with the bad behaviour that had become characteristic of late.

Tara shook her head and tried to snuggle into her jacket a little bit more. It was definitely a more awkward action when you were holding a stake. _Sometimes I really do wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better. But that's not what magic's for. It's not to make life easier. _The thought made her start to think about Willow and everything that was Willow. It caused her to feel the deep ache inside that was characteristic of all Willow-esque thoughts. An ache that was part sadness over how much she missed her love, and part anger over everything that had gone on between them. The sadness part of the ache had recently been overpowering the anger though, and Tara thought that maybe it was time for her and Willow to sit down and talk.

Before Tara could get anymore lost in her thoughts, she felt a hand clasp down on her shoulder. She jumped around in surprise, automatically raising her stake in defence. As soon as she saw who it was, she dropped her hand and looked down sheepishly. "S..sorry, Buffy. You scared me."

Buffy just laughed and smiled at her friend. "Don't worry about it Tara. I'm actually kinda proud of you. A stake-happy Scooby, is a living Scooby." Tara looked up and smiled. Buffy linked arms with her friend, and led her towards the entrance to the Bronze. It was time for a little snooping.

As they entered the Bronze, the two were both taken back by how empty it was. Tara instantly sensed the magic around the club. "There's a repellent spell."

"A what?" Although Buffy looked at her friend quizzically, her posture told a different story. She had tensed up, ready for anyone or anything to jump out from one of the many shadows in the Bronze.

"It's a type of spell that deters people from going somewhere. Don't worry though, this one doesn't feel dark."

"Again with the what?"

"I distinctly feel light coming from this magic. As if whoever cast it was just looking for peace and quiet. Don't worry Buffy, we're fine." Tara placed a reassuring hand on Buffy's shoulder. She didn't want to say anything, but she suspected that Spike's friend was the caster. When she felt Buffy's body relax, she dropped her hand and looked around.

"So, um, wh.. what are we going to do again?"

"Find Spike and what's-her-name, keep hidden, and listen to their conversation."

"O..okay. What if, what if they see us?" Tara didn't like this idea. She knew that whatever Buffy heard would end up hurting her. _But maybe that's what Buffy needs_, a small voice in the back of her head whispered. Buffy needed to hear and see Spike in a situation where he wasn't trying to be what he was in front of the Scoobies. Tara had seen that side the past summer one night when he didn't think anyone was paying attention. He was sitting in a corner of the shop, hidden away in the shadows. Instead of slouching in his chair, smoking, and throwing out a sarcastic comment whenever he could, Spike was reading intently. No one else noticed him, but Tara did. He had a small, content smile on his face and seemed to be a million miles away. Tara wasn't surprised at how much softer his face seemed when he didn't have his guard up. She always hoped that she would see him like that again, but never had. This would probably be the only opportunity that Buffy had to see that side. _But it's still not right. We're invading his privacy._ The other side of Tara's brain would not be ignored. Spike wouldn't just be angry if he caught them eavesdropping, he'd be furious. And justifiably so. They had no right to listen to a personal conversation of his.

A short, blond powerhouse tugging on her sleeve cut off Tara's internal debate. "There they are! God, it looks like they're already drunk." Tara looked in the direction Buffy was pointing. It was a dark corner booth that could only be seen you specifically sought it out. The two girls were lucky they had found them. Arabella and Spike were sitting on either side of the small table, each with a shot glass in hand, a bottle of tequila between them. They were laughing at something, completely oblivious to their surroundings.

Buffy gestured to the booth beside them, and the two girls headed towards it, trying to be as stealth like as possible.

"God, we really did have fun back then didn't we Will?" Arabella smiled brightly as she leaned back and looked at her old friend.

"Yeah, things were pretty damn fantastic until Prague. So, how have you been since then lamb?" Spike leaned towards his friend. They were talking loudly, not really thinking about the possibility of anyone listening. They had both drunk enough that they were steadily heading towards a healthy state of drunkenness, and were happy to be oblivious to the club around them. Spike didn't even notice his senses kick in when Buffy and Tara slid into the booth next to theirs. He and Arabella just kept on talking, completely unaware of the two new pairs of ears listening in on their conversation.

"I was hoping we were going to go straight to talking about you. My life is such a bore." Arabella laughed as she poured them both another shot.

"I really doubt that."

"No, really. Things become rather repetitive after a few centuries. Nothing about me has changed since you last saw me. I still live in the same bloody house for Powers' sake."

"You're not going to tell me anything are you?"

"Definitely not while I'm sober." Arabella raised her shot glass in emphasis and through it back.

"Better change that then," he met her toast with his own before throwing back his own shot.

"So, William, may I ask you a question?" She leaned forward conspiratorially, a sly grin on her face.

"Anything, lamb."

"What's with the accent? I thought we already had this discussion."

"Dru didn't like it," Spike shrugged. In the next booth, Buffy and Tara looked at each other, both with looks that said 'huh?' on their faces.

"Drusilla's insane."

"True," Spike chuckled, thinking about how much he used to love that particular aspect of his dark princess. "I actually like my accent. Besides, what was I supposed to do? You've never dealt with both her and Miss Edith having  temper tantrums at the same time."

"Miss Edith's a doll. How can she have a temper tantrum?"

"Ask Dru."

"Speaking of the crazy bat, where is she?"

"Do we really have to discuss this right now? I'm still quite sober," For a brief moment, Spike's accent slipped into the accent he had when mortal. It was clean and posh, just like the accent of the red head facing him.

"There's the William I know and love," Ari smiled and poured them another shot.

"Piss off."

"I would darling, but I really can't be bothered…" Spike tried to look back at her with a serious expression, but he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. It had been a long time since he had been out with a real friend. A friend that there were no ulterior motives and no need to watch your back with. Not that watching your back would help you if this particular friend got angry…Arabella smiled, then cocked her head to the side. "So are you going to answer my question? What _have_ you been up to? And don't try to shrug it off because I know that it's big."

"As much as I love you Ari, this last thing I bloody well want to do is re-hash the disaster my unlife has become since Prague." Spike had somehow slipped completely into the accent of his youth. Although he used the same slang, it somehow sounded more debonair than rough.

"William…"

"Arabella…"

"Please Will…" Her voice took on a high-pitched whine, and she looked at him like a little child.

"Lamb… Oh don't bloody look at me like that. You know your sodding puppy dog eyes always get me. I thought we agreed that you wouldn't use them."

"You agreed, I just pretended to," she grinned evilly. "How about this – for every significant event, we do a shot. And you can decide whether or not the events are significant. I'm sure we'll get pissed more quickly that way."

Spike knew it would be impossible to argue. She was more stubborn than him and the Slayer combined. So Spike started to tell her everything. He told her about Dru and his travels around North America, New York and his second slayer, coming to Sunnydale and everything that had happened since the first time he hit that sign. Spike even told her about Harmony. 

As he told his story, Buffy listened in rapt attention. She had always known Spike had travelled around, but she never expected him to talk about it like this. At first she thought it was the change in his accent, but quickly she realized it was something else. It was _what_ he was telling Arabella about. Not once did he mention violence or fighting, or the people he killed. He went on and on about the different scenery, the difference in the people, the interesting things he had seen. He sounded like a normal man talking about his travels, instead of the blood-thirsty killer she knew he was. She couldn't help but want to believe he was just a man talking about his travels as she listened in rapt attention.

There was just one thing he left out of his stories – Buffy. More specifically, his feelings for the blond slayer. He didn't try to lie and pretend that Buffy hadn't been a key player in his downfall from master vampire to neutered puppy, he just made sure his emotions were not included in any Buffy-stories. It was the one thing he didn't want Ari to know because if she knew how he felt about Buffy, she would quickly learn about everything that happened since Buffy had come back. Spike couldn't let that happen. He wanted to tell her so badly, but what would she think? William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, completely whipped by The Slayer… And completely heartbroken because of her.

Spike rubbed his eyes and grabbed the shot in front of him. He didn't want to think about that, no _her_. He wanted to smile and laugh, let things be like they used to be before Sunnydale.

"So you come back after the Slayer's kicked your arse out of town for a third time, just to get zapped by a bunch of _humans_, and for them to make you their personal guinea pig?" Arabella said between laughs, barely controlling herself, "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it. And I always thought you were rather bright."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike said this resentfully, his voice thick with the accent Buffy was used to. He had been slipping more and more back to the East London accent with every shot he did.

"Well, I know you love a good fight and all, but really, self-preservation must have kicked in after she sent you running the second time. You had a good reason to come back a third time, I'll give you that. But a fourth? What on earth would possess you?" Arabella smiled drunkenly while she poured them both another shot. She couldn't help but find the story Spike had told her amusing. She knew from experience just how smart Spike really was. He put a great deal of effort into ensuring that no one knew about his brains, but often he let it slip. She also knew that even though he was rash and impulsive, he wouldn't be stupid enough to attempt to return to a place where he had seen his life ruined time and time again for no good reason.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Somewhere in Spike's mind, he knew that response was horrible and completely transparent, but at that moment he had thrown back enough tequila that that part of his mind wasn't working. Unfortunately for him, Arabella's mind was working slightly better than his, and she was carefully studying him while she thought about the two times she had seen him since she had come to Sunnydale. As she thought about the night before, she suddenly remembered her first thought when she heard Buffy and Spike arguing downstairs._ They sounded like boyfriend and girlfriend…_

"Oh my Powers," Arabella suddenly felt very sober. "William, look at me." Spike looked up lazily from where he had rested his head on the table. He tried to focus, but was finding it difficult to even raise his head. "Look at me!" The stern tone of her voice made Spike sit up, trying to clear the haze from his brain. He watched as Ari examined his face very carefully. He could see the wheels turning in her head. After about a minute of staring at one another, Arabella finally whispered, "You're in love with her." Spike just looked down. He had really hoped she wouldn't go there. "You're in love with the Slayer!" She said louder, still not able to fully believe it.

"Is it really that obvious?" Spike said with resignation as he reached for the bottle in front of him. He didn't even bother to pour himself a shot, instead just taking a healthy swig from the bottle.

"I don't know how I didn't see it before. Last night – "

"Can we please not go into this right now." Spike could already feel the telltale ache that the thought of Buffy had been causing him. He knew the more and more they talked about her, the worst it would get. He also knew there was no way that he could avoid talking about her with Arabella now.

"It's rather tragic really. The Slayer of Slayers and the Slayer in love. How terribly romantic." Arabella said this more to herself than to Spike. She knew now why the Powers had sent her to Sunnydale with a very specific task instead of leaving her to her usual pattern of floating around the planet without any specific mission. She never really thought the job would be this complicated. 

"Whoever said the Slayer was in love?" 

Arabella was snapped out of her thoughts instantly by this statement, "What do you mean? I heard you fighting last night."

"And?"

"And what, you don't fight like that with a friend."

"Try enemy." It was amazing how one statement could sober a person up so quickly. The Slayer in love. For a brief moment, hearing someone say that had been music to Spike's ears. Someone else verbalizing his dreams. Unfortunately the reality of the situation came rushing back and hit him like a tidal wave. A painful, hope-shattering tidal wave. He wanted to nip this conversation in the butt before Arabella could figure out everything that had been happening. He couldn't deal with that.

"Or an enemy, or anything but a – " 

Of course, she could always completely ignore his attempts to end a conversation like she always had before.

"Please don't say that word Ari."

"Why not. Will, what's going on?" The pain in that plea had not gone unnoticed to the keeper.

"Nothing." Spike was looking down at the table, staring at his hand as he traced figures on its surface. He knew that if he looked at her she would know everything. 

"There is. Look at me," Arabella asked him gently, trying to coax the vampire to let her know what was going on. 

"No."

Arabella didn't try to get him to say more. She knew that if she tried to force him to do anything, he would just get angry and storm out. Love was a touchy issue with her Will. Always had been. Sometimes Arabella wondered what made him feel so much. She knew that most childer vampires felt strong emotions, but the strength of Spike's emotions had always be unique. Unlike with most demons, he let _all_ his emotions guide him, not just his darker ones. Maybe it was because he was feeling so much when he was turned, or maybe it was just some plan the Powers had. Arabella didn't know, but she did know how to deal with him when he was hurting. Patience. Eventually he would tell her. It was in his nature to say what he was thinking and feeling. It was in her nature to listen.

Arabella and Spike sat in silence for about ten minutes. At the booth beside them, Buffy was gripping onto the counter waiting to hear what would be said next. She was beginning to think that they were aware her presence and were doing this to torture her by the time Spike spoke again. 

"She can't love me."

He said the sentence in a normal voice, the kind of voice you use when telling someone the temperature or what time it is. Deep down, Spike knew it was fact and that there was nothing he could do to change it. Buffy couldn't love him. She wasn't allowed to love him. Saying it out loud finally made it real. All reality did was make Spike feel numb. He never thought that he could feel nothing, but somehow saying those four words out loud had produced nothing but numbness.

"Sorry?" Arabella had been snapped out of her thoughts with what sounded like a casual statement, but something in her brain was telling her it was anything but.

"She can't love me. That's what she said." Spike replied in the same casual tone he had used before. Unfortunately, the numbness was starting to thaw as he looked at his friend's reaction.

Buffy cringed at the way he repeated the words she had used. It was so empty, just like how it had been when she had seen him in the cemetery. For some reason, his lack of emotion made her feel scared. She wasn't scared of him though. It was something else. Something intangible that was causing the feeling. Almost as if she knew she was losing something she desperately wanted to hold onto.

Tara just looked at her friend knowingly. She had picked up on the working Spike had used, and she knew exactly what it meant. She also noticed the look on Buffy's face as he said it. She hoped that Buffy was finally figuring things out.

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"Of course she said that, you were fighting." Arabella tried to brush off the sentence. She knew he was being far too casual for what he was saying to be true. She had seen them together, and she had seen Spike's reactions earlier. The evening had become very confusing for her and she didn't know how she was meant to react to his statement. She had never seen Spike talk about something without emotion. Usually his feelings radiated off him in waves, but suddenly she felt as if she was looking at an empty shell of her old friend.__

"Not then. That morning."

"Oh…" Now Ari was just confused. She stared at the wall she had been looking at before for a moment, before she simply asked, "Why?"

"We were… we were… I don't know, I wish I could say together or involved but then there would have to be a reciprocation of feelings."

"What do you mean?" Spike's voice had taken on a bitter tone, and it just confused Ari more. She didn't know what had been happening with her friend, but she knew it had to be very bad. 

"We were shagging. To me, it was like a dream come true. To have her in my arms… Did you know that she was dead?"

"The Powers mentioned it."

"But she came back. And she talked to me. _Me._ Not her bloody friends who are oblivious to what she's actually feeling, what she wants and needs. Bloody useless lot. Can't get over the fact that she's the Slayer. They think it makes her invincible and the solution to all problems under the sodding sun. Expect her to fix everything about their pathetic lives and give her nothing in return."

"Will, stay on subject." 

"Right. She came to me. That alone was a dream come true. And then we kissed."

"And I'm assuming more followed."

"Yeah, but not like that. Every time, afterwards, even after the first kiss. She'd push me away. Deny anything happened. Say it was wrong, bad. You want to know what she said to me the morning after we first made – shagged?"

Arabella had been listening to what he was saying very carefully. The sadness and bitterness that had overtaken the calm tone he used before were heart wrenching. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what Spike would say next, but she had to know. She had to know everything. "What?"

"You're just convenient."

"Oh… Will… I don't… bloody hell. Why would she – I'm actually speechless." Arabella's heart went out to the vampire sitting across from her. She had heard a lot of horrible things in the 750 years she had walked the earth, but that had to be one of the worst. The pain in Spike's eyes as he repeated his love's words just made it worse. She didn't know what to do, or what to say.

Tara just looked at Buffy with an expression the combined shock and horror. For some reason, she had convinced herself that Buffy had been over-exaggerating in how terrible the things she said and did to Spike were. She had seen the black eye, but knew Spike could handle it. But saying something like that, it made her wonder if maybe she shouldn't try and help things work for the vampire and slayer. Then she looked at Buffy and the expression on her face. Guilt and shame flickered across it while Buffy tried to hide her feelings with a look of nonchalance. Tara realised that there would need to be a lot of healing on both sides before Buffy got her fairy tale.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Spike tried to laugh off the statement as he poured him and Ari each another shot. Ari downed hers quickly before looking at him expectantly.

"So that's it right?"

"I wish."

"What do you mean? It happened again?"

"And again, and again, and again." He emphasized the statement by bobbing his shot of tequila in the air with each 'again,' before finally throwing it back.

"But what she said – "

"Oh, that's nothing lamb. And I've got the scars to prove it." This was said with a chuckle. He desperately wanted to make the discussion lighter than he knew it was. He went to pour another shot, but was stopped by a hand firmly gripping his wrist. He looked up and directly into the large, angry eyes of his friend. He knew there would be no chance of avoiding this conversation. He just hoped he could finish the conversation as fast as possible.

"Tell me." Arabella spoke with a firmness that had not been present in her earlier requests of Spike.

"No." Spike just shook his head and went to pour himself another shot, but the same hand stopped him.

"Will."

"NO! There's nothing to tell."

"Please."

"Could you just let it be, lamb?" Spike looked at Arabella pleadingly, but the look on her face told him she would not back down.

"I need to know."

"Why? Why do you need to know? It happened, it doesn't matter." Spike was suddenly shouting angrily, frustrated that she wouldn't just let him be.

"Bullocks. Tell me. Tell me everything." Arabella responded in just angry a tone. 

"I can't." As quickly as Spike had had his outburst, he was back to slouching in his seat.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Because it hurts too goddamn much." Spike snapped as he grabbed for the bottle, this time successfully pouring himself a shot. He threw it back and said, "Are you happy now?"

"Not really. Come here." Arabella reached out her arms and gestured for Spike to come closer.

"You know I love the your sensitive side, but I'm really not in the mood for hugs and a cuddle."

"Stop being a wanker. Come here. I'm going to find out everything, the hard way."

Spike was instantly backing away from her, hands out in front him trying to create another barrier between him and Arabella, "Oh no, I don't think so lamb. Keep your hands away. I'm warning you!"

"William, don't be daft," Arabella just rolled her eyes and moved towards Spike. "You know you won't feel a thing. I'm the one who get the bloody marathon migraine after this. Thank the Powers there's alcohol nearby." She placed her hands on either side of Spike's head gently. Spike just looked at her in defeat.

"Ari, do we have to do this?"

"Yes! Now please relax."

Arabella closed her eyes and rolled her shoulders back. Spike closed his own eyes nervously as he felt her fingers spread over the side of his face. Suddenly he felt what could only be described as a blanket of calmness surrounded him. He could feel it wrapping around every part his body, inside and out. He gave in and let the soothing feelings wash over him. He stopped worrying about what Arabella was doing or all of the problems that had been consuming his unlife over the past few months and years. For the moment, he felt like everything was all right, he felt at peace.

A bright green glow was radiating from the lines where Arabella's palms made contact with Spike's head. Starting at the tips of her fingers, what first looked like green veins started to grow. As they spread down her fingers and onto the main part her hand and then arms, the green became clearer. The veins were actually writing, in a language so old no texts or scrolls were even written in it. The symbols continued to spread up Arabella's arms and over her shoulders. Slowly both sides of her neck and face were also covered with the same green writing. As soon as the green reached her hairline, Ari snapped her head back and she grimaced.

She was bombarded with images of Spike and Buffy's relationship. From their first meeting outside the Bronze four years earlier, to the last words Buffy had said to Spike before he had stormed out of her house the night before. Not only did she see everything, but she felt everything too. She felt Spikes pain and sadness, his frustration and anger, his hope whenever there was even the smallest hint that Buffy had any feelings for him. But most of all she felt his love for the Slayer. That's what hurt her the most. The unconditional love the vampire felt for someone who continued to use that love however she deemed fit while never giving said vampire anything in return. Arabella had never felt so much pain in her long life.

Finally Arabella couldn't take anymore and ripped her hands away from the sides of Spike's head. Instantly, the glowing from her palms and the green writing disappeared and Arabella slumped into her seat, eyes still closed. Spike jolted from the world he had been in back to reality. He was completely alert and looked over at Ari. She had placed her head in her hands and was rubbing her eyes roughly..

"Lamb, are you alright?"

Spike leaned over towards her. She just continued to rub her eyes with one hand while absently reaching for the almost empty bottle of tequila. She gulped down the remaining golden liquid silently, not even bothering to cringe as it burned a path down her throat. Finally, she looked up at Spike and asked in a steady, but obviously upset voice, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you let her do that?"

Spike looked down at his hands and studied his fingers carefully. He thought about the question carefully before looking back up and directly into Arabella's eyes. "I love her so God damn much that it hurts more to be away from her. When she's not there, it's like I'm missing something important. It's like my reason to do anything, anything at all, is gone. All I can do is wait for the next time I smell her, hear her heart beat, taste her. I don't care what I have to put up with to get that."

"It shouldn't be that way. Love should never be that way."

"Ta, lamb. Don't worry yourself over it. More complicated than that. You know what Slayers are taught; black and white, good vs. evil, no in-between. And she's right. I am a demon. I've got no soul, I am evil. Never lied about that. Can't deny loving a good spot of violence with a little mayhem on the side. Only thing she's got wrong is that I do have feelings. Not her fault though. It's what she's been taught." Spike just shrugged and looked at his hands. His head instantly snapped up when her heard the bitter chuckle coming from beside him.

"It's what she's been taught? _It's what she's been taught?_ What the hell are you saying? Whistler's been here. If she took a moment and used her bloody brain she would know that there's a bloody inbetween! She knows that there is very, very little in this world that is pure evil or pure good. How can you justify her beating you, and treating you," Arabella faltered before continuing, "and making you believe what she says. She's the bloody monster that needs to be _slayed_." Arabella had been slowly getting louder and angrier as she spoke. She suddenly jumped up from the booth and grabbed her purse. She stormed out of the Bronze, with Spike chasing quickly after her.

Buffy just sat in her seat, unable to move. She hadn't been able to move since the realization the Arabella knew everything that had gone on between her and Spike. She realized something big was happening when she saw the green glow emanating from their booth, but she never thought it would be something as big as this. And then there was what Spike had said. She felt as if he had somehow reached into her with his words. She had heard him say things like it before, but she had never heard the truth in his voice. She finally had, only now she had no idea about what to do about it. And then what he had said about black and white, good and evil. She had completely forgotten about the annoying demon and the fact that his soulless status didn't stop him from doing good. She just chose to write him off as being some random exception from the rules.

What hurt her the most was that Spike simply accepted her outlook. The one thing she had grudgingly admitted to liking about him was the fact that he never just accepted anything. So why would he accept something that seemed to hurt him so much? She couldn't understand it. Had she finally gotten him to give up, to stop trying for the impossible? She knew that this should make her happy, but all she felt was sadness at the thought. Buffy couldn't understand why she was feeling what she was feeling.

Buffy turned sharply when she felt Tara's hand on her shoulder. "Buffy, you haven't told me everything, have you?" Tara spoke with a confidence that she rarely let anyone see. Obviously, there was a lot more happening between Buffy and Spike than she initially thought. Tara knew this, but the pain and horror she could hear in Arabella's voice, the anger. Tara was only just beginning to understand just how dysfunctional and hurtful the relationship between Buffy and Spike was. And from what she could gather from the information at hand, most of the pain was being initiated by Buffy's hand. Tara needed to know exactly what was going on if she was going to be able to do anything.

Buffy looked at Tara's determined face and sighed deeply. She stood up and turned to her friend. "I don't want to talk about this right now." _Deny, ignore, avoid,_ Buffy thought to herself. The three words were definitely becoming her motto.

"Buffy!" Tara called after Buffy, but didn't move from her chair. All confidence she had possessed a few moments before were gone, and she was afraid to see what he slayer would do if the tried to force her to talk about her relationship with Spike. Buffy ignored her friend and walked out the door. As she headed towards Revello Drive, the same sentence repeated over and over in her head. _She's the bloody monster that needs to be slayed._ Buffy couldn't help but agree.

Meanwhile, Spike was quickly trying to catch up with Arabella as she stormed towards the graveyard she had passed on her way to the Bronze.

"Arabella, where are you going?"

Arabella stopped abruptly and turned around to face Spike. She had a cold, angry look on her face, her eyes full of hate. "Where is she right now?"

"What?"

"Where would she be?" Ari turned around again and headed towards the graveyard. Her eyes had started to glow the same green her hands had been glowing earlier, but it seemed more eerie than calming this time.

"What are you doing? What are you going to do?" Spike was close to panicking. He had never seen Arabella angry before. Never. He often forgot that she wasn't human, her bursts of supernatural speed and strength didn't do justice to the power she possessed. Seeing the glow in her eyes made the reality of the situation hit him, and Spike was feeling an emotion he rarely, if ever felt. Fear.

"I'm going to kill her." She said it so calmly, so rationally. Spike didn't know what to do. All he knew was that if he panicked, he wouldn't be able to stop Arabella before she did whatever she had planned.

"Ari…" Spike reached out and grabbed Arabella's arm, only to instantly pull his hand away in pain. "Ow! Bloody hell, you're burning hot."

"I'm angry." Again with the calmness. Spike decided he really didn't like the calmness.

"Please, Arabella, stop."

And she did, only to turn and face him so he could see the full effect of her glowing eyes and the electricity that seemed to be crackling from them.

"There is no way in hell that I'm going to allow anyone to treat a member of my family that way.  Where would she be right now?" When Spike didn't answer, she let out a loud sigh and headed into the graveyard. 

"Ari, Lamb, stop. Think rationally. What about the Powers? What about why you're here?" 

"I couldn't give two shits about the Powers and my work right now. Now tell me where she is!" 

Spike was desperate. He had to stop her before she hurt the one being on this planet that made him feel like there was a reason to keep on going. He needed to find something that would get her to pause for a moment and think. To tame her anger. "Arabella, please. Don't. I love her."

"Why should that stop me? Why? You're love for her is killing you piece by piece!" Arabella was facing him now, her anger starting to be directed towards him. Spike just looked into her eyes sadly, unshed tears visible in his own.

"Because I couldn't do it again. I couldn't survive without her. If she – if she went away again, I'd go for a walk in the sun. I won't do it again." The honesty and pain in his voice made Ari falter. She had felt his emotions, his love for the Slayer. She had felt the pain he went through the months after the doomed battle with the hell god. And she knew he was telling her the truth. She knew hurting Buffy would hurt him more than anything Buffy had done to him. That was the last thing Arabella wanted. Spike was a part of the small circle she viewed as family. Her anger towards the Slayer didn't dissipate, but she knew she couldn't act on it.

Arabella nodded her head and spoke quietly, her eyes now back to their regular green, "I can't let that happen Will. No matter how angry I am. I think I'm going to go back to my hotel now. I need to phone Henry and have a nice, long chat." Spike nodded and put his hands in the pockets of his duster as he watched her walk away. She paused as she left and looked back at him. "Why didn't you tell her the truth yesterday morning?"

"Shouldn't have to tell her lamb."

"If she hurts you while I'm here, you won't be able to stop me."

"I know." And he did know. He just prayed Buffy would somehow know too.


	9. Even the Nile Ends

Truth Keeper 

Author's Note: OK, first of all BIG shout out to all of the people who emailed me about chapter 8 – I posted it right before FF.net went down and figured I would be left reviewless to write the next chapter. So, thank you for your unexpected and wonderful emails. Next, I want to quickly explain that this chapter is a two-parter, but a strange two-parter in the sense that it follows first Buffy, then Spike throughout Anya and Xander's wedding. I'm telling you this now because some of you crazy kids might want to read each section with its respective partner together (you never know, so I thought I might as well tell you). I'm stilling plugging away at the second part (bloody real world always getting in the way of writing), so you might want to wait till I post that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, I'll try to avoid an author's note in the next part b/c this one's a teensy bit long. One last thing: Please keep reviewing, feedback is always appreciated and I do listen to everything you say (I even like criticism, unless it's just flat out mean and has no constructive qualities). One more last thing: I've been using Psyche's Buffy Transcripts religiously lately, so I just thought I'd acknowledge her (or his… don't really know) site, studiesinwords.de. It's a fantastic resource for BtVS and AtS transcripts, she adds great details to her transcripts and anyone who has the patience to do that deserves serious recognition.

Chapter 9 (part one) – The Wedding (Even The Nile Ends) 

Buffy roamed around the shop nervously. She knew if she wasn't careful she'd end up breaking the most expensive object in the store, and she knew for a fact there was no way she could afford it. Buffy looked again at the list of gifts that no one had purchased yet. She then looked at the beautifully detailed candlesticks in front of her. Picking a stick from one of the sets up carefully, she put it down again quickly, grimacing at the price. 

_Leave it to Anya to choose the most expensive store in Sunnydale to register at,_ Buffy thought miserably as she moved onto the next set of candlesticks that Anya had written down as an option. Anya had ensured that not a single detail was ignored; her detailed list of gifts not only included type but the specific brands, models, and designs for every gift she wanted. Unfortunately for Buffy, everything on the list that Buffy deemed acceptable to give as a gift to one of her best friends on his wedding day was completely out of her price range.

Buffy didn't even bother to study the next set of candlesticks before she glanced at the price tag. The price wasn't as high as the previous set, but still way too high for her. As Buffy moved onto the final set Anya had included on her list, she sighed and closed her eyes before she looked at the price. Buffy stared at the price for a moment before realizing that they hadn't just put an extra zero in the cents column. She hastily put the stick down, and looked down at her list to see what else was on the registry.

She had spent the past month at Double Meat saving up as much money as she possibly could for this gift. After Dawn, food, the mortgage and all the other bills Buffy hadn't realized existed until a few months before, it didn't leave her with much extra money. When she checked the balance in her account the day before, reality about her job finally sunk in: there was no way that she could even support herself on the money she was making. Since checking her balance, Buffy had actually sat down and looked at her options. She had been avoiding doing it for months, determined that she could handle things without changing anything about her and Dawn's lives, but she was quickly realizing doing that just wasn't an option. Buffy had a lot of serious decisions to make, and she wasn't looking forward to choosing any of the options she had. But at this moment, she had to get over one hurdle: buying Xander and Anya the perfect gift with the small amount of money she had actually managed to save and the money Willow had been able to lend her. And she had to do it by the time the mall closed that evening – it was Tuesday night and the only night Buffy didn't have to work. She either had to get a gift tonight or go to the wedding empty handed.

_Maybe I'll just ignore the registry…_ Buffy started to contemplate the idea when a sudden image of Anya in full vengeance mode flashed through her head. Buffy gulped and looked down at the registry. _Maybe I'll just go check out the picnic basket sets._

As Buffy headed towards picnic basket display, a flash of black and platinum caught her eye. She turned in the direction, groaning inwardly. She knew whom she was about to see and she really didn't want to. Buffy had been proud of herself. In the last three days she had done an excellent job of avoiding everything that involved Spike. Well, if you didn't count her routine patrols of his graveyard – Buffy had caught herself on route to his crypt about three times a night. She reasoned that it meant nothing though because she was sure that he had moved into another crypt, plus she had to patrol. And so what if she tended to listen intently whenever Anya or anyone else mentioned Arabella, she was just being a good Slayer. Plus, it wasn't her fault that everything she did somehow reminded her of him. Buffy sighed, admitting to herself that there might be some part of her that actually missed the vampire. Of course, it was a minute, unhealthy part in need of some serious therapy.

Spike was holding a small object, studying it intently. Buffy headed towards him, immediately thinking that he planned to pocket whatever the small item was.

When Buffy was beside Spike, he finally looked up at her with a lazy expression.

"Hello, luv. Here to accuse me a stalking you again?" 

Buffy had to hide the smile at the fact that he was using his usual sarcastic tone. _Yup,_ _I'm definitely going to have to factor therapy bills into my new budget._ Not wanting things to become weird again, Buffy replied just how she always did, with bitchiness. "Shut it, Spike." Spike smirked, raising his eyebrows in amusement, but didn't say a word. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hopefully I'll be staking a bottle-blonde while squeezing in a bit of pre-nuptial gift shopping."

"Well, there's your answer for me as well. Now if you'll excuse me, I wouldn't mind getting back to it." Spike went to walk past her, but was stopped by a firm grip on his shoulder.

"You really think I'm going to believe that?" Buffy drew her hand quickly away from Spike's shoulder and placed it along with her other on her hips. It drove her mad that she couldn't have any physical contact with the vampire in front of her without feeling a surge of electricity travel through her body. It was so hard to ignore the feelings he made her feel, however much she wanted to.

"All right, you caught me. I thought I'd make my new home a bit more sensitive, and I was just picking this up to put beside my bed," Spike waved the object in his hand in front of Buffy's face. Buffy snatched it from his hand and studied the small object intently. It was a small, porcelain flower. It fit perfectly into Buffy's palm, and was actually rather pretty. Buffy turned the object over, examining it. She saw the price tag and smiled.

"Where'd you get this? Are there more?"

Spike looked at her confused. He then gestured over to the table they were standing nearby. Buffy was instantly leaning over top of it, studying the small sets of porcelain flowers. She then looked down at her list of eligible gifts, and swore quietly.

"What's wrong pet?"

"Oh, Anya doesn't want just one, she wants an entire set. A set is completely out of my price range, just like everything else in this stupid shop." Buffy had become so distracted by the possible solution to her gift problem that she had forgotten to be annoyed with Spike.

"It is a rather posh place, isn't it?" Spike was casually leaning beside her and gestured towards the list. Buffy handed it to him, too distracted by trying to find a cheap set to notice her own action. As he read the list, he snorted in disgust.

"Why don't you give them one every year."

"Huh?" It was now Buffy's turn to look at him in confusion.

"Well, my mum – I mean, why don't you give them one now and then give them one every year as an anniversary gift. You can probably find these things at loads of stores. Plus, the demon and whelp will love something saccharine like that."

Buffy stared at Spike intently. She hated to admit it, but it was actually a good idea, and it wasn't as if she had any other options. Buffy bit her lip in thought. She hated it when he was helpful in a way she couldn't just ignore or deny. She was afraid that if she thanked him now it would all start again. Him giving her advice, her going to him for advice, and then, well, everything that followed. _And what's wrong with that?_ The small part of her brain that always seemed to betray her spoke up, but for once the rest of her brain paused and thought about the question. Images of her and Spike sitting on her back steps flashed through her mind, how he was the only one who she felt comfortable talking about things since she had come back. Then she saw flashes of the same scene, only these were before the final battle with Glory. _I can't think about that. Just thank him for the idea and leave._

Buffy continued to fiddle with the porcelain flower in her hand for a moment, trying to repress the feelings she knew were wrong. She took a deep breath and looked up at Spike, only to be met by striking blue eyes. "I think I might do that. Um," Buffy wanted to say thank you but knew that he would reply with a cocky grin and an annoying remark. "It's a good idea Spike."

"No problem, pet. It would be worse to have to deal with Anya bitching for the next year that she didn't like every one of her gifts." Spike fiddled with the flower awkwardly in front of him, a tense silence was quickly growing between the two. He looked up and his mouth opened like he was about to say something when he was caught off.

"Will! There you are. I wanted to know what you think about these dish sets. You probably know Anyanka's human tastes better than I do." Arabella came up to the pair from behind Buffy. When she saw whom Spike was with, her face became completely expressionless. "Buffy." She gave the Slayer a quick nod and grabbed Spike's hand. "Hurry up, the store will be closing soon." She dragged him away without glancing at Buffy again.

Buffy followed the pair for a moment before sadly turning around and examining the figurines again. She didn't understand why she was so bothered by Arabella dragging Spike off. She knew it should be a relief, but for some reason it was anything but. She missed Spike looking over his shoulder to match her expression with his own.

*****

The next few days passed both quickly and slowly for Buffy. The wedding preparations were in full swing, and the stress wasn't just limited to the bride and groom, although most of the stress the other Scoobies were feeling could be traced back to Xander, Anya, or both. Xander had panicked twice since his bachelor party on Wednesday night. The first time he had tried to convince Buffy to let him hide in her basement until Sunday, the second attempt was more desperate and involved him offering to pay Willow to make him invisible. After a long chat with Buffy and Willow, he seemed to be doing alright though, and at moments he actually seemed more excited about the wedding than Anya. 

For Anya, her stress had nothing to do with actually marrying Xander and all to do with the process that doing so entailed. Somehow, Anya had convinced herself that all her perfectly plotted out plans for the reception would be completely ruined if she didn't check over everything every other moment. The caterer had threatened to quit if she called one more time, and the florist refused to take her calls. Fortunately, the florist would talk to anyone else, so Buffy had taken on the role of flower-ambassador.

Of course, Dawn's refusal to do anything helpful or even speak unless forced did not help matters. She had been diligently following the rules Buffy had set out for her with a scowl, but Buffy wondered if it was more of a punishment for her than for Dawn. Enforcing the punishment took a lot of time and energy, and all she got in return were glares, scowls, and an angry, bitter, teenage sister in return. Buffy had even come one number away from dialling the number to her father's firm in Los Angeles to ask him if he would take Dawn for a while. 

With everything that was going on, Buffy wondered how it was possible for her to have time to think. Somehow she did, and somehow all her thoughts were straying to Spike. She hadn't seen him since Tuesday night and it was starting to drive her mad. She didn't understand why she couldn't get him off her mind. It's not like she missed him or anything. All Buffy could see was Arabella's hand holding onto his while she dragged him away. She recognized the gnawing feeling she felt at the thought, but didn't like it's implication. There was no way she was jealous of her. Spike did not inspire feelings of jealousy in her. He didn't inspire anything but anger, disgust and revulsion. _Keep telling yourself that honey._ The evil voice in her brain was also becoming a problem too. It had become more and more vocal, and sometimes Buffy would catch the rest of her brain agreeing with its statements. Buffy just hoped that with time the thoughts and feelings would go away. She knew they had to be a side effect of everything that had gone on between them the past few months.

*****

Buffy walked down the aisle slowly and instep with the other bride's maids. There were all wearing bright green dresses. Buffy was convinced it was a vengeance demon's fault that Anya had chosen such horrendous dresses. She took her place beside Dawn and Tara, and looked across at Xander. He was a few shades too pale, and it looked as if Willow was prepared to tackle him if he tried to make another run for it. The wedding march began, and a large smile spread across Xander's face. All the fear was instantly erase and Buffy knew he must have seen Anya.

Anya had the largest smile on her face as she walked down the aisle. When she finally met Xander in front of the minister, both were so lost in each other, he had to practically shake one of them to get the couple's attention. As he began to speak, Buffy started to scan the assembled guests. She knew that she should be paying attention, but she was standing in at an angle that made it possible to look at everyone without having to turn her head, and it was impossible to not check to see if _he_ was there. 

And he was. Sitting in the fourth row, Buffy found the characteristic shock of blond hair. She looked at him more intently, and had to blink at what she saw. Spike was wearing a tie. Buffy's mouth fell open at the sight of it. Spike looked up and caught her stair, instantly fidgeting with the black piece of cloth that matched the dress shirt he was wearing. Buffy stared at him a moment more before she saw who was sitting beside him, intently watching the ceremony that was going on. _Of course._ Buffy blinked her eyes again and tried to focus back on her two friends.

"I, Anya, promise to love you, to cherish you, and to honour you. I entrust you with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too."

Buffy couldn't help but think about Angel as Anya began her vows. He had been the only person she had ever been able to entrust her own heart to, and he had broken it into so many pieces when he became Angelus that she thought it would never heal. Of course, they had tried to put it back together again in her senior year, but the task turned out to be impossible. They could never fix the damage, and Angel had left. At the time, Buffy felt as if the pain of him leaving would never go away, but now she knew it really was for the best. Everything about their relationship had been so painful, so angst-ridden that the times when they smiled and laughed were rare and treasured. At the time, she had thought that passion and love were meant to be that way, but the older Buffy knew better. Your lover was meant to be someone you could turn to at the worst times and they would somehow find a way to get you to smile. Love wasn't meant to make a situation worse, it was meant to make it better.

"I'll protect it and tend to it. I pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your lover."

Buffy's thoughts instantly went to Riley when she heard the word protect. He had wanted so much to protect her from her life, and a part of her had wanted him to. But it was an impossible task and the strain it caused their relationship ruined their relationship. Buffy so had wanted him to be _the one_. He was the normalcy that was what she had desired since she was called. The All-American Dream. Buffy had to suppress a chuckle as she thought about Sam and her ex. They were made for a Wheetabix box front. When she had first found out that he had moved on, it had hurt, a lot. But now that she looked back on it, it was more like getting the wind knocked out of her. It was bad for a moment, and then she was fine. When Buffy really thought about it, before she was called she had never wanted normal. Buffy hadn't wanted a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. Of course, she hadn't wanted demons, vampires, and a hellmouth, but she had never wanted normal. That dream had only appeared once her life wasn't normal. That was her dream. To not go slay vampires every night or to deal with apocalypses on a seasonal basis. But it was only a dream. If Buffy was really honest with herself, she couldn't imagine a life other than her own that would suit her. She didn't want protection from it.

"I want to you marry you, Xander, because I love you and I'll always love you. And before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person really… And I had seen what love could do to people, and it was hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you, and… you knew me. You saw me. So I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do. And for me, love's you." 

Anya's words hit Buffy like a freight train and she found herself staring into the deep blue eyes in the fourth row. Suddenly, Buffy was completely in touch with her feelings and all parts of her brain were working together and screaming one thing. _Spike_. Of course, that thought was followed by, _Where the hell did that come from?_, but Buffy instantly knew the answer. He had had such a significant role in the past four years of her life, and she had changed so much from the girl that had first met him outside the Bronze. Even then there had been something different between them. Always so much emotion in their encounters. His appearance was so sudden, so unexpected. Buffy had been taken aback by the way he acted, how he lived. And he did live. He lived his unlife to the fullest, and tried to enjoy every moment of it. Buffy hated to admit, but she had always been slightly jealous of how he could throw himself into the things he enjoyed, not worrying about the consequences or what others thought. But there was more. 

_You knew me. You saw me._

That pretty much summed it up. It was what drove Buffy mad while drawing her in at the same time. He had always seen right through her defences and into her heart and mind. He saw her for everything that she was, and knew how to speak to every part to her. Buffy knew, instinctively, that if she let herself, she would be able to do the same with him.

"So, I, Anya, give you my heart."

For the rest of the ceremony, Buffy just stared into Spike's blue eyes, unable to take her gaze away from her vampire.

*****

Buffy took a long gulp from her wine glass. The reception had been going on for two hours, and she was miserable. She was standing alone, while everyone else seemed to be having an amazing time. Anya and Xander were oblivious to everyone but themselves. At the moment they were wrapped in each other's arms on the dance floor, slowly circling even though it was a faster song. Tara and Willow were sequestered in one corner of the room, having what looked like an intense conversation, but it had to be a good intense, because both were stroking each other's hair with one of their hands, the other hands entwined tightly. Buffy couldn't help but smile at this, happy to see her friends together again.

Buffy scanned the dance floor and frowned at what she saw. Dawn had a huge grin on her face as she danced with a teenage boy she had met at the ceremony. Buffy would be all right with it if it wasn't for the fact that the boy in question had horns protruding from his forehead. It didn't help that Buffy was pretty much one hundred percent sure that the daiquiri Dawn was holding was not of the virgin variety. Buffy sighed, and continued to scan the room. She didn't want to ruin the reception, so she was going to leave it be this once. 

Buffy's eyes fell upon Arabella. She was sitting with a group of female demons, laughing hysterically. Halfrek, the vengeance demon who had made her birthday party into a marathon sat beside her, but she was the only one not laughing. She was staring across the room, watching whatever was there intently. Buffy followed her gaze and cringed. Spike was sitting alone at a table with the large demon Willow had called D'Hoffryn. They had solemn expressions, and seemed to be having a very serious discussion. 

Buffy's curiosity was peaked, but was overridden by the wave of sadness she felt when she looked at Spike. He hadn't even looked at her all evening. Buffy was convinced that she had ruined everything between them, and just when she was pretty sure she had finally realized exactly what she wanted. It had come as a shock to her, but the decision had made her feel balanced inside for the first time since she had come back. If she really thought about it, it was the first time since even before she came back. But now all she felt was confusion and sadness. He didn't want her anymore. All the anger she had directed towards him, all the words and actions had finally built up for even too much for him to handle and he finally moved on.

As if on cue, Arabella appeared and dragged Spike onto the dance floor after saying a few words to D'Hoffryn. They were smiling and laughing as they danced around. Buffy couldn't stand it. She wanted to be the one Spike was dancing and laughing with. She wanted to be the one in his arms. She had finally realized and accepted it, and it was too late. Buffy drained the last of her wine, and stormed out to the balcony. She was relieved to see it was empty, and went to lean over the railing.

_When did everything get so complicated?_

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at her question. When had anything ever _not_ been so complicated? Buffy leaned against the railing and looked up at the stars. When she was little, she dreamed of getting lost in the stars and visiting every one. She'd spend hours staring up at them. Buffy couldn't remember the last time she had looked up. The night had become her job. Darkness equalled slay. It had lost all beauty as soon as she had seen her first vampire. But for the moment, she was happy to forget everything that she knew and just enjoy the stars.

She heard a sigh behind her and spun around just in time to see Dawn trying to sneak back into the reception.

"Dawnie, wait!"

Dawn paused just before the double doors, and said, "Why should I?" before storming back into the reception.

_She's not going to make this easy._ Buffy sighed and turned her back from the doors, and looked back up at the stars. She knew she should probably go after Dawn, but she didn't have the energy. If Dawn didn't want to try to repair their relationship, nothing Buffy said or did would have any affect. She heard someone come onto to the balcony, and spun around, hoping Dawn had come back to talk. The look of hope disappeared into a frown when she saw who it was.

"I really don't like you."


	10. Flowers, Memories, and Dancing

Truth Keeper 

A/N: All give praise to my computer guy. He really does work miracles! Ok, promised wouldn't say anything but quickly: some complaining that I'm not all too friendly to Buffy, and I must be honest, she's not my favourite Scooby. I love Spike's character, and I LOVE the ship, but Buffy pisses me off, so sorry if I'm not all too kind. (I will be though, just needed to vent) Also, big reminder: Arabella saw everything from Spike's point of view and with his feelings. How would you react? 

P.S. Thanks for all the reviews!!!

P.P.S. I wrote a really short story that I posted called His Choice, and I'm completely convinced no one read it. Anyways, I'm really proud of it, and it will take five minutes to read so please go check it out. (I promise you'll like it). Sorry, can't help but shamelessly promote myself once in a while.

**Chapter 9 (part two) – The Wedding (Flowers, Memories, and Dancing)**

Spike walked away from Arabella, who was busy discussing the pros and cons of the different China patterns with a sales lady. When they had first come in, the woman had instantly been at their side, recognizing Arabella's labels for what they met: money. Arabella had somehow convinced him to help her gift shop for Xander and Anya. She was convinced that he would know what was best for the pair. Spike couldn't help but snicker at the thought. He had spent the last hour biting his tongue against suggesting things he knew they would hate. The only thing that stopped him from doing just that was the excited look in Arabella's eyes. She was genuinely happy for Anya and wanted to see her have her perfect day. Spike hadn't seen that expression in the eyes of any woman that he cared about in a long time, and he didn't want to be the cause of Arabella losing that look. And so her he was, wandering through a shop he would normally never be caught dead in, wondering around, _browsing_.

As Spike walked past one of the displays, he paused. There was something about the little objects on it that caught his eye. Picking up one of the small porcelain flowers, he studied it carefully. At first he couldn't recall the significance of the tiny object, but as he looked at the purple flower he held in his hand more closely, a single word popped into his head and he felt as if his entire body was flooded with emotion. _Mum._

Suddenly a million memories hit Spike. He saw his mother smiling as she picked him up as a little boy. Telling him stories late at night. Scolding him for stealing a biscuit from the kitchen. He could remember every word she said when she sat him down the day he finished his studies at Cambridge and told him the list of ladies he should consider courting. The serious expression she wore when she discussed social matters had always made him smile, and he couldn't help but wear a small smile as he thought about the endless number of discussions he had had with his mother on his return to London from university. 

Spike closed his eyes and could see his mother hunched over one of the many small porcelain figurines she loved to paint, her spectacles resting delicately on her nose, the same expression she wore when discussing society on her face as she painted intricate patterns. One of her favourite objects to paint had been flowers. He opened his eyes and looked down at the purple petals. The flower in his palm was just like the last one he had seen her painting, the night of the party. The night he met Dru. Spike slammed the flower onto the table in front of him and ran his hands through his hair. 

He remembered the last time he saw his mother like it was yesterday, even though it had been 122 years. Two weeks after he rose, Angelus had said he had wanted to do something special to welcome him into the family. They had been sticking to the east end of London, avoiding the upper classes even though it was the Season and Darla loved to attend the lavish parties held every evening. As Angelus guided his 'family' through the more lavish town homes familiar to Spike as a mortal, Darla on his arm, he wore a grin that Spike found a little too evil, even his demon shrinking away from the expression. Drusilla walked happily beside Spike, humming a song while playing with Miss Edith. Spike was in his own world, taking in the new noises and smells that he sensed in the familiar surroundings. He was in love with the power his demon gave him, and the difference it made in the world. He only realised how familiar the street they were on was when they stopped outside the home he had been raised in.

_"How did you find my home?"_

_"Now Will, my boy, it was quite easy to find your home knowing your full name. How many William Arthur Corbett's are there that have deaths that make the society pages? The column said your fiancée Cecily was so distraught she had declined party invitations for three days. Rather impressive, especially since Dru said she had rejected you flat out."_

_"Daddy's got a special gift for my William doesn't he?"_

_"I prefer to think of it as an initiation."_

Spike felt sick at the memory. He had thought about that night a few times in the past century, and it had never made him feel like this. The feeling in the bottom of his stomach was foreign, thinking about his actions that night made him feel so wrong. Spike picked up another flower and tried to focus on his happier memories of his mother. He could see her laughing in the sunlight at their country manor, the sun reflecting off her hair. Thoughts of the sun instantly led to thoughts of Buffy. To him, Buffy was sunlight, his sunlight. He fiddled with the flower in his hand and studied it carefully, thinking about how much Buffy would like it.

Just as his thoughts of Buffy began to become more painful, Spike felt the tingling up his spine that only meant one thing: she was near. Focusing, he could hear her heartbeat and shallow breathing getting closer every second. When he was sure she was behind him, he looked up from the flower in his hand and calmly faced her, determined to keep a cool façade.

"Hello, luv. Here to accuse me a stalking you again?" 

"Shut it, Spike." Spike smirked, trying to hide the relief he felt at Buffy's tone. He could deal with this Buffy right now. Instead of speaking, Spike raised his eyebrows, waiting for her usual accusation or insult. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Spike couldn't help but repeat the question. Falling into their old banter had a calming effect on Spike; it was something they did so rarely since they had started sleeping together.

"Hopefully I'll be staking a bottle-blonde while squeezing in a bit of pre-nuptial gift shopping."

"Well, there's your answer for me as well. Now if you'll excuse me, I wouldn't mind getting back to it." Spike went to walk past her, but was stopped by a firm grip on his shoulder.

"You really think I'm going to believe that?" As soon as Spike felt Buffy's hand on his shoulder, it was as if every part of his body was on fire. Buffy withdrew her hand quickly, but the feel of her touch lingered. Spike had to battle with his body to not reach out and grab her. His whole body screamed for more contact. Spike tried to ignore his instincts and continue with the conversation. He was annoyed with her assumption that he was in the shop to pocket something, although the idea of doing just that was now playing across his mind.

"All right, you caught me. I thought I'd make my new home a bit more sensitive, and I was just picking this up to put beside my bed," Spike waved the object in his hand in front of Buffy's face. Buffy snatched it from his hand and studied the small object intently. Part of him wanted to hide the piece of his past from her, but most of him wanted to see what her reaction would be. The smile that covered her face as she examined the small object made Spike draw in a silent breath, even though he didn't need to breath. _She really is the sunlight,_ was one of the many thoughts that crossed his mind as he watched her.

"Where'd you get this? Are there more?"

Spike looked at her confused. He soon realized that her smile wasn't as much out of appreciation of the object as it was for its gift possibilities. He quickly gestured to the table beside them and watched as Buffy examined the small flowers. When he saw her look at the list and then swear under her breath, the look of confusion he previously wore covered his face again.

"What's wrong pet?"

"Oh, Anya doesn't want just one, she wants an entire set. A set is completely out of my price range, just like everything else in this stupid shop."

"It is a rather posh place, isn't it?" Spike was casually leaning beside her and gestured towards the list. He was surprised when Buffy handed it to him without protest. As he read the list, he couldn't help but let out a snort. Sometimes he really wondered if Anya had been made human or if she had just lost her powers. He couldn't comprehend how anyone could be as selfish and ignorant to the world people lived in. 

For the second time that evening, Spike was shocked at his own thoughts. _When did I start giving a toss about others? I'm turning into the bloody poof._ He then looked up at Buffy and didn't care if he was. The stressed and tired look on her face made all his thoughts turn to how he could help her. He thought for a moment, before finally giving a suggestion his mother would have given. "Why don't you give them one every year."

"Huh?" Buffy looked at him in confusion and Spike had to hold back a rolling of his eyes. He loved Buffy more than anything, but sometimes he really wished she were a bit quicker on the uptake.

"Well, my mum – I mean, why don't you give them one now and then give them one every year as an anniversary gift. You can probably find these things at loads of stores. Plus, the demon and whelp will love something as saccharine as that."

Spike waited as she examined the gift, then examined him. It looked she was having an internal battle with herself over the suggestion. He knew that it was because the idea was coming from him and it hurt to think that things were so bad between them that she couldn't even take his advice on something as superficial as a wedding gift. It hurt more to know that he completely deserved this reaction. He knew that he had a tendency to use anything and everything to hold onto what little he had of Buffy, but he couldn't help it. The idea of losing the few pieces he had of her always sent him into a blind panic. Actually having lost her had not made matters any better.

"I think I might do that. Um, it's a good idea Spike." Spike was taken aback by the intensity of her gaze on him. Her eyes were a mixture of relief, gratefulness, fear, and that distinctive Slayer-quality that no one else's eyes seemed to ever possess.

"No problem, pet. It would be worse to have to deal with Anya bitching for the next year that she didn't like every one of her gifts." Spike fiddled with the purple flower that he had initially picked up. He looked up at Buffy and was about to suggest she give it to Xander and Anya as the first one when he heard a familiar voice.

"Will! There you are. I wanted to know what you think about these dish sets. You probably know Anyanka's human tastes better than I do." Arabella came up to the pair from behind Buffy. When she saw whom Spike was with, her face became completely expressionless. "Buffy." She gave the Slayer a quick nod and grabbed Spike's hand. "Hurry up, the store will be closing soon." She dragged him away without glancing at Buffy again.

As Arabella dragged Spike towards the other side of the store he couldn't help but look over his shoulder for one last look at his Slayer. She was sorting through the many flowers, back turned to him. Arabella's asking him about what China pattern he thought Anya would prefer brought him out of his trance and back to reality. He realized he still had the purple flower in his hand, and he slipped it into one of the deep pockets of his duster. Spike grunted out a reply, and pointed at one of the dish sets. He chose one that he knew Anya would love, but the whelp would hate. He couldn't help himself. After making the purchase, the pair strolled out of the mall and started walking towards Spike's old crypt. 

When they arrived, Arabella looked around in disgust. "So you're just going to stay here? I remember seeing images of it before, it really did look like a flat before. How on earth could you go back to sleeping on a concrete slab?"

"I'm a vampire lamb, don't need comfort." Spike sat down on said concrete slab and lit a cigarette.

"Rot." Spike couldn't help at smile at her tone. Sometimes he forgot how bossy she could be. It was different than Buffy's bossiness though – it was upper class English bossiness where an order was said as if they were a fact that had always been known by all involved. Things were never a request with Arabella, but an expectation you had no choice but to comply to.

"Rot, lamb?" Of course, Spike could always have fun trying not to comply.

Arabella just raised her eyebrows and continued. "Vampires like comfort. And I know from previous experience that you are not the exception." Spike opened his mouth to retort but before he could, she continued. "And before you try to object, let me remind you – I was in your head. I saw your crypt before it was destroyed and it resembled a flat more than a crypt. Don't bother trying to argue William."

"So what, you want me to move into a flat?"

"It's a start. Or maybe you could purchase a nice little house."

"You're forgetting that need money for that."

Arabella furrowed her eyebrows and turned to face Spike, a look of confusion covering her face. "What are you going on about? You have money, quite a bit of it actually. Remember all those lovely bank accounts I've helped you set up over the past century or so? It's impossible that you've spent all that money."

Spike just laughed bitterly and lit another cigarette. He stood up and walked over to his fridge, taking out a jar of pig's blood. He took a sip from the jar and began speaking in the proper accent he had abandoned over a century ago, "Your forgetting, Lady Montgomery, that until recently I was involved with a certain vampiress who was not quite right in the head. And, upon termination of said relationship, my fondness for said vampiress was still very much intact. As a show of this fondness, I signed all accounts over to the vampiress to ensure her well-being, and ensuring myself to at least one decade of living in squander." Saying that, he walked over to the television and picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting beside it. He poured a healthy amount into the blood and walked over to Arabella, who now sat on the coffin he had recently been using as his bed, and gave her the remainder of the bottle.

"You really have gotten thick, haven't you?" Spike replied with a salute of his jar, before downing the contents in one long chug. 

*****

Over the next few days, Spike avoided the Scoobies at all costs. He knew that Anya would ensure that everything anyone did would involve the upcoming wedding, and he wanted nothing to do with it. The concept of someone actually willingly tying herself to the whelp permanently sent shivers down his spine, even if it was someone like Anya. Her lack of tact astounded him, and the only thing that convinced him to go to the wedding was to see what statements would pop out of her mouth during the ceremony.

Arabella had been spending more and more time with him and they had quickly fallen back into the pattern they had when she had been recording Angelus and the subsequent friendship that had led to. Somehow, she had even convinced him to move into a proper home, although money was still an issue. When he raised the subject to Ari again, she had smiled softly and said to be patient. The response had just confused and irritated him, and he decided there was no point in trying to get her to explain herself.

The only difficulty the two friends found was when the subject of a certain Slayer was raised. Arabella was constantly on his case about how he shouldn't waste his time, but Spike couldn't help but miss her. Even when he had been exiled from her home and had been threatened with staking if he bothered her, he had seen her more than at the present time. Since their meeting at the gift shop, Spike had made a conscious effort to avoid her. Although every part of his being told him to seek her out, he didn't allow himself to. He sensed her at least three times outside his crypt every evening, but he never went after her. He knew that if anything were to ever happen between them again, she would have to initiate it. She would have to come to him. He wouldn't go crawling to her. Of all things Arabella had said about the relationship, the only thing he agreed with was that if anything was to ever to work out between them, he would need to feel proud of himself, and not allow himself to bend to the Slayer's every demand. Of course, Arabella had said the relationship would never work because he was Buffy's whipping boy and that he needed to regain his personal pride, but Spike felt that his artistic interpretation was permitted. So his new rule was no crawling. Unfortunately, every night following his rule was becoming more and more difficult. He was beginning to think he'd have more success at quitting smoking.

*****

Spike looked up with a start when the music began. He had been half asleep waiting for the wedding to begin. He looked up to the front and smirked, seeing a very pale Xander looking apprehensively down the aisle. Suddenly he felt all his senses tingle, and turned around in anticipation of seeing his Slayer walking down the aisle. He had to suppress a full out laugh when he saw what she and the other female Scoobies were wearing. He had thought the green dress Red had on had just been a reappearance of the bad taste she had when he first met her, but seeing Buffy in the same green atrocity made his realize it was probably Anya's way of ensuring that no one looked better than her at her wedding.

As Buffy got closer, he sucked in unneeded air. Even wearing something as ugly as what she was in, he still found her more beautiful than anyone or anything he had seen before. Her large smile as Anya began down the aisle made him feel like his heart would explode. He hadn't seen her look happy in so long, and it was nice to finally see that light in her eyes again.

As the minister began to speak, Spike couldn't help but zone out and his thoughts drift to his present discomfort. Arabella had threatened castration via holy water if he didn't wear the suit she had bought him. All she had said in response to his whining once she had gotten him in the outfit was that he should be relieved that she had chosen a black shirt and tie to go along with the dark grey suit. As he began to fidget, he felt eyes on him and looked up to see Buffy staring at him with a look of shock. He instantly felt uncomfortable in the unfamiliar material and his hand went up to play with the piece of cloth around his neck. Just as he was about to loosen the knot, there was a hard jab in his side. He looked over to the redhead beside him to see her raising his eyebrows and tilting her head slightly to the front. Rolling his eyes, he looked forward to see Anya beginning her vows.

"I, Anya, promise to love you, to cherish you, and to honour you. I entrust you with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because, it's all I have. And, if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too. I'll protect it and tend to it. I pledge to be your friend, and your wife, and your confidant, and your lover."

Spike's eyes drifted over to look at Buffy. She seemed to be deep in thought about something as she listened to Anya's words. He was sure she was thinking about his grandsire. The only thing that bothered him more than her insistence that she felt nothing for him was her obsession with Angel. It frustrated him so much that she had put Angel on such a high pedestal. He wanted nothing more than to tell her what Dru had told him when she had visited and the news that had been coming out of LA about the miracle child and who its mother was. He knew it would destroy Buffy though, so he bit his tongue whenever he got the urge to tell just how important he felt a soul was. 

 "I want to you marry you, Xander, because I love you and I'll always love you. And before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person really… And I had seen what love could do to people, and it was hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you, and… you knew me. You saw me. So I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do. And for me, love's you." 

As Anya said the words, Spike was suddenly struck by the beautiful green of Buffy's eyes staring into his own. She had a look on her face that he had never seen, and for the first time he had absolutely no idea what she was thinking. As he listened to what Anya was saying, he felt as if he was hearing his dream. To hear Buffy say those words to him is all he had wanted for well over a year. 

"So, I, Anya, give you my heart."

As they continued to stare into one another's eyes, the thought that maybe she was finally getting it crossed his mind, but he told himself not to dare get his hopes up. There were things he had to do at this reception, and until they were done there was no point in even trying to speak to her.

*****

Spike sat listening solemnly to the words D'Hoffryn spoke. He had decided to call in a few favours that the powerful demon owed him, but he was getting nowhere.

"Spike, I'm sorry, but I cannot do what you ask. It's not in my power to do something like that."

"Oh, come on Hof. We both know it's more than in your power. And you bloody well owe me, a lot. I'm the sole reason you have one of your favourite demons."

"I'm very aware of that fact, but I can't do this." Spike opened his mouth to retort, but D'Hoffryn motioned with his hand for him to be silent. He knew that it was not a smart move to disrespect D'Hoffryn, no matter what you had done for him or what he owed you. So Spike fought his natural instinct to make a sarcastic reply, and waited patiently for the demon to continue. After a few moments of thought, D'Hoffryn looked up and continued. "Now, I should probably not say this, but I feel you should know something. It's not that I'm not capable of doing what you ask, but I cannot do what you ask."

"Making no sense here mate."

"Listen to me carefully William. Things are in play, big things. You're involved, everything is involved. What you ask would alter events gravely, and I will not be at fault for doing that."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" D'Hoffryn's words had sent shivers down his spine. The serious expression on his face and the tone of his voice were not unfamiliar to Spike, but there was something in his eyes that told him this was big. Maybe even bigger than Glory. He needed to find out what D'Hoffryn knew.

"All I can tell you is that this goes straight to the top, the only reason I have any clue to what's happening is the fact that I would be here and the Powers had an inkling that you might approach me."

"Hof, tell me what you know. You at least owe me that."

Just as D'Hoffryn was about to reply, Arabella appeared. D'Hoffryn smiled at the higher being and nodded his head.

"Hello Hoffie. How are you?"

"Quite well. Is Henry here?"

"No, he's actually going to be in LA next week. The shit's hit the fan on one of his projects. I'll pass on a message to contact you, if you'd like. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

"That would be wonderful." He gave her another nod, and she smiled largely in return. Moving over to Spike, she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of his chair.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to borrow Mr. Bloody here for a dance or two." Before D'Hoffryn could respond, Arabella was dragging the vampire onto the dance floor, shouting a thanks over her shoulder. 

The song being played by the dance was an old jazz song, and the couple instantly fell into the older style of dancing they both knew well. They weren't swing dancing, but there was a healthy amount of spins and twirls thrown into the dance as they laughed and smiled. Out of the corner of his eye, Spike could see Buffy on the side of the dance floor watching them. He wanted nothing more than to go over to her, but he wasn't near done the things he had planned on doing that evening. Just as he saw her storm out of the hall, the music changed to a slow waltz. Arabella was instantly in his arms, an evil smile on her face.

"I do believe your brooding, Mr. Bloody."

Spike snarled in response, before he let a grin cover his face, "Just thinking hard lamb. So how are the girls?"

"Quite well, except Anya invited that horrible vengeance demon Halfrek. I don't know what it is about her, but there's something off there. Do you know her? She's been staring at you all night."

"Might have met her some time or another. Can't really say."

"Ah well, I suppose it really isn't all that important."

Spike barely responded. He had noticed Dawn storming into the hall from one of the large balconies lining the outside. She had gone over to a young demon, and was now laughing at something he said. Spike noticed the boy pass her a drink and let out a low growl, causing Arabella to stop dancing.

"William, what's wrong?"

"I think I need to go talk to the Bit." He had completely let go of Ari and was stalking towards the area where Dawn and the demon were situated.

"That's fine. I need to speak to someone myself." As Arabella said the words to her now missing dance partner, she scanned the room. A small smile came across her face, and she picked up two glasses of wine as she headed in the opposite direction Spike was walking in.

Spike reached Dawn, just as she was about to head onto the dance floor. He grabbed her arm, and ignored the small warning his chip gave him as he dragged her towards the centre of the floor. Before she could protest, he was leading her in a waltz, ensuring that she could not escape from his grasp.

"I need to talk to you, Nibblet, and I doubt your going to like what I have to say."

*****

Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter: two conversations that will lead to a lot of changes. Also, do you have any idea what Spike was asking D'Hoffryn for? (Hint: not a soul or money. Sorry, I'm not that obvious.) Anyways, please review, and I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can. 


	11. Over A Glass

Truth Keeper 

A/N – Ok, sorry for the big delay in updating. Hated my original draft, so started all over again and my job right now is evil. (I work in the production office of a theatre company and we're at the peak of our biggest festival right now, so I'm either busy or exhausted) I'd love to promise I'll post again in the next week, but right now that might not be a possibility. Anyways, hope you enjoy and please review.

Chapter 10 – Over A Glass 

"I really don't like you." As she said the words, Arabella stepped farther onto the balcony. She had two glasses of wine in her hands – one red, one white. She placed the glass of white on the railing beside Buffy. She took a sip of the red, and placed it beside the white. "Well aren't you going to at least thank me for getting you a glass?"

Buffy could only stare at the keeper. She was completely dumbfounded. The first statement had taken her aback; the second had just confused her. As she looked at the expectant face of the redhead, she felt the anger start to boil. Arabella was staring at her like she had not just said anything out of the ordinary. She stood in a relaxed position, doing nothing but look at Buffy. Thoughts of her and Spike dancing, the talk she had overheard, and their initial greeting at her house kept flashing through Buffy's mind. The silent relationship the two had developed was anything but calm, and Arabella's initial greeting had confirmed it.

"I really don't like you, have a glass of wine? It's probably laced with poison." Buffy crossed her arms and stepped away from the railing, getting ready for battle. In response, Arabella rolled her eyes.

"If I wanted to kill you, I'd make sure I enjoyed it. I'd ensure it was painful, violent, and slow. I wouldn't be boring and simply poison you." She took another sip of her wine, and turned to look out at the evening's view. Buffy's mouthed dropped open at the blunt statement. She could hear no sarcasm in the Keeper's voice as she said the statement, and the look in her eyes made Buffy believe what she said. Arabella just sipped her wine and looked annoyed at Buffy's sudden muteness. "It's your turn to speak, by the way. Shouldn't you have some witty comeback or angry retort?" Arabella raised her eyebrows, amusement tugging at her lips as Buffy continued to just open and close her mouth, still unable to process the other woman's statements. "Oh, honestly Buffy, stop looking so shocked. And close your mouth, you look like a fish."

Buffy automatically shut her mouth, and with the simple action, blind rage took over. Buffy was instantly in Arabella's face, hand raised to hit. Buffy was moving at full Slayer speed, but just before her fist made contact with Arabella's face, a blur Buffy could barely see stopped the fist from finishing on its path. Buffy winced as Arabella's hand wrapped itself more tightly around her own hand. She tried to push her fist forward, and then pull it back, but her hand didn't even move a millimetre. It was as if it had been encased in concrete.

 "People often forget that I'm not human."

 "I'm sure they never forget that you're a bitch." Buffy tried in vane to release her hand from the Keeper's grip, only to the grip she had on the fist tighten.

 "Stop struggling, I'll let go of your hand in a moment. I just want to make something clear first, and you're the kind of person who has to see something to believe it. I am not human. I have a pack mentality that is quite a bit more prominent than you'd initially think. I will do anything to protect my pack, and do not look kindly on those who hurt a member of my pack. I know you've read of Angelus's activities, but you have no real concept of torture. I've lived a lot longer than him, and seen a lot more than he will ever see. And I've got a photographic memory. I know how to make it hurt so much you _can't _pass out from the pain. It would do you well to remember that."

 "Aren't you meant to be working for the Powers That Be or something? I doubt threatening the Slayer would be on their list of things good little higher beings do."

 "Everything is relative." Arabella finally let go of Buffy's hand and turned out to look at the nighttime view again. Buffy took a moment to open and close her fist, hiding the relief that her hand was out of the death-grip it had been in. She wanted nothing more than to either throw the Keeper off the balcony, or in the least storm away, but the statement had caught her attention.

 "Care to enlighten me on what that means?"

 "I have spent the last 750 odd years with demons. Do you think they would tolerate me if I had some holier-than-thou attitude? . I'm not some angelic little warrior that tries to protect everything and everyone from the evils of the world. If I did that, I'd never get anything done and I'd be miserable." Buffy noted the personal jab, but let the Keeper continue. "You should know I get annoyed, as Will puts it, quite often. I hope you understand this: if you think beating some low-rank hell god makes you able to take me on, I'd think again. I am immortal. Not in the sense of immortal but with this or that weakness like demons. You cut me, it disappears instantly. You snap my neck, it's like an annoying crick. Flames do not hurt me, nor does slicing off my head, although both are a nuisance. I don't have a weakness. The only ones that can hurt or control me are the Powers, and they have yet to intervene in my actions. I could literally break you in half in five seconds flat, and if I intended to, I wouldn't waste time with a big speech before I killed you. You should take that as a good sign right now."

Buffy was again in shock at the bluntness with which Arabella spoke. This time around, she was quicker to respond. "Why the hell are you telling me all this?"

 "William is a member of my family. If you ever hurt him again, I will hurt you and yours tenfold."

 "You have no idea what you are talking about." Buffy stormed towards the doors leading to the inside, but was stopped by a blur of red hair and designer clothing before she could take three steps.

 "I know exactly what I am talking about, _Slayer_. If you think I will stand by and watch anyone treat my best friend in the deplorable manner that you have been, you are sorely mistaken. The fact that you could treat another person the way you have been treating Will is beyond comprehension."

Buffy took a step back, putting much needed space between her and Arabella. Her words had felt like a slap in the face. A large part of herself was screaming to agree with the redhead, and show the shame she felt for the past few months. The anger and defensiveness she felt at the hostility coming from Arabella won out though, and Buffy defended herself before she even realized what she was saying. "Spike's not a person, he's a demon. An evil, soulless, _thing_. If it wasn't for the chip in his head, he'd be out there killing innocent people and enjoying every minute of it." Even as Buffy said the words, she realized that she was resorting to her old excuses, her old justifications at the twisted relationship she had forced herself to have with Spike. Fifteen minutes before this moment, she was upset because she knew her actions had finally made her lose the vampire, now she was repeating the excuses she had finally admitted to herself that she was hiding behind. The only problem was, Buffy was letting her pride get the best of her and she could do nothing but jut her chin out defiantly.

To her shock, all Arabella did was laugh bitterly. She walked over the balcony rail and picked up the red wine glass, saluted Buffy, and threw back the remaining red liquid. "You really are a peace of work, aren't you?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, and started towards the exit again, but she promptly halted when she heard Arabella whisper.

 "Do you know what the opposite of evil is?"

 "What?"

 "I asked if you know what the opposite of evil is."

Buffy rolled her eyes and answered. "Good."

 "Wrong." Somehow the simple answer had gotten Buffy's attention. She turned around and placed her hand on her hips, waiting for Arabella to explain herself. "Good is the opposite of bad, correct?" Buffy nodded in irritation. "And you have to agree that evil and bad are not the same."

 "What's your point?" Buffy didn't know where Arabella was going with this line of thought, but she wanted her to get there quickly. Every moment she spent with the redhead made her hate her more and more, and she needed to go kill something desperately.

 "Be patient. I want you to think about the concept of evil. Or, the concept of evil that you have." Pausing for a moment, she waited until she was convinced that Buffy had actually done what she asked. "Now think of a word that describes the exact opposite of that."

Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but found that no words could come out. Arabella walked over to the balcony and picked up the glass of white wine still sitting there. She went over to Buffy, and handed her the glass.

 "I'm not saying that evil doesn't exist, you just have never experienced real evil or anything close to it."

 "But – "

Arabella motioned to her to let her finish by placing a finger on her own lips, a faint smile hinting behind it. "Please let me finish. I know it's hard to believe that things you have seen and fought are not evil. Don't get me wrong, they were all bad, but none are even close to evil." Arabella paused and a dark look crossed over her face and she seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. The look disappeared as quickly as it had come, being replaced by a serious expression as she looked into Buffy's eyes. "Real evil, it can't be fought. It has a way of tainting everything it touches with its darkness. Not even the most pure things can escape it. Real evil has the power to consume everything and everyone, filling them with itself. It's like a virus or a plague, and even the most moral people are defenceless against it."

Buffy sat down on a nearby bench and took a long drink from the glass in her hand. Arabella waited a moment before she joined her. "Why are you telling me this?"

 "Because I need you to understand something. Demons are bad, yes. But they're not evil. Most aren't good, but they are nothing compared to the real darkness in the world. The watcher's council teaches you that all vampires and demons are inherently evil because it makes your job simpler. They teach you that humans have souls, and demons don't, again to make your job simpler."

 "So what, I shouldn't slay vampires anymore?"

 "That's definitely not what I'm trying to say. What I hope you'll understand is that things are not simply black and white. The universe is a lot more complicated than that."

Buffy could see what she was saying, but still didn't understand her point. The expression she wore as she said the words had affected her more than the actual words, and Buffy desperately wanted to know what Arabella meant. She knew whatever it was probably had to do with Spike, and thought it would probably be easier if she just brought him into the conversation.

 "I get what you're trying to tell me. Spike's not evil, he's just very, very bad. The definition of a word doesn't change the things he's done."

 "And what has he done?"

 "_What?_" Buffy could not believe Arabella was asking that question. She knew that the woman was friends with him, but she couldn't possibly have blinders on to all the things he had done.

 "What has he done to you specifically? Yes, he's tried to kill you. But, you have tried to kill him as well. And yes, he's killed two Slayers. The same argument holds. I'm not going to deny that William has killed a countless number of people, but can you name one time you know of where he has drawn it out or hurt people strictly for pleasure he derives from their pain?" 

Buffy stuck her chin out proudly, and looked Arabella in the eyes. "He tortured Angel to the point before he was dust three years ago."

Arabella cocked her head to the side and thought about what Buffy said. "I'll give you that one, but if you had any concept of the things Angelus has done to him over the years, you would probably have been beside him handing him the holy water."

 "Angel isn't Angelus."

 "I hate to burst your bubble, but that's probably the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. He was cursed with guilt, a conscience so great he can't step on a bug without brooding over it for a moment. Everyone's just assumed that it was a human soul and the Powers decided it would be easier not to dissuade everyone from that belief. Besides, a human soul does not necessarily give you humanity or morals."

 "You don't know what you're talking about." Buffy stood up and started pacing. She looked over at Arabella, and hated what she saw. Somehow, Buffy knew Arabella was telling the truth. It was the way she had told her, with compassion in her eyes. The realization that what she said was true made Buffy feel sick to her stomach. "Why are you telling me this?" The question was asked with a quivering voice, and Buffy had tears glistening in her eyes.

 "I'm telling you this because you need to know it. There is so much you don't know, and it's hindering you. Your belief that William is just a thing is only one of the ways you are hindered."

 "Why would that hinder me?"

Arabella got up and walked over to where Buffy was standing, taking her hands in her own. "Because William is so much more than some evil thing. And as much as I dislike it, he loves you more than anything in this world, and all he wants is for you to accept his love. There is no way that love like his can be a negative force unless you make it that way."

 "I know." Buffy said it at in an almost inaudible whisper, but Arabella still picked up on it. She let go of Buffy's hands and started to walk towards the doors leading to the inside.

 "I don't believe you do, Buffy. You don't even let yourself see him."

Buffy let Arabella exit, as she thought about what the Keeper had just said. The words took a moment to sink in before she understood their full meaning. She had never let Spike show her how he felt. Whenever he had tried to be soft or loving during their 'sessions,' she had responded by with violence or by running away. She had never allowed him to express how he felt about her, even if he had said the words over and over again. The realizations made Buffy's knees give out, and she sat down blindly on the bench behind her, as reached for the glass of wine, draining its contents. The thought that he had finally given up on her filled her thoughts and it made her heart pound with the fear that she had finally lost him.


	12. Disappointment

Truth Keeper 

A/N: Voici! Thanks for all the great reviews. I know this chapter's short, but I didn't feel the need to make their conversation any longer. I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 11 - Disappointment**

Spike reached Dawn, just as she was about to head onto the dance floor. He grabbed her arm, and ignored the small warning his chip gave him as he dragged her towards the centre of the floor. Before she could protest, he was leading her in a waltz, ensuring that she could not escape from his grasp.

"I need to talk to you, Nibblet, and I doubt your going to like what I have to say."

Dawn wrenched her arm out of Spike's grip, and looked at the vampire with a cross of confusion, anger, and shock. "Geez, you could have just asked me to dance. What's with all the harshness Spike?"

Without answering, Spike took Dawn in his arms and started leading her around the dance floor in classic Victorian form. At first Dawn was tripping over both his feet as well as her own, but after a few minutes Dawn had found her bearings and was comfortably allowing Spike lead her around the floor. Neither said a word, but as the first song came to a close, Dawn started to get impatient.

"So are you going to talk? Because to not like what you say, I kind of have to hear it first."

"I don't think I've ever been disappointed in you before Nibblet."

Dawn rolled her eyes and tried to move out of Spike's arms, but Spike tightened his grip and continued to spin them around the dance floor.

 "I think we've already had this conversation. Let's do a quick summary, k? You treat me like a child, ignore how I feel, and don't let me have any independence. But, like everyone else, you can't seem to see that. Just so you know, the conversation is really getting old for me. So if you don't mind, I'm going to skip the talk and go dance with the cute boy I was with when you so rudely interrupted."

 "That _boy_ is a demon, Platelet. A Cornu demon, to be precise. They age about ten-times slower than humans. He looks about seventeen, so he should be around a hundred and seventy, give or take a bit."

Dawn looked at Spike in shock, then over her shoulder at the boy in question. There was a look of disgust on her face when she turned back to face Spike. "Ew. I really didn't want to know that."

 "There's a lot you probably don't want to know that you should know."

 "What's that supposed to mean?"

 "I'm just saying that you want to be a grown up, but you're still innocent about the world around you." 

Dawn just rolled her eyes again, and snorted. "I think I've dealt with enough demons to know more about the world than your average person. Besides, _I_ want to know those things, but Buffy won't even let me help research."

 "That's not what I'm talking about Nibblet. I'm not talking about the Big Bads and demons that big sis slays. I'm talking about the dangers your big sis and I can't protect you from." Spike spoke softly, a look of protectiveness crossing his face as he thought about all the things he wanted to protect Dawn from. It wasn't the vampires and other things that went bump in the night he was worried about, but the people that would take advantage of her and the dangers that she faced during the daylight hours.

 "I think I can handle the dangers of dating and having a social life. It's really not as scary as you think." Spike had to restrain himself from shaking the teenager in front of him. It was like talking to a brick wall. If there was any trait that Dawn got from her sister it was her stubbornness and unwillingness to see anything but what she wanted to see. The Summers women were probably the most skilled beings on the planet when it came to denying what they didn't like or agree with.

 "What if I hadn't been at the Bronze last Friday night?"

 "I probably would have had a really good time." The perky statement was followed by a smirk from Dawn that made Spike's teeth grind. He briefly wondered if his own smirk was that frustrating and irritating.

 "What if something had happened?"

 "Like what? A demon attacking the Bronze? Been around for a few of those."

 "No. What if one of those wankers you had been flirting with slipped something in your drink? Or if you had gotten jumped in the alley on your drunken way home? What if one of those boys expected a lot more than a dance and a peck on the cheek as a good night? What then?"

 "It wouldn't happen. You wouldn't let it happen."

 "What if I wasn't there Dawn? You're bloody lucky. Buffy was probably about to go to sleep when I dragged you in and she had no clue what you were up to. She thought you were happily at that little bint you run with's house watching movies and eating ice cream. If I hadn't been there, anything could have happened and there would be no one to help you. It happens to girls every night." As Spike spoke, he had been getting angrier and more upset. The mere idea that his girl could get hurt in any way scared him more than words could describe. The possibility that he wouldn't be there the next time made him feel sick to his stomach.

Dawn gulped and looked up at Spike with big eyes. She could hear how upset he was, and she knew it wasn't just anger. The protectiveness he had exhibited the night Buffy came back was strong in his voice, and for the first time since she had been busted Bronzing it with Janice, she felt a nagging bit of guilt at her actions. "I'll be more careful, okay?"

 "It's not just about being more careful Dawn. Do you have any idea at how upset your sister was?"

 "She kind of made that clear on the numerous occasions she's screamed at me about it."

 "I'm not talking about angry, Nibblet. Your sister has never had the choices you have. By your age, she was already Chosen and was out slaying nasties all night, a short life expectancy already hanging over her shoulders. She doesn't want you to deal with all the crap she puts up with daily. She wants you to have as normal a life as possible and as safe a life as possible. You should respect how much she sacrifices to ensure you don't have to sacrifice anything."

 "I respect Buffy. I've never said I didn't. I just wish she'd treat me with more respect and treat like a person, not a pet."

 "Running around drinking and partying at all hours is not showing her respect. Do you have any idea how much your actions hurt her?"

 "Does she have any idea how much her actions hurt _me_? While all my friends have late curfews and are allowed to do what they want, I'm still stuck with babysitters. I'm not some baby who needs coddling every moment of every day. If Buffy would just let me have some freedom, maybe I would listen to her stupid rules."

 "Those stupid rules are in place for a reason. Can you even tell me how many time you've been kidnapped because of who your sister is?"

Dawn paused mid-step and looked over her shoulder, doing a mental count of how many times she had found herself in some demon's hands. As the count got bigger and bigger, Dawn furrowed her brow and looked at Spike. "I lost count once I hit Buffy's high school years." Spike raised his eyebrows, but before he could give Dawn his usual cocky smirk, she spoke again. "Technically, though, I've only actually been around for, like, a year and a half. So really, I haven't been kidnapped that many times…"

Spike couldn't believe she was trying to cop out of the argument with that excuse. He silently cursed the monks for how good a job they had done – she was definitely a Summers through and through, just like her sister.

 "And, if you or Buffy would teach me how to defend myself, getting kidnapped wouldn't be such a big problem."

 "Brick wall." Spike mumbled the words as Dawn continued to justify her position. At the whisper, Dawn stopped speaking and cocked her head to the side.

 "What?"

 "Nothing, Nibblet."

 "No, not nothing. What did you say?"

Spike sighed even though he didn't need the breath. He knew she wouldn't relent until he told her what he had said, and if he told her he'd get to see another Summers trait: her short temper.

 "I said brick wall."

 "What's that supposed to mean?" The snapped words were exactly what Spike expected, as was the look of anger that was starting to show in Dawn's expression.

 "Nothing. Forget I said anything. Not what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place."

Dawn wrenched her arms from Spikes grasp and crossed her arms, a gesture that made her look just like her older sister. "Fine, whatever. Why don't you tell me what you wanted to say so that I can go?" Spike drooped his shoulders and rubbed the bridge of his noise. He looked up and studied the youngest Summers face. He contemplated just walking away and forgetting about trying to fix things between the only two humans on the planet he loved, but decided against it. What he had originally come to say had to be said.

 "I'm disappointed in you because you forgot about your mother. What she would want for you. You want to know what Buffy was most upset about last Friday? The fact that she wasn't doing the job she knew your Mum would have done looking after you." Spike looked down and turned around, the pain in Dawn's eyes too much for him to take. But it needed to be said. "Remember something, Nibblet – you're what's left of Joyce in this world. Don't shame her memory by acting the way you have."

As Spike walked away, he couldn't help but rub the few tears forming in his own eyes. The conversation had made him think of his own mother again, and the combination of thoughts of her, Joyce, and the look on Dawn's face had done him in. He headed towards the door of the hall, and headed out into the night. The thought of being in the brightly lit room for one more moment made the blood rise in his throat. He couldn't understand why he was feeling the way he was, why for the second time that week he was remembering the past he had never given a second thought to for so long. He had finally pinned down the feeling he had felt the evening at the gift store, an emotion he hadn't felt since the night he met Dru. The feeling was one he thought he would never feel again.

Guilt.


	13. Late Night Wanderings

Truth Keeper 

A/N – Wow, at some point in the last few days, not only one, but a horde of writing bugs bit me and this is the result. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please, please, please review! Keep whatever has inspired me to do nothing but write this last week going and let me know what you think. Anyways – here's the chapter, hope you like it! 

P.S. I've been archived at Falcon-Rider's site!  Go check her site out at http://www.geocities.com/starsightvoices. 

**Chapter 12 – Late Night Wanderings**

As Buffy finished putting the leftover wedding cake in the fridge, she grimaced at how empty it was. Knowing there was nothing she could do without more money, she started aimlessly walking around the lower level of the house, picking up dishes and tidying as she went. When they had gotten home, Dawn had gone straight up to her room to bed. She had been strangely silent on the way home, not even throwing in her usual sarcastic, bitter comments. Willow had gone home with Tara, saying her and her fellow Wiccan had more to 'talk' about. Buffy couldn't help but smile at the thought of seeing the two walking away hand in hand. It was nice to see all her friends so happy. 

The thought of happiness made Buffy pause. Why couldn't she be happy along with everyone else? She was happy for them, but she wasn't happy herself. She had finally realized what she wanted. What she needed. And after one conversation that left her sick to her stomach, she realized that her decision was too late.

Buffy's gut reaction after Arabella left her on the balcony was to go find Spike. She was upset, so she should go see Spike. Then she had realized why she was upset, and her brain had finally allowed herself to analyse her usual gut reaction and understand what it meant. When Buffy needed support, she didn't go to her best friends, or to her sister. She went to the soulless vampire that loved her. And it wasn't just because he wouldn't judge her or expect anything of her. It was because he did expect something from her – for her to be herself. He provided her with a support no one had ever given her. No matter what the situation was, no matter what was going on between them at the time, Spike had always been behind her, supporting her every decision and every action. Sure, he would object and give his opinion, often quite harshly, but he would always be there at her side in the end. Buffy was finally realizing just how much she needed his support to function. 

Somewhere along the line, she and Spike had become a part of one another. Buffy didn't even think Spike saw it. They slayed together, watched out for Dawn together, slept together…the list went on and on. The only things they didn't do with one another were the things Buffy consciously would not allow. Top on that list for the last few months was that under no circumstances would she allow herself to fall asleep with him. Not after that first night. It was too dangerous to allow herself to do so. When she had first woken up that morning, before she was fully conscious of where she was, all Buffy wanted to do was roll over and hide from the world. She could smell that distinct Spike scent surrounding her, could feel his arms holding her tightly. And she wanted to get lost in those simple sensations. What bothered her more than anything that morning, what made her run more than anything in that whole horrible situation was that she _wanted_ to stay, _wanted_ to forget about everything. About her friends, about slaying, about money, about Dawn. All Buffy wanted to do was lose herself in Spike. And she couldn't have resisted doing just that if she had ever allowed herself to wake up in his arms again.

But now her attitude had changed. Buffy couldn't help but chuckle at why it had changed. The wedding of an ex-demon and a man who hated Spike with his entire being had made her finally understand the war being raged against her conscious mind and subconscious mind. And finally, her conscious mind had clued in and admitted the truth about her feelings. Only she was sure it was too late. _She_ was too late. 

But maybe she wasn't. The words Xander had said to her just over a year ago travelled through her mind.

"He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, (shakes head) let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy ... I'm talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need ... if you're ready for that ... then think about what you're about to lose."

Buffy had thought a lot about those words. Especially in the weeks after Riley left. At some point, Buffy had realized that Riley wasn't the guy. He had been her rebound guy, even though she still wouldn't admit it to anyone but herself. For some reason the words had always stuck in her mind. The words had been nagging at her thoughts all day, and now it clicked. She was ready for it.

Without another thought, Buffy was out the door and down the street. She ran the familiar path at her full preternatural speed, reaching Spike's crypt in less than five minutes. As soon as she reached the door, her entire body froze. She went from being a blur of green to looking like a statue. All the clarity seemed to disappear, and questions started to run through her head. _What if he's not there? What if he is there? Should I knock or slam through the door as usual? What if he's not alone? What if he is alone? What if he's alone and doesn't want to be bothered? What if he's not interested? _

_What if he is interested?_

That question made Buffy move. She opened the door cautiously, afraid of what she would find inside, but she needed to know. For once in her life she wouldn't run away, she wouldn't avoid what might hurt her heart. She'd take the risk. As Buffy took the final step into the crypt, she closed her eyes and waited for the usual sarcastic comment that came with her entrance. He always knew when she was coming and was always prepared. So she waited, eyes shut, biting her lip in a combination of anticipation and dread.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After a few minutes had gone by, Buffy opened her eyes and looked around. The crypt was empty. There was nothing, no TV, no chair, no fridge. And most importantly, no Spike. Buffy took a deep breath and swallowed back the sob that was trying to get out. _Maybe he's asleep. I've snuck up on him asleep before._ Buffy couldn't just accept this and walk away. She had come farther than she had ever come before. With more purpose, Buffy reached for the match she new always rested above the crypt's entrance. When her hand found the familiar box, she smiled, and took it as a sign that Spike wasn't completely gone from this place. Finding a discarded candle, she lit it and headed to the familiar entrance to the crypt's lower level. The level she had spent hours in. The level she had blown away.

As she cautiously headed down the ladder, candle balanced precariously in one hand, she could smell the smoky remains of the room Spike had made into his home. As her feet hit the ground, she instinctively turned to wear the bed was. It was funny how she knew exactly where it was, having spent such a small amount of time in it compared to the rest of the room. The dim light she had revealed the charred remains of a mattress, springs covered at soot visible from the many holes the fire had caused.

Buffy slowly turned around the room, looking for some sign of Spike. Some sign that he was still in this place. The light passed over the room, illuminating the objects and decorations she could remember adorning the room. As she passed over a trunk, she paused. She couldn't remember that being there before. In fact, she couldn't remember seeing anything with a similar shape in the room.

Buffy moved closer to investigate, and saw the telltale signs that this was something new. There were marks in the ash that covered the ground, showing that the trunk had indeed been dragged into the centre of the room. She inspected the trunk carefully. It wasn't as charred as the rest of what she saw, even in the dark light. It looked heavy and old; the wood lid was engraved with three letters. W.A.C.

 "William…"

Instantly Buffy knew that the trunk had belonged to Spike as a human. But for some reason, she doubted that it still contained what she would have originally found in it. Buffy knew she shouldn't open the trunk, but she couldn't help it. She had never been good with temptation. She placed the candle beside her and allowed her hands to delicately trace over the three letters before she slowly began opening the lid.

*****

Spike had been walking. He wasn't sure how long he had been walking, although he was aware that it had been at least two or three hours. He knew he should probably do something or go somewhere, but instead he just walked. He had probably passed every gravestone in every graveyard at some point that evening, staking a few fledglings as he went. There was no fight in his stakings, they were fast, mechanical and efficient. He had too much on his mind to put the energy he needed to have fun dusting the new vampires.

So he continued to walk, hands dug deeply into his duster pockets, shoulders slumped, and head down. Every so often, his hands would appear; a fag in one, his lighter in the other. The nicotine was doing nothing to come his nerves, but Spike continued to hope in vain that the nicotine in one of the many he had smoked would kick in eventually. He was beginning to hope they would kick in soon.

It was hard enough having to try and interpret the staring competition he and Buffy had had during the wedding ceremony. The way her eyes had looked into his, completely open, it was new to him and slightly unnerving. It had given him so much hope that maybe… Spike was afraid to think the thought, afraid that his vocalising a reconciliation between him and the Slayer would curse the possibility. He had felt her eyes on him numerous times that night, but she hadn't come near him, and he wouldn't, he _couldn't _go to her first. It frustrated him that he hadn't had time to study the Slayer covertly and try to figure out what she was thinking. He had had things to do at the wedding, and he had forced himself to focus on them and not her green eyes once he had gotten to the reception.

That brought up the two other difficulties he had. First, there was his conversation with Dawn. It had actually gone quite well, he thought. Before he had walked away, it looked as if he had finally struck something in her teenage brain that would make her see how stupid she had been. Hopefully what he said would stick, and not be forgotten in a few days or weeks. By the expression in her eyes, Spike was pretty sure his words would actually stay with the youngest Summers and influence her actions in the future. It wasn't Dawn that had been bothering him, though. It was his own reaction. The feelings and thoughts he had had at the end of the conversation. Feelings he hadn't felt until recently.

Spike had spent a good hour of his walk trying to figure out what it all meant. He had thought about his feelings and actions over most of his unlife, and what he saw bothered him. In the last two years, he had been slowly feeling things and caring about things that he never would have before. Most specifically, the love he felt for Buffy. He had and still loved Drusilla. But it was so different than what he felt for Buffy. Drusilla was like a drug. He constantly wanted more, but every dose damaged him more and more. Loving Dru had caused him more harm than good, and he was glad that his time with her was over. With Buffy, it was so much simpler, and so much more complicated than what he had with Drusilla. His love for Buffy had no strings, no fine print. He loved her. It couldn't be categorized as love for this reason or that reason. It didn't depend on specific conditions or traits Buffy possessed. Although Spike felt awkward using the word to describe anything about himself, when he thought of the love he had for Buffy, the word pure always came to mind. He felt pure love for Buffy. And the emotion was the most complicated and most basic emotion he had, or ever would, feel. 

At first he had thought it was the chip's fault. It had softened him up by not allowing him to hunt. But he had been hunting, just not humans. If truth be told, some of his most brutal kills had occurred while slaying demons, and definitely some of his most fun. They had the power and strength that most humans didn't possess, sometimes they even surprised him with a challenge. If anything, not being able to kill humans had provided him with a whole new set of fighting skills. His next answer to the emotion question was maybe that the chip provided stimulus to the parts of his brain where specific emotions were. The thought was viable, but there was a gnawing feeling in his stomach that told him that wasn't the situation. There was something else going on with him, going on around him. He was a little apprehensive about whatever that was, but again part of him was telling him the changes were good.

There was one thing that was definitely not good. It was anything but not good. When Spike had gone to D'Hoffryn, he had doubted the demon would agree to do what he had asked. He had wanted things fixed. He didn't want things fixed for him, but for Buffy. Even if it meant he would be out of her life forever, he needed to try and make things better in her life.

 "Spike."

 "D'Hoffryn."

 "So what may I do for you? That expression tells me you're here to talk business."

_ "I'm here to call in my favours."_

_ "Which one?"_

_ "All of them."_

_ "Really. You must want me to do something extremely important for you."_

_ "I want you to fix her."_

_ "Fix who?"_

_ "Buffy."_

_ "The Slayer? How does she need fixing?"_

_ "You know she was brought back, right?"_

_ "The power of that magic was felt everywhere."_

_ "Well, the witch screwed up. She's not right, she didn't come back right. I can hit her. I want you to make it so I can't, make her like she was before her death. Make her better and happy again."_

 "Spike, I'm sorry, but I cannot do what you ask. It's not in my power to do something like that…

He had known going into the conversation that the old, powerful demon would probably refuse his request, but he had to try. He had expected a flat out refusal, even laughing. He hadn't expected what D'Hoffryn had said next. He really wished D'Hoffryn hadn't told him what he had.

 "Things are in play, big things. You're involved, everything is involved… this goes straight to the top."

The warning had made Spike very nervous. D'Hoffryn had never been one for chaos, but he wasn't one to give a doomsday warning. He usually just stepped back and watched things unfold. And of course, Hof couldn't just give him a warning about what to be ready for, it had to be cryptic and confusing. There were so many possibilities for the meaning behind the words it made Spike's head spin.

Spike was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts by the familiar tingle in the back of his neck.

 "Buffy." Before he even realised where he was, he could sense the Slayer was near. Looking around, he couldn't help but smile smugly. He had somehow managed to end up outside his crypt. Well, his old crypt, anyways.

Spike had listened to Arabella's advice and found a flat in one of the nicer apartment buildings in town. He had funded it for the next few months by selling Dracula's debt to Arabella. The topic of the one hundred year old bet had come up on one of their drunken trips down memory lane. Arabella had been there when the bet was made, and, of course, remembered the event much better than Spike did. The next afternoon Arabella had arrived at the crypt with a newspaper and manila envelope in her hands. Hung over and half asleep, Spike had signed a contract selling the debt to the Keeper. She had made some calls, done some math, and had decided that she would be able to get the money from the legendary vampire a lot more easily than Spike ever would. Spike could remember her mumbling about it being a project with interest while she counted out the very generous amount of money she was giving Spike in return. Of course, there were conditions for the money. 

Arabella had spent the morning apartment hunting. She had found a few places that were up to her standards and available right away. One beneficial thing about living on the Hellmouth was the fast turnover rate for real estate. The mortality rate probably had a big hand in that fact, and it definitely helped Spike find an apartment that came furnished. Spike had moved in immediately, and only had one more object to transfer from the crypt, his trunk. 

As Spike entered the crypt he wondered idly if Buffy had found the trunk that was home to his personal history. Everything he had saved over the years, even a few pictures and mementos from his human years were in there. When he saw the faint glow coming from lower level, it was confirmed. Buffy was probably sorting through his most personal and revealing belongings as he stood staring at the glowing trap door in front of him. Strangely enough, it didn't bother him.

One of Spike's favourite Buffy-dreams was when they would sit, entangled in each other's arms and talk. They would talk about everything, their lives, their interests, the weather. It didn't matter what they talked about in the dreams, the important fact was that they were both perfectly content being in each other's company. Sometimes in the dream they were in the sunlight, sometimes in her house. Most often the location was insignificant, and all Spike could see was Buffy's smiling face as she told him about her day. They had had so few real conversations since she had come back, and none of the conversations they had ever included a smile from the blond slayer. Spike had always known the important details about Buffy's life, and quite a few secrets no one else knew, but he had never been given the opportunity to learn the little things, like what her favourite food was, or what books she had loved as a child. He had learned some things from his talks with Joyce, but there was something so much more special about the idea of Buffy willingly sharing herself with him.

The thought that Buffy would learn some of the things he dreamed of learning about her made him smile gently. Even she wasn't asking him specifically, she was still learning those things he so desperately wanted her to know. The trace of hope he had always clung onto until recently was starting to emerge, and Spike made a quick move towards the stairs.

*****

The first thing Buffy saw when she opened the trunk, was a black and white picture of Drusilla in a poodle skirt. Buffy stared at the picture for a moment before the inside of the lid caught her eye. It was covered with postcards from all over Europe. Lifting the corner of one up, Buffy's eyebrow raised when she recognized the messy scribble on the back. It was Angel's writing. Angelus's. Buffy wondered if all the postcards had come from her ex-boyfriend before he got his soul, or if it was by chance that the one she chose to glance at was from him. Her focus on the postcards disappeared as she saw another picture that rested at the top of the trunk. It was old and delicate looking, a severe woman dressed in the 19th century style, with a small boy standing obediently beside her. The sharp cheekbones and large eyes gave the identity of the boy away, and Buffy found herself staring at the photo, mouth agape. She had never really thought of Spike as human before.

Before Buffy could do anymore rummaging, she felt the tingle that only Spike's present caused. It was different than the feeling most vampires caused – that uncomfortable crawling up the back of her spine. With Spike, the tingle was a welcome sensation, a light tickling at the back of her neck that quickly spread to the rest of her body. When she felt him right behind her, she dropped the lid of the trunk and spun around. Even in the shadows, his piercing blue eyes drew her own green ones to them, and she almost fell back at their intensity.

 "Spike, um, hi. I, uh, I thought you were gone. I mean, the crypt, it's, it's empty," Buffy gestured around, wishing she could disappear into a corner. Her cheeks had quickly gone a bright red at being caught looking in the trunk.

Spike had to suppress a chuckle. He had never seen her so embarrassed before, or so cute. Her large eyes had somehow managed to get even bigger, and she was gnawing at her bottom lip nervously. Spike could barely stop himself from pulling her into his arms when she started to fidget under his stare. Spike opened his mouth to speak, but then thought better of it. He was enjoying watching her turn beet red too much.

 "I didn't see anything – well not much. A few postcards and photos, that's all really. I, I thought you had left it here."

Spike stepped out into the light and smiled the same gentle smile he had on before as he got closer to both trunk and Slayer. "It's alright, luv. Wouldn't have left it out in the open if I didn't want anyone to find it."

Buffy straightened her back a little and looked at the vampire in front of her. He looked so different without the duster and usual punk get up. The gentle expression matched the suit he was in, and it made her want to reach out and wrap her arms around him forever. Well, Buffster, now or never. Maybe she could do just that. Buffy took a deep breath and stepped towards Spike. She could feel the air between them change as they got closer, and she relished in the electric feel that went down her spine.

 "I want to apologize."

Spike just shook his head gently. Something was definitely different with his Slayer. "I told you it's alright, luv. No need to concern yourself over it." Spike paused and thought for a second. "Although, I doubt I'll ever hear an apology come from you again, so why don't you go ahead." He couldn't help saying it, and smirked at his petite love. To his shock, a light smile covered her lips.

 "That's not what I wanted to apologize for." The smirk left Spike's mouth, and was replaced with a dead serious expression. Buffy gulped nervously and looked down. Slowly, she turned her head up, and looked directly into the azure eyes that had always read her so well. "I wanted to," Buffy paused and took a deep breath. I can do this; my heart won't stop if I say this out loud. "I wanted to apologize for not being clear the other day. When I said I can't love you."

Spike winced and stepped away. He could not believe he had been stupid enough to think she was here for a reconciliation. Turning his back to Buffy, he closed his eyes and waited for the biting comment he knew was coming.

Buffy bit her lip nervously. Maybe that wasn't the best way to begin. She could feel her heart beating heavily in her chest and wanted nothing more than to bolt. Her feet were betraying her though, and she was rooted to her spot. She knew she had no choice but to continue, however scared she was. "I shouldn't have feelings for you, Spike. I'm not supposed to. That's why I can't love you." Spike's ears perked up, there was something in her voice that gave him hope, but he didn't turn around, he just waited for her to continue. "But I do – have feelings, I mean. You make me happy. I'm sorry I've been so afraid to let you – " 

Before she could continue, Buffy found herself enveloped in Spike's arms, his cold lips covering her own. She welcomed the passionate kiss, and wrapped her own arms around his neck, entwining her fingers in his hair. After what seemed like both years and nanoseconds, they separated. Both panting, although only one needed to breath. Buffy looked into Spike's eyes, and was knocked away by the love and happiness he saw there. Suddenly, his eyes clouded over slightly, and he looked at her quizzically. She knew instantly that he was wondering about whether she would tell the Scoobies about them or not.

 "Does this mean – "

Before he could finish the question, he was silenced by Buffy's finger on his lips. "I'll – I mean, we'll tell them tomorrow. I want to do this properly this time." Even as she said the words, Buffy could feel the familiar knot forming in her stomach. She shrugged it off when the happiness and love came back to Spikes eyes, this time mixed with awe. Before Buffy could even form another thought, Spike was kissing her again as he spun her around the room.

When they finally broke apart, Spike was sitting on the trunk, Buffy straddling him. Both their lips were swollen and red from their impromptu make-out session, and Spike had a goofy grin Buffy had never seen before plastered across his face. He was holding her casually around the waste, their foreheads wresting against one another. "I love you so much, Buffy."

Buffy just smile and pecked him on the lips. "I hate to say this, but I better get going. I've got to wake up early tomorrow and I've got a double shift at the Palace for getting all of today and yesterday off."

 "I'll walk you. Better head back to my new place before the sun comes out to visit."

The couple forced themselves to get up and lose contact while they climbed the ladder to exit the crypt. As they walked the familiar path towards Revello drive, they walked in blissful silence, arms wrapped tightly around eachother. Buffy hadn't felt this content longer than she could remember. She felt as if all the weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she was free to enjoy the world again. Spike was still in shock. He never thought he'd actually be walking arm in arm with Buffy, cuddling like a real couple as they took a late night stroll.

Once they reached the door, Spike turned to Buffy and drew her into yet another long, deep kiss. As they broke apart, Spike looked at her hopefully. Before he could suggest he come inside, Buffy smiled and shook her head.

 "Tomorrow. After we tell everyone. Xander and Anya don't leave for their honeymoon until Monday – something about it being more economical. Just be at the Magic Box at sunset, okay?"

Spike nodded and answered with another long kiss. This time, Buffy whimpered as they broke apart. She was ready to drag him inside behind her, but knew she had to control herself, Spike certainly wouldn't.

Breathlessly, she whispered, "Tomorrow," again, before giving Spike a chaste peck and rushing into the house. She leaned against the door until she could no longer sense his presence, and headed up to the bathroom to have a very cold shower. She wasn't sure she could last twenty-four hours now that she realized just how long it had been since they were last together.

*****

A/N – I know, I know – all puppies and sunlight for their reunion. But do you really think I'm going to make it that easy? (picture me smiling evilly here)


	14. Hurt

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – I know it's been literally forever since I posted last. I've been extremely busy and although I want to write, I don't have much time to do so. Unfortunately, there will continue to be a large time lapse between chapter postings. I might try posting shorter chapters more frequently, but I can't make any promises. There is plenty more to come in this fiction, just please be patient. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review – it really does encourage me to find time to write and I appreciate all feedback.

**Chapter 13 - Hurt**

_"I thought you were going to help me find my Mama, Monsieur."_

_Spike looked down at the little girl and smiled. "I'm sure she's just around the corner." He tightened his grip on the child's hand and lengthened his stride. The little girl whimpered, but kept up with him. As they turned the corner, they were met by a large, hulking minion guarding a door._

_ "Master Spike," the minion spoke with a snarl, his eyes flashing yellow as he looked at the child, nostrils flaring at the scent of her fear. Without another word he opened the door for his master, bowing his head as Spike walked by, although his eyes never left the small child. As they entered the building, soft singing could be heard._

_"Ring around the rosies,_

_A pocket full of posies,_

_Ashes,_

_Ashes,_

_We all fall down._

_Ring around the rosies,_

_A pocket full of…"_

_"Drusilla, Princess, where are you?" Spike strode through the large, dark hall. It was silent except for the soft voice that seemed to be coming from every direction. _

_"Where's my Mama, Monsieur? I don't like this place." Spike had to suppress a growl at the child's whimper. He was about ready to snap the little girl's neck; the only thing stopping him was the thought of how pleased his Dark Princess would be with a final French gift. It was their last night in Paris, their train for Prague was leaving at sunset the next evening and they would not have time to hunt before boarding the train. Spike wanted to make Dru's last French meal special, and knew she would be delighted with the little girl he had found._

_As he neared their bedroom, the singing became louder, and soon Drusilla came floating out of the bedroom clad in one of her soft, long dresses. She had Miss Edith clutched to her chest and a dazed expression on her face._

_"Miss Edith is whispering of all the lovely death that came with the roses and rats. Raining ashes of blood, it was. Isn't it a pretty song, my Spike?"_

_"Lovely, pet."_

_"She says we'll be dancing in rings and have roses all around us soon," Drusilla pale face became even paler as she saw the visions dance in front of her. The whimpering and light shaking that always gave way to one of her tantrums began and Spike was quickly at her side, throwing the little girl roughly into a corner._

_"Hush, Princess. Everything will be fine as long as I'm here." He wrapped his arms around the vampiress and led her to the corner where his gift was trying to melt into the shadows. "I've brought you a gift. Why don't you introduce her to Miss Edith?" A grin spread across Drusilla's pale features, both beautifully childlike and insanely evil all at the same time. Kneeling down in front of the little girl, she began to stroke the now crying child's hair._

_"Shh, shh, shh, little one. I don't like it when you cry."_

_"I want my Mama, Madame."_

_Drusilla took the child's hand, and placed Miss Edith in it. "I'm your Mama now, and my Spike is your Papa. And this is Miss Edith, she can be very naughty, and then I have to punish her. You won't be naughty, though, will you?" The little girl shook her head and clutched the doll tightly to her chest as Drusilla lead her towards another room._

_"Ring around the rosies…"_

Spike woke up with a start. Closing his eyes, he tried to block out the images of the little girl, but they wouldn't disappear. Spike felt a stirring in his stomach and jumped up, sprinting to the bathroom adjacent to his new bedroom. He barely had time to reach the toilet before he heaved the bloody contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl.

_"She's been very naughty, Miss Edith, hasn't she?"_

Spike pulled himself up and splashed some water on his face. He looked up into the empty mirror, glad he couldn't see his reflection. "Bloody hell, man, get it together. You're not your sodding Grandsire."

"I'll say." Spike looked up with a start, jumping into a fighting stance automatically. When he saw the figure standing in the door, his body slackened and he leaned against the sink.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom, Ari?"

"Watching you have a nightmare and regurgitate pig's blood." Arabella stepped into the bathroom and looked over at the toilet, crinkling up her nose. "I'm glad you've got such good aim, Will. Otherwise I might have had to join you in being ill." Arabella strode out of the bathroom and over to his closet, Spike following wearily behind her. She grabbed the first pair of pants she saw and threw them at Spike. "Put those on. However much I enjoy taking in your _assets," she smiled mischievously and looked over her shoulder, giving herself a last glance at Spike's naked form, "it's really not appropriate."_

After pulling on the pants, Spike flopped into his bad, staring up at the empty ceiling. He felt the weight of another body joining him in the bed and turned his head to see Ari with a large, false grin on her face. "What do you want?"

"Is that any way to treat a guest?" Arabella spread out on the bed beside him, mimicking his position. When all she got was a glare, she spoke. "I want two things, actually. First, you're coming to Tijuana with a stop-over in Los Angeles with me. We need to pick up Henry before we head across the border."

"No."

"Oh, why not? It would be fun. When was the last time you went on a road trip?"

 "When Drusilla dumped me."

"Oh right, well, you've already been dumped so I promise it won't happen on this trip." Ari smiled hopefully, waiting for Spike to give in.

Spike had to control himself to not allow the big, goofy grin that was threatening to break out across his face at the mention of his relationship status. He was still having trouble believing that he and Buffy were back together – it had only been a week apart, but it had felt like ages and it was all so different now. He had never expected Buffy to give him a real chance at making her happy. And now he had that opportunity and more.

"I'm not going to Tijuana with you, lamb. Nothing you can say or do will convince me."

"You really are a stubborn git, aren't you?"

"'Yes I am. 'Sides, aren't you here on work?" 

"Yes, but I went to the Post Office last night after the reception –"

"Since when have there been Oracles in Sunnyhell?"

"Oh, they're temporary. That whole voice-of-God thing they do with Henry really gives me the creeps, so whenever I'm on a big case I get my own personal Oracles."

"Spoiled brat."

"Aren't I? Anyways, things have had to be moved forward – stars aligning too early, sequence of events unforeseen, so on and so on. I'll explain it all when we go to the Magic Box later. I _really hate explaining things more than once."_

"Alright." Arabella was surprised. She had expected at least a little bit of prodding before he would grudgingly wait for her to explain what was going on. "Rather eager to get over there myself."

A light smile played over Spike's face as he thought about his reasons for going to the Magic Box that evening. Buffy was going to tell her friends about them. _Willingly tell them about them. She had been so open the night before, at first Spike had thought it was a dream. And then he had kissed her - partly because he was so happy at her being honest, and partly to see if it was all real or just a dream. Thinking about the kiss led Spike's mind to thinking about other Buffy-related activities, and soon Spike found himself completely oblivious to anything but the images of Buffy dancing around in his head._

"And I hope you're happy that I was civil with the Slayer at the reception last night. Well, technically, I was really quite rude at first, and maybe a little threatening…but I was quite civil near the end of our conversation." Spike was so lost in his own thoughts, that he had barely heard a word Arabella had said. His brain had only noticed that she was speaking when he heard her mention Buffy, but only focused away from his lust filled thoughts near the end of her speech.

"What conversation, lamb?"

"You weren't bloody listening to a word I said were you?" Arabella sat up from her lazy position beside Spike and crossed her arms over her chest, an annoyed look on her face.

"Sorry, lamb." Spike gave her a small smile, not sorry in the least for his stray thoughts. "My mind is on something else."

"If you say you were thinking about the Slayer, I will rip your heart out and stomp on it is I watch you turn to dust myself, instead letting her do it – again."

"Aren't you being a tad bit hostile?"

"Not really. You should try it – it is in a demon's nature to be violent."

"You're not a demon, and you're always trying to convince me that's not the truth. Besides things are different now."

"Right." Arabella looked at Spike sceptically as she strolled over to his closet, and poked her head inside.

"Things are going to be very different after the little powwow at the Magic Box. There's a meeting at sunset if you're interested." Spike stretched lazily, barely able to contain his grin as he thought about just how different things would be.

"I would be, but then I would have had to been there over half an hour ago," Arabella said indifferently, content to rummage through the black that made up Spike's wardrobe. "You know, I think you had this same T-shirt in the 1950s." Arabella turned around, said T-shirt in her hand, only to find the room empty. "Well that was rather rude."

*****

Buffy sat at the table in the Magic Box, angrily glaring at her watch. Her day had been horrible, and the fact that Spike was over a half hour late was really not helping her mood. When she had woken up this morning, a grin had been plastered across her face. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. There will still outstanding bills to be paid, a job that she hated, and Dawn's problems to deal with, but she didn't care. She knew everything would be alright because she had Spike. Finally admitting how she felt had released a weight from her shoulders. The amazed, happy look and soft kisses Spike had given her the previous night had filled her with a warmth and calmness. So she had woken up with a grin the morning that had quickly faded.

 _That Morning…_

Buffy stretched leisurely, glancing over at the clock casually to see how long she had before she needed to get moving. When she saw that the glowing numbers on the clock display said 10:37, her eyebrows had knitted together pensively. Where was she meant to be at 10:37? With a start, Buffy shot out of bed. She was meant to be at work, halfway through her morning shift which had started at seven. Buffy had grudgingly accepted the shift after getting both Friday and Saturday off for the wedding, even though they were peak days at the Doublemeat. After saying goodbye to Spike and heading into her house the previous night, she had gone straight upstairs and into a cold shower, and then promptly curled up in a ball on her bed, completely forgetting that she needed to set her alarm.

And now she was late, very, very late. When she finally arrived at the Palace, she rushed in the back, pulling the ugly hat that was her uniform on as she did so. She was met by a very angry manager, who was holding a box that held the contents of her locker. As quickly as Buffy had come through the door, she was out. She didn't even say a word, vaguely hearing three strikes and last straw before the box was shoved into her hands and both she and the box were shoved out the employee entrance. In a daze, Buffy wondered around, heedless to the stares she was getting at the chicken-cow hybrid that was on her head. After about an hour of wandering, Buffy found herself in a familiar graveyard. Going to the crypt, she went to open the door with a new found purpose before she realized that Spike no longer lived there. Sighing, she turned around and headed towards Revello.

When Buffy got home, she was met by a grinning Willow at the door. She heard her say something about Tara, but escaped to the solitude of her bedroom as quickly as she could. Locking the door behind her, Buffy pulled the evil shoe box that held all the unpaid bills out from under her bed. Sitting at her desk, she did the math. Over and over and over again, praying that she could find some solution that had not been there before. Some secret trick to making all the bills disappear with enough money being left over for at least some groceries. After three hours of staring at bills and bank statements, Buffy snapped the pencil she had been chewing on in half and threw the two pieces across the room. She then curled up in a ball on her bed, and stared at the clock, willing it to be sun to go down and that it would soon be time to see Spike.

Buffy still really wanted to see Spike. But she didn't want a hug and the support he had always given her. She wanted to see him so that she could slam her fist into his face and yell at him for adding that little touch that made her day all that much worse. Looking around at her friends, Buffy got angrier. It had taken her a long time to convince Anya and Xander to tear themselves away from their bed to come over to the Magic Box. They were leaving for their honeymoon the next morning, and had sequestered themselves in their bedroom until that time. Anya was sitting impatiently, intermittently glaring at her watch and at Buffy. Xander had rolled his eyes when Buffy had insisted they wait for Spike for whatever she had to say, and had been complaining ever since.

"Buffy, we're leaving now." Buffy took her eyes away from the door to see Anya and Xander standing nervously, ready to leave. "It's been over half an hour, and you've said nothing. We just got married and need to have more sex."

Buffy's knuckles turned white as she clenched her hands into fists, trying desperately to conceal her anger from her friends. With an apologetic smile, she nodded her head. "I understand, sorry for wasting your time. Have a good time on your honeymoon." She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him in the most painful way possible.

Just as the newlyweds were about to exit the shop, Spike came running through the door at full supernatural speed, stopping abruptly as he entered the shop.

Pausing to get a bearing of his surroundings, it took Spike a moment to realize that all eyes were on him.

 "Does this mean we have to wait to have orgasms?" Anya said huffily, already heading back to her usual chair. Xander followed her, and although he didn't say anything, for once he looked to be in agreement with his wife completely. 

 "No, it's okay, you can go," Buffy said in a clipped manner, never taking her eyes off of Spike. "I wouldn't want you to have to wait any longer. _Forget I needed to say anything. It's not that important."  Buffy turned sharply and walked towards the back exit, needing fresh air before she attacked the vampire in front of her._

Anya and Xander shrugged, and got up to leave. Before they could move towards the door, Spike had his hands up pleadingly. "Just wait a while more, she's just pissed at me. Let me go smooth things over with the Slayer, and you won't have to spend your honeymoon in anticipation of what she had to say." Xander was about to speak up, when he felt a soft touch on his arm. He looked over to find Tara giving him a resolve face that equalled her girlfriend's. Whatever Buffy had to say regarded the vampire and it was obviously important. He took a pouting Anya's hand and guided her back into her chair, willing her to sit and wait for whatever had to be said. Without another word, Spike strode towards the back of the shop.

Spike slid out the back door, quietly closing it behind him. In front of him, Buffy was pacing back and forth. She looked as angry as he had ever seen her. As angry as she had been at Dawn just over a week before. As he tried to slip into the shadows, she spun around and glared at him. He could actually feel the anger coming off her in waves. He just hoped he could get her to forgive him for being so late.

 "How dare you. How dare you do that to me, Spike!"

 "Luv, I'm sorry I was late. I know it sounds like a stupid excuse, but I overslept."

 "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was, do you? Trying to explain to my friends why they were sitting around doing nothing for almost an entire an hour when I insisted that they had to be there at sundown? I couldn't even give then a real explanation to why it was so important to wait!"

 "Buffy, pet, I'm sorry. Please don't get worked up over this." Spike moved forward cautiously, afraid that if he got too close she would send him backwards with her fist.

 "Don't get worked up over this? If you had any idea how bad my day has been – this is just the icing on the cake. And what a shock, it's all because of _you." The venom in her words was like a slap, and Spike retreated to the shadows. "And you try to shrug it off by saying you over slept. It's just like you."_

 "Buffy, please listen to me. I've been having these dreams, nightmares, and –"

 "I don't want to hear it! God damn it Spike, this is why I can't be with you. You are completely self-involved, you don't really care about anything but yourself. How can I depend on something that can't even be there one time? This was all a big mistake. I just wanted to feel something after the wedding and what Arabella said – and, again, you were convenient. Forget last night ever happened." 

At her words, Spike felt something inside him snap. All the pain, all the hurt that had been penned up inside him snapped. Instead of the numbness he had felt a week before, he felt as if his emotions were being magnified. All the pain he felt, all the hurt, and all the love were magnified, and he couldn't contain it anymore.

 "You really do know how to rip a bloke's heart out and grind it into oblivion, don't you? Is this all a game to you – is it? Do you just want to see how far you can push me before I break? Because, you know what, you've done it. I'm broken. You've got you're bloody wish, I'm finished."

 "What?" Buffy was taken aback by the rawness in his voice. She had expected him to speak, but she never expected the kind of anger that she could hear now.

 "I'm finished. I'm finished with all of this. All I have ever done is loved you – yes, I bloody well bollixed it up on more than one occasion, but that doesn't mean I loved you any less. I have experienced more than my share of pain in the last century and a half, and I have to say, you are the bloody queen of pain. I never thought it was possible for anyone to hurt me as much as you have – Glory didn't, Angelus didn't, Dru didn't. And I keep on convincing myself that you can't possibly hurt me anymore – that it will be different the next time round. And every time I begin to believe that it really is different, you hurt me more."

The pain and sadness in Spike's voice had finally snapped Buffy out of the anger she had been blinded by, and the words he had said earlier had sunk in. Why was she being so cruel to him, and why? He had been late. He hadn't committed some horrible sin; he hadn't betrayed her on any level. It was reflex for her to lash out at him, habit. When she was angry or upset, she would always take it out on him. She didn't even realize what she said until after the fact. And now she couldn't take it back. She could hear in voice, and see in his face, that she couldn't take it back.

 "I don't want to hurt you anymore." Buffy's words were barely a whisper, but Spike picked them up. With a bitter laugh, he slid down into a sitting position, leaning against the brick wall of the alley, and took a cigarette and his lighter out of a deep pocket.

 "Could have fooled me, luv."

 "I don't. I – I just get so scared sometimes, and so angry… And it's so much easier to lash out than it is to face things." Buffy slid down beside Spike, looking desperately at him for a sign that he still cared about her. "I'm so sorry, Spike, please."

 "I don't think sorry's enough this time, pet. Not for either of us. We hurt, and we hurt, and we hurt, all because of one another. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be the reason you're in pain."

 "I don't want to be the reason you're in pain, either. How do we fix this?"

 "Tell them, Buffy. Half of the problem is that you're ashamed of us. And it makes me ashamed, ashamed that I can't be something you're proud of."

"I know. It's just, it's been such a bad time. I was fired, and there's bills, and Dawn… and, please, just wait. Can't we wait until we're good inside before we deal with the outside?"

"I don't know if I can do that, Buffy. I can't be your dirty little secret anymore."

"But –"

 "No, luv. No."

"So what then?"

"I don't think I can be here anymore." Spike reached out and wiped the single tear running down Buffy's cheek before he pushed himself up and walked inside. Buffy didn't say a word, she just stared at the spot where he had been.

"But I love you."


	15. Announcements: One Made, One Not

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – I know this is a really short chapter, but it was best to end it where I did. The next chapter is going to be long – and good. I promise. I just thought it would be too much to include it in this chapter and so this one is short. All the same – hope you enjoy! (btw, don't you love procrastination? You can thank it for this chapter being finished so quickly.)

**Chapter 14 – Announcements (One Made, One Not)**

Tara looked around the Magic Box nervously. Willow was sitting anxiously at her side, nervously knowing on her bottom lip, eyebrows knitted together. Anya had a death grip on Xander's arm, ensuring that he would not fly out of his chair. He kept opening his mouth to speak, but every time he tried his wife's nails would dig into his arm, promptly shutting him up. Dawn was sitting bolt up right in her chair, an upset look covering her face. All eyes were on the back door of the shop, where angry yelling could be heard. Although none of the Scoobies could make out what was being said, they knew that it was not the ordinary Buffy-Spike argument. If it had been, it would have been in front of them. Tara rung her hands nervously, knowing exactly why it wasn't the ordinary Buffy-Spike argument.

As soon as Buffy had insisted they wait for Spike, Tara knew that it was because Buffy was finally coming clean. At first, she wasn't sure whether Buffy and Spike were back together, but after Spike's insistence that she say what she had to say, and the looks she had caught between the two at the wedding the previous day, she was pretty sure they were. But now she didn't know what to think. Buffy had been in a horrible mood all day. Willow had called her that afternoon upset when Buffy had given her the cold shoulder, and she hadn't said a word when they were all sitting in the Magic Box waiting for the meeting to begin. The angry flicker that had been getting more and more dominant in her eyes as the minutes of waiting passed did not help the situation.

Tara found herself biting hard on her own bottom lip when the arguing from the back suddenly turned to silence. Xander shot up from his chair instantly, wrenching his arm from Anya's grip.

"That's it, I'm going back there!"

"Xander –" Willow said warningly, not wanting to make whatever situation going on worse with his interference.

"No! I will not just sit here and do nothing. Who knows what that monster is doing to Buffy back there. For all we know, he could be sucking the life out of her right now!"

Dawn snorted and rolled her eyes. "Buffy can take herself, it's not like his chip would let him do anything anyways. She's probably the one being the bitch to him anyways."

"Dawn!" Was the chorus from all Scoobies present. Dawn just rolled her eyes and slumped back into her chair, sulking as only a teenager could.

Just as Xander was about to make another comment, the bells above the door rang. All eyes turned to see Arabella walk in, a smile on her face and a briefcase in her hand.

"Oh good, everybody's here. I have something very important to talk to you all about."  She paused just above the steps leading down to the centre of the shop and scanned the room. "Where are William and the Slayer?"

When no one said a word, Tara nervously swallowed. Looking up at the Keeper, she prepared to speak when Spike's gruff voice could be heard, "Hey lamb, was just about to head out and look for you. I've decided to take you up on that offer from before."

A large grin spread across Ari's face, and she moved down to give him a small hug. "Lovely! Wait until I tell Henry – he'll be delighted to see you. It's been what – a decade since you two last saw one another?"

"What offer?" Dawn said curiously, asking the question all the Scoobies had on their mind.

 "Going to be heading out on a little vacation for awhile Nibblet. Thought it might be nice to get out of Sunnyhell for a bit."

 "You're leaving?" Dawn said, a stricken expression gracing her face. Spike was instantly at her side, kneeling down beside her.

 "Only for a few months, Nibs. Just need a bit of time to myself, is all."

 "So, dead boy, need any help packing? I'd be happy to lend you some cash if it will keep you away longer."

 "Piss off, Harris."

Tara had a sinking feeling in her stomach. _Is that why they were arguing? Something told her no. Why would he be just telling Arabella now if it was the case? If she knew anything, she was sure that Buffy had said something to make Spike decide to leave. Even if he said it was just for awhile, the look in his eyes said something else. They seemed duller than usual, and tired._

 "When are you leaving?" Dawn's lip was now quivering, and Spike wrapped his arms around the young girl, giving her a small hug.

 "None of that. I told you, I'm just going on a little vacation. But it will probably be tomorrow evening." Spike looked at Arabella questioningly, and she gave a small nod.

 "Ari, I thought you said you were going to be here for a while? We've barely had anytime to catch up, and you still have more tips about money to give me." Anya pouted, upset that she wouldn't get any more tips from her friend.

 "I'll send you weekly emails, Anyanka." Arabella said a small amount of tension in her voice. "I was planning on staying quite a bit longer, but things have come up. That's actually why I'm here – I need to speak with you all. Where's the Slayer? I'd like to get down to business as soon as possible. It is rather important."

The Scoobies looked at each other apprehensively, not liking the tone of her voice as she said those words. They all had the same thought as soon as she finished – apocalypse.

*****

Buffy leaned against the back hall, swallowing down the sob that was threatening to break out. _Why do they always leave? Why do I always push them away? Buffy had come to terms with Angel leaving – she had realized a long time ago he was right in doing so. She understood while Riley left as well, and was happy he had found the happiness he had wanted. Of course, nothing could justify her father's absence from her and Dawn's lives, especially since their mother had passed away. And Giles… Buffy still wasn't fully prepared to think about that fresh wound. She hated to admit it, but every time she lost someone else, even when Riley had left, she had found comfort in the fact that no matter what she couldn't get rid of the pesky punk vampire. He always seemed to be there when she needed someone, whether she was able to admit it or not._

But she had finally done it. She had driven him to leave too.

_"I don't think I can be here anymore."_

As soon as she heard the words, she had known he meant them. She had never expected anything to hurt as much as that knowledge did. Hearing his confirmation hurt more. It hurt more than all of the other departures combined, more than waking up in her own grave, more than saying goodbye to her mother. And Buffy didn't know what to do. She couldn't do anything.

Of course, she could tell the Scoobies about her and Spike. Finally tell them the truth like he wanted her too. But a nagging voice in the back of her head screamed no. And it wasn't the scared, denying part either. She wasn't ready. She didn't feel strong enough or confident enough to deal with their disapproval, their criticisms. It would ruin her and Spike. Maybe it was her eternal stubbornness, but if something was going to destroy her and Spike's relationship, she would rather it be her own fault and not some outside force's. 

Buffy took a deep breath and let the icy shell that she had become so familiar with protecting herself with wash over her. Inside, she felt as if she was being ripped apart, but she wouldn't let anyone see it. She would be the strong, indifferent Buffy that she was expected to be. She could hear Arabella impatiently asking where she was, and that she had something important to tell the group. Buffy knew the sooner she said it, the sooner he would be gone. _He already is gone, an evil little voice said in her mind. __You already lost him. Buffy's protective shell slipped and she found herself leaning against the wall again. With another deep inhale, and a straightening of her shoulders, Buffy strode purposely into the front of the Magic Box, ready for whatever was about to be thrown at her._

She almost faltered when she saw the flicker of pain in his blue eyes.


	16. Legend

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – It's been a really long time since I've updated – sorry about that, insanely busy. Thanks for all the emails telling me to hurry up, I'm surprised people aren't sick of this fiction yet. I really wish I could speed up the posting (stupid obligations and life). Just so you know, I've had this plot in my head _long before the end of last season, I just finally got the balls to start writing and posting this in June. Obviously (if you catch onto a few references) things have changed/influenced it a bit, but pretty much this was thought of long before the whole Spike-souled thing (which I love). Any-hoo, the REAL plot is going to start coming into play from this chapter out, but I don't know how fast my next update will be. Again, thanks for all the reviews and requests for me to hurry up – I've really tried to listen to them and get this posted as soon as I could. (Yes that is a hint to review, like all fanfiction authors, I am a feedback junkie)_

**Chapter 15 – Legend**

"Ah, Buffy, you've joined us. I can begin now."

"Begin what?" Buffy's face didn't show a hint of emotion as she looked at the red head. Crossing her arms over her chest she looked at Arabella expectantly. Inside Buffy felt as if she was going to be sick. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, and she knew that the hell that was her day was not near finished.

"Please sit down. I've got a lot to say and a very short amount of time to say it in." Buffy stared at her for a moment and then grudgingly sat in the empty chair beside Dawn. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Spike perched on the steps leading up to the library, his jaw clenched with tension. 

Arabella placed the briefcase she had in her hand on the round table and carefully took out two books. The first was large and thick, like any of the texts the Scoobies had spent night after night flipping through, trying to find information about their latest demon problem. The second was small, and looked both new and ancient. At the sight of the small book Anya's eyes grew wide.

"Patience, Anyanka. Let me get to it in my own time." Anya looked down and blindly reached out to Xander, entwining her fingers with his tightly.

"So, are you going to tell us what the significance of these books are, or are we all going to just stare at them dumbly for a few hours?" Buffy was feeling nervous, very, very nervous. All of her training was telling her to jump up and demand to know what was going on, but she knew there would be no point. If the contact she had had with the being in front of her had taught her one thing, it was that Arabella would not be intimidated by an angry Slayer. So Buffy stayed in her seat, and hoped that whatever was said wouldn't begin or end with the word apocalypse.

"I was meant to stay here for at least a few more months before this meeting was to occur. But, forces unseen even to the Powers have stepped in and, well, events have sped up and changed. You would be amazed at what free will can cause if it's executed by the right being. I remember this one time –"

"Lamb, topic, stay on it."

"Oh, right, sorry. I get distracted quite easily with over seven hundred and fifty years of memory." Arabella smiled lightly, but turned serious when she noticed the grim expressions worn by all others present. "First thing, I need to explain a concept to you that you might have some difficulty accepting. I just ask that you let me finish before you start objecting." Arabella looked around and when she was sure everyone would comply with her request, she began. "The Council of Watchers' role is to train Slayers to kill all demons indiscriminately. They have to ensure that she will not question this role. To do this, they tend to leave out important details when educating Slayers about the supernatural world. They have even gone so far as to teach blatant lies. The most blatant of all is that only humans have souls. All beings have souls: demons, humans, higher beings, _vampires. They're just not all the same. _

Demons are demons because there soul is combined with a demon essence. They are at constant battle with one another. Sometimes, the demon gains complete control over the soul. Reversely, it is just as equally likely that the soul will gain complete control over the demon. In most demons, there is not complete control of one or the other, but a slight tip of the balance one way or the other. Angelus' demon had complete control. That's why he was such a right bastard. The emotions of his soul that would help to restrain his impulses never got in the way. In contrast, there's an empath demon in Los Angeles whose soul has complete control. He's one of the most delightful men I have ever known." Arabella walked over to Spike and placed her hand on his cheek. "Your demon and soul are constantly battling, William. Both too strong to gain any control over the other, unable to tip the balance in their favour. You feel with your soul and fight with your demon. Most choose to see only the demon, _Spike. But I can't help but see the soul as well."_

Spike drew his cheek away from Ari's hand and reached into his duster, desperately needing a cigarette. She had always insisted that there was more to demons than the demon. She had just always refused to explain the vague statements she would make regarding souls. He could feel all eyes in the room on him, and desperately wanted to say some sarcastic remark. Unfortunately, he was at a loss of words for the first time in his unlife.

Across the room, Buffy could actually taste the bile rising in her throat. With every word Arabella uttered, the fragile truths that Buffy had based her entire life around were systematically getting shattered. The concept that Angelus had his soul, _Angel's soul, the entire time he had tormented her, was almost as disturbing as the fact that it wasn't unique for Angel to have a soul. Neither of these pieces of information were what were making her sick, though. It was the fact that Spike had a soul. That every demon she had ever killed had a soul. Arabella had told her the same thing yesterday, but she had ignored the meaning behind them. The full meaning of the words was finally hitting her and she wasn't sure if she could process anymore information._

"How do we know you're telling the truth? You're not human, and you obviously prefer demons to humans, so how do we know you're not just saying all of this to get us to stop killing your friends?" Xander said angrily, standing up and wrenching his hand from Anya's. The idea of what Arabella was saying flipped his whole world around, _their whole world around. He didn't want it to be changed._

"I don't want you to stop killing demons. When the demon has dominant control they are inherently bad. Wicked, corrupt, amoral, violent, and vicious. It's all in a demon's nature. But, if there is close balance with the soul, or if the soul is more powerful, then they are emotionally and morally, just like human beings. There are varying degrees to how demons choose to act, just like with human beings." 

Arabella perched herself on the corner of the desk and started flipping through the larger of the two books casually, her calm demeanour only causing Xander to get angrier. Willow's eyes were wide and looked very lost, her brain trying to process everything that had just been thrown at her before there was more. Tara had always felt there was more to the demon equation than what they had known, and all her theories were falling into place as the Keeper spoke. 

 "Still wanting evidence here, because, hey, just so you know, your soothing words are not all that soothing." At Xander's words, Anya grabbed his hand and yanked him into the chair beside her, giving him a pointed look.

 "Thank-you, Anyanka. What do you think I'm doing right now, flipping through an ancient text for some leisurely reading? This lovely piece of literature is commonly known as the eighth volume of the Book of the Soul. At least, that's what it's called in English. It was originally written in –"

 "Topic, lamb."

 "Right." Arabella plopped the book down in front of Willow. "I've gathered you're the brains – at least the brain that willingly participates, so here you go for conformation. Third passage down is the most relevant to this particular topic, but the entire series of texts are central to origins of the supernatural."

Willow scanned the page eagerly, and then looked at Ari. "Giles mentioned these texts once. They're a legend, supposedly revealing the origin of demons, Slayers, and everything supernatural in this dimension. He said they were no longer in existence. Almost every text I've studied refers to them."

 "Well, then, this text is a gift from me to you. Protect it with your life and don't let the Council of Wankers learn of it. They've already found seven of the thirteen texts and put them in the deepest vault they have. Couldn't let their Slayers know their true origin, now could they?"

 "What do you mean by that?" Buffy spoke tensely, the fragile control she had over her emotions was very close to cracking. All of her instincts were screaming at her to either run away or run to Spike. But she didn't even dare to look at him, afraid that one look into his eyes would not just crack, but shatter all of her control.

 "To be honest, I can't really say. The Council has had your breed's volume for so long it's never seen been seen by a Keeper's eyes. But that's not the point of this little lesson, we haven't even gotten to that yet. Anyanka, could you summarise the Legend of Vidhamaka and Bhagavantu please."

Anya's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. She stared at Arabella in shock, not moving a single muscle.

 "Please Anyanka."

Anya continued to stare blankly for a few minutes before Xander's hand on her shoulder snapped her out of the stupor she had gotten lost in. Ringing her hands nervously, she looked at the expectant face around her. For once she didn't know how to say what needed to be said. "The Legend of Vidhamaka and Bhagavantu is probably the most important, and scariest depending on your outlook of all demon mythology. It's a romantic fairytale and a horror story." Anya bit her lip nervously. The expressions of the other Scoobies had gone grim and she didn't blame them. Gulping down the lump in her throat and decided to be as blunt as possible. "Vidhamaka and Bhagavantu will join together to determine the outcome of all dimensions. Depending on circumstances they might reign terror, bring peace, or create something in between. There's a lot of romantic junk and some violence before and after they do this, but that's pretty much the point of the whole legend." Everyone just stared at Anya, mouths open, Dawn eliciting a small squeak. Arabella tipped her head down and rubbed her temples with a frustrated sigh.

 "Well that's one way of putting it, Anyanka. I was hoping you'd skimp on some of the more flowery details, not the entire bloody legend."

 "Sorry, Arabella, but there's pressure!" Anya snapped and stalked over to the cash register. She didn't like where this was going, and needed something to calm her nerves. She picked up a wad of bills and began to count the money, her hands shaking nervously as she tried to focus. 

Buffy straightened her back and looked at Arabella, her brain in full Slayer mode. "So how do I stop the apocalypse from happening this time?"

 "There is no apocalypse, just destiny." Arabella said it calmly, eyes focused on the smaller book in front of her.

 "Vidhamaka and Bhagavantu are opposite sides of a coin, meeting in the middle. Where Vidhamaka comes from the darkness, Bhagavantu comes from the light. They meet in the shadows after long journeys which will lead them through individual trials. Vidhamaka, the Destroyer, is said to be younger than the years, and Bhagavantu, the Blessed, older than all the years combined, but they will appear the same in time and space in similar forms, when the stars of all dimensions align and the countdown has begun. Both will affect the mystical world and its inhabitants greatly. Bhagavantu is said to be the mother of souls and the giver of light, while Vidhamaka is the controller of the dark and the child of the balance. They will be both at odds and alike until the day their paths meet. When this occurs all will change; nothing can prevent this from occurring, only influence the result. This union will be power embodied and will determine the outcome in the Days, be it for the light, the dark, or the grey." Anya's words were spoken softly, her eyes never leaving the money in her hands. Without looking up, she continued t shuffle the bills around, ignoring the silence and stairs she was receiving. She replaced the bills in the register, and slowly closed it, the sound of it clicking into place causing everyone t jump. Looking up, she looked directly into Arabella's eyes. "I've figured it out; you should tell them why you're here."

Instantly, everyone's eyes were on the Keeper. Willow was clutching Tara's hand in a death grip, and Dawn had moved close to Buffy, forgetting how angry she was meant to be with her sister. Arabella looked down sadly, and then up, her entire focus on the youngest Scooby. "The Blessed's gift is that she strengthens weakened souls. With demons, she strengthens and intensifies the emotions and feelings that the soul feels and the demon suppresses. The demon dulls emotions that prevent it from its blood lust – guilt, remorse, regret, empathy for its victims… She gives a soul that extra strength it needs to gain permanent control in the balance. The Blessed is the key to the balance."

It hadn't gone unnoticed to Buffy that Arabella's eyes had remained fixed on Dawn throughout her speech. The last words she spoke implied an idea that Buffy's didn't want to entertain. Before she could question it, Arabella continued.

 "When the stars aligned Bhagavantu was created in the form of a sister."


	17. Opened Eyes

**Truth Keeper**

A/N: Ok, it's been forever. Sorry. I'm crazy busy (as I've said before), and updates are going to probably remain extremely spread out. Thanks you so much to everyone for the reviews and thanks to all of those who have emailed me telling me to get my ass in gear. I really have tried. I do go back and look at my reviews when I'm trying to encourage myself to write, and feedback always helps. (I even appreciate negative feedback – I take them quite seriously and try to use them constructively if the word fuck isn't used as a favourite adjective in them) So, here's the next chapter. I hope it's been worth the wait! 

**Chapter 16 – Opened Eyes**

_"The stars aligned and Bhagavantu was created in the form of a sister."_

It was if everything in the room had froze, even the air. With a single sentence, the Keeper had changed everything for all those present, and no one knew how to react. Before anyone could even begin to respond to what Arabella's words implied, Buffy was on her feet and in the Keeper's face, a look of pure anger on her face.

"You're going to tell us everything right now, or so help me, I will prove that you are not immortal." She emphasized her point when the Keeper tried to move away from her, slamming the table on either side of Arabella's body so hard with her hands it splintered. Everyone present, including of Spike, shrunk back from the scene, afraid of what would play out between the two women.

Arabella raised her hands, holding the book in front of her in almost a defensive manner, the only hint that she was uncomfortable with the position she was in. "I can tell you what I know, and everything else that is known is in this book." 

The words were said calmly, trying to placate the angry Slayer, but were met with an angry glare as Buffy ripped the small book from Arabella's hands and threw it towards Willow, who caught it just before it hit her face. Buffy's eyes never left the Keeper's. "Start figuring out what it says Willow. Now, I want the facts. All of them. Don't give me any of the cryptic bull shit that prophecies usually give either. Tell me what I have to do to protect my little sister."

Arabella smiled slightly and shook her head. "You don't get it Buffy, Dawn doesn't need protecting. There's nothing to be protected from. She's Bhagavantu, she always has been. It's not a prophecy or role given to her. It's her destiny, like yours was to become a Slayer."

Arabella's words seemed to only anger Buffy further, and she responded with a noise that resembled a growl. "Try again."

 "I could lie to you if you wanted me to, but there's really no point. Dawn is the Blessed. She's always been the Blessed. She was created as the Blessed. She's the Key to the Balance. Everything will happen in its own time. It can't be determined how long that will be, just that eventually the Blessed and the Destroyer will cross paths and balance will be created when that happens. It's not something that can be prepared for. There's no evil to fight. You shouldn't fear the inevitable, or dwell on it. There's nothing you can do. Dawn will slowly become more in touch with her powers, and you will be there to guide her. It's as simple as that."

 "Nothing's that simple. Now tell me what you know."

 "What I am here to tell you is that you must ensure that the wrong people do not find out that Dawn is Bhagavantu before the End. That is _all I know. " Arabella's expression was getting more annoyed and she was starting to mirror the glare Buffy was giving her. Both women were coiled up and ready to pounce at any provocation._

Before either could say another word, there was a loud crash as Dawn jumped to her feet, knocking her chair back as she did so. "Stop it! Just stop it!"

Buffy's attention was instantly on her little sister, the other woman completely forgotten. "Dawnie…"

 "Don't say a word, Buffy. I don't want to hear it. She's telling the truth. You think I'm unaware that there's something different about me? Well I'm not. Can't you just listen to someone other than yourself for once? There's nothing you can do! So why don't you just forget about it because that's what I plan to do. I don't care if it's destiny, or some prophecy, or yet another apocalypse we're meant to avert. I don't want to have anything to do with it or anything related to it. And so help me God, if you bring this or anything that has to do with it up around me, I will not hesitate to leave for good." Before Buffy could respond, Dawn had spun around and stormed into the back of the shop, the slam of the training room door the only sound that could be heard in her wake.

Again, everyone sat tensely waiting for Buffy's reaction. She just stood there, rubbing her temples and looking at her feet for a moment before looking up, an expression that conveyed all business on her face. "Willow, figure out what that book says. Tara, could you please help her with anything she needs. Anya, write down everything about this legend you know – every version you've heard, every variation you can remember, however similar it is to another version. Xander, our friend over here is going to tell you a few more details." Buffy turned to Arabella, a look of anger in her eyes that made everyone shudder. "You'll tell him everything. And if you don't, well, let's not find out what happens if you don't." As quickly as she had turned to Arabella, she turned away, striding purposely towards the back of the shop. "I'm going to deal with Dawn."

*****

As soon as Buffy had disappeared into the back, and everyone had moved on to their tasks, Spike slipped out the front of the shop. Instinctively, he walked around to the back alley and sat down against the back wall, drawing out a cigarette out of his pocket as he did so. It had become one of his favourite places to think – ever since Buffy had first opened up to him there after she had come back. 

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think. His body was screaming at him to jump up and do something. He needed to find a demon and have a good brawl, fight until he couldn't fight anymore. At the very least, he needed to jump up and pace. His mind wouldn't let him though. It was trying to sort out the jumble of thoughts and emotions that Arabella's announcements had created. Her words had made sense, but that didn't mean he liked them. The dreams he had been having, the emotions that made him feel disgusted with himself, the possibility that everything he had felt in the last year and a half had been manufactured by Dawn's presence. He wasn't sure if he should be grateful or enraged. It was as if with every sentenced she uttered, things became more clear year and more confusing at the same time. And now he was left to figure out exactly what he should make of the news. 

Spike took another long drag of the cigarette before he ground it into the pavement beside him. His hand came to rest on his chest and he looked down. _A bloody soul.__ I've got a bloody soul. Suddenly Spike couldn't help but laugh. It made everything Buffy had called him over the years seem so funny. The core of her argument had always been the fact that he hadn't had a soul, that he couldn't love her without it. He had always known the argument was a load of crap, but it didn't change the fact that she had a reason to hate him, reason to push him away. __I guess she'll have to find a better reason now. Spike shook his head and took out another cigarette. What the hell did he want with a soul?_

*****

Buffy stuck her head cautiously into the training room. She wasn't sure what she was going to say. She could see the outline of her little sister in the shadows, her back facing towards the door. Even without seeing her face, Buffy knew her little sister was crying. She had seen it often enough after their mother had died to recognize when Dawn was trying to be strong on the outside, even if she was falling apart inside. It was a trait they shared.

Buffy didn't know what to do or say to begin. She wanted to sit beside her little sister, put an arm around her shoulder and tell her it was all going to be okay. But she knew all Dawn would do would push her away and flee somewhere not nearly as safe as where she was. She had always thought she did a pretty good job at being a big sister. Sure, they argued and didn't always get along, but when it really counted, they had always been there for one another. It had been harder without their mom around, and Buffy knew she couldn't replace her, but she had thought she had been doing a pretty good job at being the adult figure in Dawn's life. At least until recently. It scared her, the way Dawn looked at her now, as if she was the enemy. She desperately wanted to fix things between them, but she had no clue how to do that.

 "Dawnie…"

 "What do you want, Buffy?" Dawn didn't turn around to face her sister, but her hands came up to her face and it was obvious she was wiping away the tears.

 "Are you alright?" A snort of laughter was Dawn's only reaction.. "Sorry, that was a dumb question. Do you want to talk about it?"

 "Not really. Bye." The snarky teenager Dawn had become in recent months was out in full force, building up walls between her and Buffy that Buffy wasn't sure she'd be able to break through.

 "Dawn –"

 "Just don't Buffy. I said I didn't want to hear it before, and that hasn't changed in the last five minutes." 

 "Dawn, we have to talk about this."

 "You're not going to make it all better."

 "I know Dawnie –"

 "No, you don't! It will _never be alright. It has __never been alright. I just want to forget about it. Live my life like everybody else."_

"Dawn, you know that's impossible." Dawn's words were said with such conviction that it broke Buffy's heart to say what she had to say it. But Dawn needed to hear the truth, that her life would never be like those around her. Just like Buffy's would never be.

 "Do I? Because I seem to remember my life being pretty damn normal for a long time." Dawn turned around suddenly and looked her sister directly in her eyes. "But wait – I didn't really exist did I?" She laughed bitterly and scowled at her sister, "You know I've actually been able to pinpoint the exact day I was created. I used to be treated like a normal kid – I could go out with my friends, do as I wished. When I was thirteen I was treated a hell of a lot older than I am now. But then, suddenly, you became obsessed with protecting me from the big bad world. You barely paid any attention to me before, and then – wham! I'm the centre of your world. All these demons were after me, and you were constantly around. Everything that was normal for me stopped being normal. The monks gave me memories of a normal childhood; they just didn't give me the chance to have a normal life."

 "Dawnie, you know that's not true. I've always –"

 "How would you know? Everything has always been about what is good for Buffy. What is hard for Buffy. You never think about me. You protect me sure, but you never think about me before or after your big rescue. Did you even ask how I feel about living under the same roof as the junkie who almost killed me? Or how about what it felt like having to stake my first kiss? Just so you know, sometimes I still cry about that one. What about how I felt about being the sacrificial lamb for a hell god and then having to watch the only real family I have die in my place? You don't exactly bounce back from those things." 

Buffy felt ill. The bitterness in Dawn's voice and the anger in her eyes were tearing Buffy apart. All of Buffy's instincts were telling her to run away from what Dawn was going to say. It would be so easy to brush off her little sister as being upset because of the information that had been thrown at them so suddenly. But Buffy couldn't find anything false with Dawn's words. She couldn't deny the utter truth of them. Buffy couldn't recall once asking how her sister felt about anything. She couldn't do that anymore. She had never really thought about how Dawn was coping with being the Key after their emotional conversation when Dawn had learned the truth. Dawn had seemed to adjust so well, like it had stopped bothering her. Buffy had never thought to question that. Even with Dawn's recent behaviour, Buffy had never thought that the supernatural part of Dawn's life was bothering her. 

The one thought that kept running through Buffy's head was how angry Dawn was about her allotted role in life. That she couldn't be normal and like everyone else around her. And Buffy understood. She had cursed every being she could think of for choosing her to be the Slayer. If she could get Dawn to see that she really did know what she was going through, maybe they could begin to fix all the problems between them. "Dawn, I know it's hard to believe, but I do know how you're feeling right now. When I found out I was the Slayer –"

 "You know nothing! This has nothing to do with me being some higher being or whatever the hell I am! I told you – I don't want it. I don't want to be the Key, I don't want to be the Blessed, I don't want any of it so I'm just going to ignore it. I'm going to live my life like I'm anybody else. I doubt they can make me do whatever it is I'm meant to do. I can ignore it." Of course, getting Dawn to see that she did understand would be a lot more difficult in practice than in theory.

 "I thought that too when I was your age. When we moved to Sunnydale, all I wanted to do was forget that there were vampires and demons in the world, and that I was the Slayer. I was determined to forget any of it ever existed. I didn't even last a day. You can't ignore who you are, Dawnie. I would love for you to be a regular teen, to do everything that a regular teen does and just forget about everything we've had to face. But I can't do that. There's no way of erasing what you know, no way of changing who you are."

 "Your life was a hell of a lot more normal than mine is now. I'm older than you were when you became the Slayer. Do you know that? At this age Mom let you go out every night. You didn't even have to tell her what you were up to. You had friends and a life beyond the most recent demon. You got to be a regular teen in the most important ways. You don't let me have any of that."

 "That's not true. You have friends – Xander, Anya, Tara –"

 "Those are _your friends Buffy, not mine."_

Buffy was trying, she was really trying. But it was as if she was talking to a brick wall. As she stared at the angry girl in front of her, Buffy's heart broke. There was so much anger and pain in the people she loved. And it was all her fault. Everyone she cared about she hurt. She pushed them away and pushed them away until they willingly walked away and left her. And she couldn't take it anymore. She could not, _would not, lose her little sister like she had lost everyone else who mattered in her heart. "I don't know what to say Dawnie. I wish I did. It's too late to change the past, and I'm so sorry for that. Because you're right. I push everyone that I love away, including you. I hate to see that look in your eyes and know it's because of me. Everything I do is to ensure that you will have a great future. That the world that I have to live in doesn't affect you. All I have ever wanted to do is protect you. And maybe I was wrong in that. Because I've protected you too much. And I've been so focused on ensuring that you are safe that I haven't paid attention to you or what you want. And I'm so sorry for that. I'm sorry that I've made you so miserable. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good sister. The sister that you deserve to have. I'm sorry that I haven't, and never will be able to, protect you from the world I live in. And I am so sorry that I've made you hate me. But I promise to do better. I promise to try to fix things between us. I don't want to lose you tonight as well."_

Buffy was crying so hard it took her a few moments to realize that she had her arms full of little sister, who was also crying. After a few minutes of sobbing and hugging, the two separated. "I don't hate you Buffy. I just, I –" Dawn paused and her large eyes seemed distant as she tried to find the right words to say. "I need you to let me be me. To let me figure out who me is."

Buffy sniffed, and wiped away the few stray tears that were still running down her cheeks. "Okay. I think we can do that. But that doesn't mean there will be a repeat of last week, _ever. And you're still being punished for that little stunt. But when your sentence is over, you get to start being you. Deal?"_

Buffy's words were met by a shy smile and another hug. Dawn and Buffy sat down on the coach and contemplated the training room in silence for a long time. Finally, Dawn turned towards the elder Summers.

 "I'm really scared, Buffy."

*****

Spike was still holding the same cigarette he had been for the last ten minutes when Arabella plopped down beside him and took the filter out of his fingers. "Do you realize you've got ash all over yourself?"

 "I hadn't actually noticed." Without looking at her, Spike reached for the packet sitting on the cement between them. "I've got a few things on my mind at the moment." Spike inhaled the cigarette deeply, cherishing the feel of the nicotine being absorbed into his body through his lungs. It was the reason he smoked – to feel an organ inside his body working as it had.

 "Sorry about that, William. I was going to tell you everything alone, but time got the better of me." Arabella bit her lip and reached down to the lighter Spike had discarded. Opening it, she lit it and flipped it shut, and then repeated the action until Spike's hand finally came out and took the lighter from her.

 "You're going to waste all the fuel." He still hadn't turned his face towards her. He just stared ahead at the opposite wall of the alley.

 "Sorry."

 "You seem to be sorry about a lot of things this evening, lamb." He hated that he could never get properly angry with the woman beside him. He could never find it in himself to shout and scream at her, to react like his infamy had dictated he should. Maybe it was because he knew there was no point. Anger didn't faze a higher being.

Arabella reached for the pack of cigarettes and took out her own, waiting until Spike offered to light it for her. When he didn't, she grabbed the lighter that was sitting in his upturned palm. "This little expedition to the Hellmouth hasn't exactly gone as planned. I was meant to be here for months before I was to say anything."

 "What aren't you telling us?" The abruptness of the question made Arabella pause and turn her head to face his, even more surprised when she found his shocking blue eyes looking at her as well. Spike knew he had to ask the question. He knew long before he left the Magic Box that he would be the only person to get any useful information out of the Keeper. He didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to. So he did. Unfortunately, it meant he had to look at her.

 "Someone wasn't where they were meant to be." 

 "Where were they?"

 "Mexico."

 "Right. Hence Tijuana?"

 "No, I just wanted to go on vacation until it was time." 

The cheeriness in he voice as she replied finally made him snap. With a growl, Spike jumped up and spun around to look down at the woman before him. "Stop with the cryptic bullshit Arabella. What the hell aren't you telling me?"

 "A lot. But I can't tell you, because I can't tell the Blessed, and I can't tell the Slayer." The way she said the words made him remember why he worked so hard to loose all relics of his human accent. All members of the true aristocratic elite could be so patronizing it cut into a person with a simple inflection of their voice. It always made him feel so stupid, so low, even as a vampire, and even though he too had the skill mastered to a fine art by the time he had finished school. With her words, he wanted to turn away and focus on anything other than the woman sitting beside him, but he had to find out the things he knew she hadn't told the others.

 "Why not?" Arabella just shrugged and cast her eyes down, unable to look Spike in the eyes. Spike grabbed her chin and made her look up. "Why not?" He emphasized his question with a flash of his demon visage. He knew she could turn him to dust at any moment, but he also knew she wouldn't. It didn't mean she continued to let him hold onto her chin. In a blur of motion, she was on her feet and pacing back and forth, frustration evident on her face.

 "I don't bloody well know! For the first time ever, the Powers have insured that I do not have fundamental knowledge about something. Everything has gone to hell in a hand basket, and right now I am trying to salvage what is left of the job I was meant to do. And now I have to leave, and mill around this Powers-foresaken area of the world until whatever is to come comes about. I may not like it, but that is what I have been told to do."

 Spike just ran a hand through his hair and reached for another cigarette. "So what's the reason behind you bringing me along with you to wherever you plan to go?"

Arabella stopped her pacing and looked at the vampire softly. "There is no reason, I just want you to come. You need to get away from here. It's not good for you."

The pleading look on his friend's face made the resentment and anger he was feeling fade away. "The soul doesn't look good on me then?" Spiked smirked and waggled his eyebrows in his usual way, letting her know that they were alright again.

In response, she smiled as she always did when he made when of his comments, but then her face turned serious. "It always has, Will. I still think you need to get away for a while. Get some perspective."

 "Away from Buffy?"

 "You know that's exactly what I mean, and you know that I'm right. She's ripping you apart more than Drusilla did in over a hundred years."

Spike winced at the echoing of the words he had said to Buffy earlier. "You may be right, but I can't, not right now. The Nibblet will need me if something happens."

 "What if I can guarantee that nothing will happen?"

 "You can't do that."

 "Yes I can."

 "Right."

 "I'm going to be here when the real beginning happens. I'll make sure you're here too. I promise you, William. She will be alright."

 "Could you just let me be for a while?"

Arabella leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Will."

Arabella pushed up and started to walk away when she was stopped by Spike's cold grip on her hand. "I'll think about it Lamb." With a smile and a nod, her hand slipped out of his and she started walking away.

*****

Buffy stood just outside the back door to the alley. She had just stepped out after her talk with Dawn to get some fresh air, only to be presented with a scene that made her night all the more horrible. Arabella kissing her vampire, and walking away, only to be stopped by an affectionate hand and whispered sweet nothings. She was going to be ill. She was going to yell and scream, and tell the bastard off when it hit her. She had no right to do any of those things. Buffy lowered her head and turned to re-enter the shop.

She had the door half open when she heard him clear his throat. Caught, she turned around, but was unable to look him in the eyes.

 "I'm sorry – I was just coming out to get some fresh air."

 "Didn't ask for an apology, and you've got no reason to give one."

 "Spike –"

 "How's the Platelet doing?"

 "Okay. She's afraid, but things are going to be alright. We talked about a lot of things. Things that should have been said a long time ago." Spike raised his eyebrows in question, and instantly knew what he wanted to know. "No, I didn't tell her about us."

Spike chuckled lightly. "I didn't know there was an us."

 "There could be."

 "As long as nobody knows, right?"

 "You know it's not that way."

 "No, I don't, Buffy. It's always been that way before."

 "Please." Buffy looked pleadingly at the vampire, her one hand still holding the door half open, anchoring her as she waited for his response.

 "We've already had this discussion Buffy. I can't do this again."

 "Please just listen to me. I need you here." 

 "Don't worry, I was just assured by a very reliable source that nothing would happen to Dawn if I were to go away for awhile."

 "That's not what I meant Spike. _I need __you." And she did. She needed him to support her, to be there to tell her what she refused to see. She needed him to watch her back, and to keep her company as she wandered the nights. He was the only one that ever made the ever-present feeling of loneliness that had become a constant in her life go away. She needed his kisses, and his touches. She needed his arms wrapped around her, protecting her. She needed to be able to see his eyes, and the uninhibited emotion they always displayed. She needed that smell that was distinctly him, and that way it always seemed to linger long after he had left the vicinity. She needed their talks, and his advice. She needed everything that only he could give her. She needed __him._

 "It's not enough Buffy." The sincerity in her voice as she said the words, and the look in her eyes almost made him crack. Almost made him forget his anger and frustration, and pull her into his embrace. But he didn't. Because he really had had enough.

 "Why can't it be? Why can't we wait and tell everyone about us in time."

 "Because there is no us if we wait. Like there hasn't been an us. Buffy and Spike. Slayer and Vampire. Not us, or we, or any other group term, however much we shag. Because to be an us, _they need to know."_

Buffy's lower lip trembled and she blinked back tears as she tried to get him to listen to her. "Please, just hear me –"

 "I have to go." Spike couldn't hear anymore. He had to get away from her, because even after having enough, if she began to cry he knew he wouldn't be able to walk away. "Tell the Bit I'll stop by before I head out." With that Spike headed off into the darkness, only vaguely hearing with his vampire hearing the words Buffy whispered.

 "I just want to be sure I'll be strong enough to walk away from them if they make me choose." As soon as he rounded the corner out of the alleyway, she let the door slam and sunk to the ground, finally giving into the gut wrenching sobs she had been suppressing since the beginning of the evening.

*****

On the other side of the door, Xander stood slack-jawed, still trying to process what he just heard. 


	18. An Ear and an Opinion

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – Right, it's been forever. Sorry about that. This is kind of a long author's note, and it's an amalgamation of the last two months of writing, thinking I'm finished, and adding notes to the beginning. I know that the Spike/Ari part is kind of weak, and I apologize. I wanted to make Arabella get really angry, and Spike really angry in response, but it just wasn't working. That's one of the reasons this chapter has taken so long to put up. It's been a very long (and rather trying) haul to get this chapter finished, and I'm not 100% happy with it – but it was just getting to painful to continue trying to rewrite it. So sorry if it doesn't fully seem in character. (I really, really tried) But, onward and forward, _finally_. Lastly, and most importantly, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING REVIEWS!!! The one's from the last chapter have made me smile extra big and I'm so glad to know that people are sticking with this fic and _actually_ enjoying it, even though my updating takes forever (Especially this chapter). So thankyouthankyouthankyou! Oh, and I wouldn't object to more reviews! :) 

Enjoy.

**Chapter 17 – An Ear and an Opinion**

Buffy sat and looked over her backyard, slowly sipping the tea she held between both hands. It was yet another gorgeous day in Southern California, but the sun wasn't lifting her spirits. It just made her all the more tired. All she wanted was to escape for a few moments, to get a breath of fresh air and to collect her thoughts before she started moving again. The back porch had always been her place to do that. This time all it did was remind her of the primary reason she needed a breather.

It had been a _long twenty four hours, longer than she could have thought possible. After her disastrous conversation with Spike, their second disastrous conversation, and the subsequent half hour before Buffy could reign in her emotions, she had gone back into the Magic Box to talk with the Scoobies and see if they had learned any more about the Legend and Dawn's role as Bhagavantu. She had found Dawn hibernating in a corner of the shop, Anya sitting around with her usual bored expression, Willow and Tara pouring over the small book Arabella had given them, and Xander sitting in the middle of the room with a contemplative expression on his face._

Buffy instantly new what he was thinking, and before he could say a word, she had told him to go pack for his honeymoon and, with Anya's more than eager help, shoved him out the door. The entire time he had been opening his mouth to object, but she didn't let him speak. She could not deal with a pissy ex-vengeance demon on top of everything else, and if she had let him speak, he would have insisted on postponing the honeymoon, and that was not an option. She would not let him miss out on something as important as that, even if there was a possibility the world was about to end.

After a few more hours of research, the remaining women had not learnt anything new, but they had been able to confirm what Arabella said. Dawn was the Blessed, but it didn't mean apocalypse. And Buffy's instincts were backing it up, she had always felt a strange hum when there was something big rising in Sunnydale, and, blessedly, she hadn't been feeling it.

So Buffy had told the other three women to pack it in, and that they would deal with it tomorrow. When Dawn had not-so-subtly tried to convince her that she shouldn't go to school, Buffy had reminded her of their conversation and how normal it was that she had to go. Grudgingly, Dawn had headed out that morning, accompanied by Willow as she headed towards the university campus. So Buffy had a few moments alone, and she was trying to clear her mind before she had to face the multitude of problems that had been thrown her way.

Sighing, Buffy looked over he shoulder, half expecting to see the black duster and bleached hair that would usually join her when she was feeling miserable enough to make a commune to the back porch. But, of course, he wasn't there. _And he never will be again. The thought made Buffy have to blink back tears. She had screwed everything up, her now non-existent job, her relationships with her friends and sister, and with the person that mattered most. And no matter how much she thought about it now, and no matter how much she could repair everything else, she knew last night was her last chance with Spike._

Buffy reached up and wiped the tears away from her face, her blinking tactic having failed miserably. She was really getting sick of crying. Sighing, Buffy looked down at the newspaper sitting beside her. It was time to focus on her other problems, the ones she could fix.

Just as Buffy started to peruse the employment section of the classifieds, she heard the distinct sound of the kitchen door opening. Whipping her head around, she couldn't help the irrational hope that maybe it just was her vampire fill her head, only to be abruptly brought back to reality by a nervous looking Tara.

"Buffy, hi. I hope you don't mind, I left a book here yesterday afternoon and was, was just stopping by to pick it up." Tara anxiously looked at her friend, the brief glimpse of hope, and then utter despair that had welcomed her making her very concerned. When Buffy didn't reply, Tara knew that there was definitely something on the Slayer's brain. Stepping forward, Tara sat down on the step beside Buffy, not really sure what she should do next.

"Is… is everything alright?" When the only response Tara got was Buffy's lower lip trembling, accompanied by downcast eyes, Tara knew what the answer was. After a few minutes of silence, Tara took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Do you want to talk about it? I mean, it's OK if you don't. But, you know, last night's news was big, and scary, and we all care about Dawn greatly…"

Buffy caught the timid witch off with something between a snort and a sob, blinking back tears as she looked over at her friend. "I'm doing OK on that front. Definitely not great, but it's the kind of thing I can deal with – it's slayer related. I know I can handle that. It's just…" Buffy couldn't say the words out loud. She tried, but to actually vocalize what had happened between her and Spike the evening before was impossible.

"Spike." With the single word, Tara opened a floodgate. She suddenly found herself with a sobbing Buffy in her arms. She wasn't surprised. Tara had put two and two together at the meeting the night before – Buffy's insistence on waiting for Spike, the way she had looked at him at Anya and Xander's wedding, the look in his eyes when he had said he was leaving – it all screamed that Buffy would be a complete wreck once she had time to face it, and Tara was glad that she was there to help her friend through it. Whispering comforting words and rocking her friends back and forth, Tara settled back, prepared to sit with Buffy for however long she needed her.

After easily twenty minutes of Buffy crying harder than she had cried ever before, Tara's soothing words penetrated her distraught brain. With one last sob, and a wipe of her tear-streaked cheeks, Buffy sat back and looked at her friend. "I really screwed up."

With a calm that Buffy had only ever associated with her mother before meeting Tara, Tara smiled gently and took Buffy's hand, squeezing it gently. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I don't really know where to begin."

"Just say what's on your mind. We'll figure it out from there."

Buffy gave Tara a weak smile, grateful that she had at least one friend she could turn to. Looking out over the backyard, Buffy took a deep breath and began.

When I first came back, I wanted to claw my skin off sometimes, it felt so wrong. But that feeling would go away whenever I was with Spike. That horrified me – that the only time I felt comfortable was when I was with the thing I was meant to kill. And it scared me so much. I couldn't understand how I could want to be with something I was _created_ to kill. I was so angry with myself, with my feelings, so disgusted. And I turned it all on him."

"I keep thinking of when Faith was in my body, just before we switched back, she had me pinned to the ground. And she was hitting me, hitting _herself _so violently. And she was screaming. She was yelling at herself, telling herself how disgusting she was, how wrong. And just before I initiated the switch back, I looked up and it scared me so much. To see myself, with the look of disgust and rage on my face. I horrified me that I could even look that way. It rips me apart inside that I understand now how she was feeling, the pain. I understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and hate yourself. To want to be anyone but yourself. And I hate that forever, Spike is going to have the same memory I have, of seeing my face full of disgust and rage as I beat him."

At the look of shock on Tara's face, Buffy knew she would have to go into details she hated to even think about. But she knew she had to; that she needed to. Even if she was never going to see Spike again, she had to face all the things she had done, all the things they had done to one another.

"When I was in the alley behind the police precinct, right before I went in to confess about the murder, Spike tried to stop me. He pleaded with me, tried to get me to turn around and walk away with him. But I wouldn't. So, of course, being the stubborn asshole that he is, he kept persisting so I hit him, and we started to fight. He was just letting me hit him, get my anger out. And then he called me his girl. And for a moment, my heart just melted. And I got so angry, angry at myself, angry at him, angry at everything. And I beat him. I beat him until he wasn't recognizable. And he still looked up at me with love.

"And then, after the wedding, we had talked, and we were going to tell everyone that we were together. Things were going to be okay with us, and it felt so good. And then everything went so wrong with everything else in my life, so I blamed him. I did the exact same thing I swore I would never do again, but this time, he didn't look at me with that love. There was hurt, so much of it. And I realized that we weren't ready to tell everyone, that we needed to fix things between us before we could even think of dealing with the reactions of everyone else. But it was too late, and he's gone now. And I just keep thinking maybe if I had told him, maybe if I had told him before, everything would be different."

"Told him what?"

"The answer to your question."

Tara just raised her eyebrows, knowing that she was referring to when she had asked if Buffy loved the bleached vampire.

Wiping the tears away that had until now gone unnoticed, Buffy looked Tara in the eye, "I do." Before Tara could say anything in response, Buffy stood up, picking her empty mug and newspaper up as she went. "Please – don't say anything right now. I think we've seen a crying Buffy enough for one day. I just… Thanks for listening to me. I just wish… Wait, no wishes. It's just, sometimes I want to go back in time and smack myself for being so stupid and so blind… I guess it's too late for that now though." 

Nodding at Buffy's request, Tara smiled gently. "If you want to talk about it more, or anything at all, remember that I'm here for you."

"I think I'll hold you to that one Tara. I just, I need some time." With that, Buffy walked into her kitchen, determined to sit down and find a job.

*****

Spike rubbed his eyes wearily as he looked around his closet for his favourite red shirt. He hadn't worn it in a while, but he refused to travel without it. He was exhausted, annoyed, miserable, and to top it all off, getting ready for a _long car ride with a woman who insisted on listening to music, that in his humble opinion, was electronic crap created by a warlock who wanted to see everyone rip their ears off. And of course, the fact that she was forcing him to play it in his own bloody home did not help. It really was the icing on the Crush-Spike cake that had become so popular. But maybe he was just in a bad mood from not getting any shut eye and running out of cigarettes during prime daylight hours. Not finding his shirt was the last thing he needed._

Getting down on all four knees, Spike started to dig through the pile of clothing and blankets he had thrown into his closet the week before, and began to systematically shuffle through it, grinding his teeth to the pulsing beat behind him as he did so.

"What on earth are you doing Will?" Arabella looked at the vampire with an amused grin on her face as she plopped down on his bed and dug into the plate of wings she had just retrieved from the kitchen. She had been sitting in Spike's apartment for over two hours and he had yet to utter a complete sentence to her, and the words he had uttered were just mean. She had tempted him with cigarette breaks, blood breaks, and was currently trying to draw his attention with spicy wings, but he had yet to even properly acknowledge her presence. He was somewhere else, and she was five minutes away from going mad if he didn't come back to the present.

"Have you seen my good red shirt, Lamb? I can't bloody well find it anywhere."

"Oh, you already packed it. Remember?" 

Spike groaned and rubbed his eyes again. "Ari, could you please shut off that racket? I can't bloody concentrate with that shit blasting away."

"What's up your arse, today? You've been nothing but mean since I got here." Even as she complained, she got up and moved to flick the music off.

"Nothing, I'm tired." Spike spoke through gritted teeth, not wanting to get into everything.

"Right. I'll believe that one when I see you do Swan Lake in an electric pink tutu. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"William…"

"God, Ari, can't you just leave it be!" 

"Not when it's obvious you need to vent."

"Just leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to talk." Spike violently threw the clump of pants into his bag and strode back over to the closet.

"However, you are in the mood to assault innocent trousers. Whatever would your Slayer say?"

Spike froze mid motion and turned around slowly, an angry look on his face. "What did you just say?" 

"Calm down Will, it was just a joke."

"Well it wasn't funny."

Silence enveloped the room as Spike continued to pack and Arabella picked at the wings Spike hadn't even noticed. Looking at the way her friend was haphazardly throwing clothing and other items into his bag, Arabella could tell his mind was somewhere else. Much to Arabella's chagrin, the only place his mind ever went was to a specific blond she really didn't like. "What did she do now?"

Spike just looked at her with a combination of annoyance, anger, and sadness. He knew she would figure out what was bothering him sooner rather than later, he just hoped they would be on the road and away from Sunnydale before she did. If he answered her question, he was going to have a very angry higher being on his hands, and it was the last thing he wanted or needed. Of course, the one thing he both wanted and needed, he would never have.

When he didn't respond, Arabella sighed and walked over to the vampire, taking the bag in his hands away. "Well?"

"Well what? There's nothing to say."

"I'm assuming the news about your soul made her come running back to you? Because that makes you good in her eyes? God, she is such a typical human being."

"Arabella, don't start." Spike spoke the words softly, but the tone in his voice held venom. The last thing he wanted to here was one of Arabella's tirades against Buffy, especially one that was so far from what had really happened.

"Why not? Someone should say it aloud. It just pisses me off that she can –"

"Just shut it! For Christ's sake, Arabella, just leave it be."

"I'm sorry if I find it difficult to leave something be when it's obviously hurting one of my dearest friends so much. I will not stand to see you walked on and hurt like this!"

"Well then you're going to have to find a way to stop me from hurting myself, because I'm the one who bollixed everything up this time!"

At the angry retort, Arabella's growing anger died, and confusion took its place. Cocking her head to the side, she looked at Spike, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Would you mind clarifying that last statement for me?"

Spike just grimaced. For the last twenty-four hours, the words he heard Buffy whisper as he left the alley kept running through his head. He couldn't figure out what the hell she had meant by them, but they inspired a nagging feeling in his gut that made him very uneasy. Spike sat down on the corner of the bed and motioned for Ari to sit beside him.

"I just want to be sure I'll be strong enough to walk away from them if they make me choose."

"Sorry?" Sitting beside him, Arabella looked at Spike as if he was speaking a foreign language.

"I just want to be sure I'll be strong enough to walk away from them if they make me choose. It's what Buffy said, last night. I don't think I was meant to hear her."

"Interesting. And why would she say such a thing?"

"We, well, _she and I_, had talked after the wedding the other night. And we were going to give it another go, and tell all her friends. But then, as you know, I was late getting to the Magic Box last night, and she blew up at me. We argued. I said I couldn't do it anymore – fight and make up, fight and make up. That's when I decided to take you up on your offer. Get away from it all. And then, after everything with the Bit, we saw each other again. And when I was leaving, that's what she said."

"Did she say anything else?"

"Yeah, about being good inside before dealing with the outside."

"Before or after?" When she was met by a blank expression, she rolled her eyes and tried again. "Which conversation, Will?"

"Oh, ah, that was in the first."

"Interesting."

"You've already said that, Lamb."

"Well, it's interesting. Can I ask you something? How does she make you feel? I mean, I know that, technically, I've felt your feelings, but they often get skewed a bit by my own feelings. Also, your subconscious can sometimes get intermingled and certain feelings are much more vibrant than others. Plus, I'm not actually in the situations I absorb, and I only see them from a perspective, and, of course, as time passes, memories change to suit your current perspective… Sorry, on a tangent there. So how does she make you feel?"

Spike paused and closed his eyes. Every memory of Buffy he had flashed through his head and he couldn't help but relish the feelings that rushed few him at her very thought. Looking at Arabella, Spike smiled gently. "It's not like with Dru. Dru and I, well, it was all about the darkness and the pain. I don't need to tell you that. But with Buffy, it's like she makes everything a little lighter. But it's not all sunshine and daisies either. She's a challenge, always has been. Makes me have to think on my toes and I love that. She makes everything seem stronger, more vibrant, more significant. Even the things I couldn't give a rat's ass about before," Spike was lost in his thoughts as he thought about the Slayer. "You should see her fight; nothing like it in the world. And I should know – I've seen enough Slayers in my day to be able to say that she's special. When she's fighting, it's the only time she lets go and she's just so bloody beautiful. But it's not just that, it's everything about her. She fills me up and I just…" Spike paused and thought for a moment. Focusing back on Ari, he looked directly in her eyes, "She makes me sink. The very thought of her makes me sink. And all I want to do is sink deeper and deeper."

For a few minutes, the two friends just sat there in silent contemplation. Neither even moved. They just thought about the words Spike had said, and the meaning behind them. When Arabella was sure Spike had gathered himself and would be ready to listen to her, she finally spoke.

"You just had to go and say that, didn't you? And now I have to ensure your happiness," Arabella leaned over and smacked Spike across the back of his head. Spike yelped, and jumped from the bed. Swearing and rubbing his head, he looked at her accusingly. "You deserved that because you're an idiot. More so than I thought. And now _I_ have to make you see what you're being too blind and stubborn to see, and I _really don't like that girl. She loves you."_

"What in bloody hell are you talking about?"

"She may not say it, but it's as plain as day to anyone who isn't looking to deny it. What she's been trying to tell you, _you wanker_, is that she's scared shitless about how she feels and is so bloody confused about everything that if she told her friends and they acted like the small-minded nitwits they seem to be, she wouldn't be able to stand up to them. She'd bend to their pressure to dump you, and wouldn't be able to tell them to piss off. She wants to wait until she's confident enough in your bloody _relationship that she's able to tell them to all go to hell if they give you a hard time. And she's right."_

"What?"

"Please don't make me repeat the obvious. A bloody three year could have figured it out. It also helps to have several hundred years of experience, and an almost infinite wealth of knowledge at your finger tips."

"Oh." 

Arabella ground her teeth and glared at the bleached vampire. "Don't make me have to smack some more sense into you, Will." Spike just looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face. "I guess this means I should help you unpack."

"I don't really quite know yet, Lamb."


	19. Needs

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – At long last, Chapter 18. The conclusion to the first half. (Yes, I know, I know, I'll probably never finish at the rate I'm going right now) This was the ending to what was originally meant to be my short, maybe five or six chapter story that somehow expanded into something entirely different the more I planned and thought it out. After this point, The Plot is going to move into full swing – it's no longer going to be a simple Buffy/Spike fic, but a lot more. And I'm excited. So excited, that I've put a preview for what's to come at the end of this chapter. This chapter is dedicated to all those lovely reviewers out there that I've noticed have been continuously reviewing – even with my snail-like updating. (Darryl J, RaB, BlueSuzanne, Falcon-Rider, anastacia, Jen, Brandi, SheAngelus, Lutheyl, Heather B, and anyone else that I missed. Thank you!)  This chapters a little cheesy, but remember, our duo have been thinking, and thinking, and thinking… Plus, this chapter has been giving me a mean case of writer's block for the last month because I've been flogging it to death in my head for the last year and once I finally sat down to write it I couldn't. (Does that make any sense? Probably not). Well, enough of my rambling: enjoy!

**Chapter 18 – Needs**

Buffy sat down on a gravestone with a sigh. Slumping her shoulders, she looked at Mr. Pointy, and then threw her favourite stake into the ground before her. She had gone patrolling in the hopes that it would get her mind off everything. That it would help clear her head and work through all the things that had been thrown at her recently, but all it did was make her feel worse. 

It had been four nights since Buffy had last seen Spike, but it might as well have been four eternities. As each day passed, Buffy felt emptier and emptier as the fact that he had left became more and more real. Everything brought up memories of the blond vampire for Buffy, and with each memory she felt as if her heart was being ripped apart a little bit more. What made everything worse was that Buffy blamed herself. She kept on replaying those key moments between them, and in every one she could now pinpoint how she had pushed him away. She and Tara had been having long talks each day, and the good witch had been trying to convince her that she was not the only one at fault for what had happened, but Buffy knew that she was only trying to make her feel better. She was grateful for Tara's support, but it didn't help to take away the emptiness she felt inside.

If only she could see him one last time, Buffy knew exactly what she would say. She wanted to tell him everything that she had kept bottled up. Everything she had refused to let herself feel for so long. Everything that she was afraid to say once she had let herself feel it. Everything he deserved to hear from her.

A single tear rolled down Buffy's face and she quickly wiped it away. She had vowed to herself that she would not cry again. The only thing that tears did was make the pain fresh again. Numbness was Buffy's goal for the evening, and although Buffy hadn't found it yet, she was determined to at least slay enough by the end of the evening so that she would be too exhausted to think, even about him. With that goal in mind, Buffy pushed herself away from the gravestone and bent down to retrieve Mr. Pointy. When she stood back up, she found herself face to face with the blue eyes that had been plaguing her thoughts day and night.

*****

Spike stood in the shadows as he watched Buffy throw the stake into the ground. It was her favourite one, he knew that. She had threatened him with it on more than one occasion, and the memory of the first time he had heard her refer to as 'Mr. Pointy' made him smile sadly. The smile quickly disappeared when he saw the look upon his Slayer's face. It was so miserable that Spike could barely stop himself from running over to her and wrapping his arms around her. 

He knew it was risky following her on patrol, but he had needed to see her. He was surprised when she had not instantly felt him, but seeing her sitting in the middle of graveyard, so lost in her own thoughts Spike now understood. It tore him apart to see her so sad, and he knew that he was to blame for the expression on her face. He had spent the last four nights holed up in his new apartment thinking and sorting through everything he was feeling. What Arabella had said to him the evening before had been the last thing he had expected her to say, and it made everything more confusing. His thinking about things had confused him more, but the evening before Spike had finally begun to understand all the thoughts racing through his head. Spike was sure that if he could only see Buffy for a moment, things would become clearer.

When he saw the tear roll down Buffy's cheek he couldn't take it. Even seeing a single tear fall from her face was one too many, and Spike knew he had to speak with her. He had to let her know that he hadn't left and that he wasn't going to. As she bent down to pick up the stake she had only recently thrown, Spike mentally collected himself and silently stepped out of his hiding place and moved towards her. 

For a moment they just stood there, staring into one another's eyes. Neither knew what to say. Seeing Spike had been the last thing Buffy had expected this evening, even though it was all she wanted. She had convinced herself she would never see the vampire's expressive eyes again, and now that she was, she was not completely sure her mind wasn't playing tricks with her.

Now standing in front of her, with her tear-filled eyes looking up at him wide and in shock, Spike had no clue what the hell he was doing. He had thought he knew exactly what he wanted to say to her, but looking down at her when the moment had finally come, every sentence he had so carefully developed seemed utterly meaningless compared to the emotions looking at her eyes inspired within him.

"Spike…"

 "Buffy…"

Saying each other's names at the exact same time, they then both looked down awkwardly. The silence stretched out until Spike stepped away and motioned Buffy to sit beside him on the gravestone she had been perched on before. Once she had settled herself, Spike sat on the stone next to it, shoving his hands deeply into the pockets of his duster, he pulled out a cigarette.

 "Well this is bloody awkward." Buffy looked up at him for the first time with the proclamation, and silently watched as he took a slow drag from the cigarette. For his part, Spike stared straight ahead, afraid to look at the woman sitting beside him.

 "I thought you had left." The words were whispered, but they still caused Spike's head to snap towards Buffy, a serious look on his face.

 "Never said I was leaving, just going away for a while."

 "Same thing." 

 "Guess you would see it that way. But it doesn't matter either way now."

 "Why do you say that?" Buffy looked at Spike hopefully, praying that he was going to say what she thought he was going to say.

 "I had a very interesting conversation with Ari a few days ago. See, I heard something I'm not fully sure I was meant to hear." Buffy's eyes widened at the implication. She instantly knew he was referring to what she had whispered as he had walked away after their last conversation. "But, really, I had heard it before in a different form and had been too daft to pick up on it. Ari smacked a little sense into me though – literally – and I've spent the last few days thinking over a few things." Spike butted the cigarette out, got up, and began pacing. Buffy just watched him, waiting for whatever it was he had come to see. She was so afraid that it was not what she hoped, that he was going to tell her to forget the possibility of him ever coming back. Her mind was raging a battle against itself – half filled with hope, and half filled with dread. 

Spike suddenly stopped his tense movements and looked Buffy directly in the eyes. The expression on his face seemed to say that everything had finally fallen into place, and everything was clear. "I understand now, love. They're the only ones that have never left. No matter what they do, they don't leave you. And that's why you're the best bloody slayer in history. They give you a tangible reason to fight. If you lost that…" Spike faltered for a moment as he remembered the past summer. "I don't want to even think about what would happen. Never want to think about that again. And with me, well, you might lose them. But I need you to know that you'll never lose me. And when you're, _if you're ever ready for just me and that's the way it has to be, I'll be here. _Always._ Because this is the only place I ever want to be. I love you Buffy. And the way I've been acting is selfish. At some point I stopped thinking about what you needed, and only thought about what I wanted you to need. I just want you to know that I'm going to be here, out in the open or as your secret. Whatever you need."_

Tears were running down Buffy's cheeks, and for the first time she wasn't ashamed of them. "You haven't been selfish, Spike. I've been scared and stupid."

Spike reached out and took her hand. "Hush love. You don't have to say anything. I've been the one acting like a wanker and not the other way around."

Buffy pulled her hand away and jumped up. "No, Spike, you're not going to take the blame this time. For once, I'm not going to let you and you're going to listen to me for a change." His trying to take the blame for what had happened between them in the last few days pissed her off. For the first time, she didn't like that he willing to let her blame him for everything and it made her angry to think that she had been happily doing just that for the past few months, for the past few _years. What he had just said to her made her heart swell, but the fact that he was willing to roll over and take the blame for her being a basket case made her see red._

 "Buffy –"

 "No! Goddamn it Spike, you're not going to do this again! You're not going to be the one at fault, because you're not! I have hurt you in so many ways because I've been too scared and stupid to admit to myself the truth. It's not just about what I need, but what you need as well. I don't want to hurt you again, ever. I hate myself for everything that has happened." Buffy was getting louder and more upset as she spoke. There were tears running down her cheeks as she spoke and frantically paced back and forth in front of Spike. For his part, Spike just stood there dumbfounded. "And you're right – I am afraid to lose my friends!  I did mean what I said, I do want some time. But not because I'm afraid to tell them. I'm afraid that their reaction will damage us. I need to be strong enough that I will be able to walk away if that's the situation because you are what I need, Spike. You are everything that I need. And I want to be what you need too." With the final exclamation, she pushed Spike forcefully, and he fell onto the ground. When she realized what she had just done, she gasped and was instantly at his side, only to find him laughing hysterically.

"You're all I've ever needed or wanted, Buffy. It's been that way since the moment I first laid eyes on you." He pulled her down and kissed her passionately, their arms wrapping tightly around one another as they lay in a heap. Only when Buffy needed to breathe did they part, and then they just grinned at one another. Buffy suddenly looked down timidly, and then looked back at the blond vampire, a scared expression on her face.

"I mean it you know – I meant every word, Spike. I've spent the last four nights planning what I would say to you if I had the opportunity. I've been so afraid that I wouldn't be able to tell you everything. I'm sorry it came out so violently."

Spike just laughed and pulled her closer. "If it came out any other way, pet, it wouldn't have been you. There's a reason I get you angry when I want to have a discussion, or do anything else for that matter." At Buffy's look he just smirked and jumped to his feet, pulling her with him.

 "So what now?"

 "What do you mean?"

 "What do you want to do now?"

 "I don't exactly know. Why don't we just walk for awhile and figure things out. It might be nice to try and avoid all this drama for a little while."

 "So I guess this is a clean slate?"

 "Nah – we'll just bugger everything up if we do that. 'Sides, I can remember some particularly fun messes we've made on the slate we've already got…"

*****

Here's a block of text from the next chapter – for once I am ahead of myself! No character names, no descriptions (it has been edited to increase the mystery). I am posting this to taunt you all, simply because I can. :)

_ "Why are you following me?"_

_ "Hello to you too."_

_ "Tell me now or I'll snap your neck."_

_ "Go for it, it doesn't do much. Just stings a little bit. Plus, the old lady would get annoyed. Besides, I can probably answer a lot of the questions going through that little head of yours."_

_ "What are you talking about? How do you know my name?"_

_ "I'm here to talk to you. Tell you a few stories. Now will you let go of me, my neck is starting to chafe."_

_ "Why don't I just kill you?"_

_ "Ow… I guess you've been getting your Wheaties. Too bad you haven't been getting your Prozac as well."_

I'd show you more, but that would make the chapter very, very boring. I promise it will be up soon (just a few more small changes and edits to complete). If you can which two characters are in this chapter, I'll email you a copy before I post it on the web. (This is because I'm curious to see what you think is going to happen, and bribery is a good way to get people to open up.)


	20. Bonding Session

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – Thank-you all for the lovely reviews. Here's the next chapter – the story is going to be taking quite a big twist, especially in regards to its pace and focus (don't worry, the primary focus will still be Buffy/Spike). More details about things will be given when I post the next chapter. Also, I know this chapter is very short, but it's setting things up for future chapters. Hope you enjoy this one, please let me know what you think (i.e. review!!)

**Chapter 19 – Bonding Session**

_May 2002_

Connor quickly walked down the street, staying in the shadows as he moved. He had called Justine as soon as Angel had left to go meet Cordelia. She had told him it was the perfect opportunity to get away from Angelus and that he should meet her outside the motel as soon as he could. He was almost there when he sensed it. A demon. At first, he contemplated stopping and killing the filthy beast. But then he realized that it would take time he did not have to spare. So he kept on moving towards his destination. When the tingling didn't disappear after four blocks, he knew that the creature was following him. Ducking into a nearby alley, he waited until he saw the surprisingly short creature walk by. It looked like a human, but his blood was telling him it was anything but. With a quick movement, he had the short demon pinned against the opposite wall of the narrow alleyway.

 "Why are you following me?"

 "Hello to you too."

 "Tell me now or I'll snap your neck."

 "Go for it kid, it doesn't do much. Just stings a little bit. Plus, the old lady will be annoyed. Besides, I can probably answer a lot of the questions going through that little head of yours, _Steven."_

 "What are you talking about? How do you know my name, demon?"

 "I'm here to talk to you. Tell you a few stories. And I know your name because I'm meant to know your name. Now will you let go of me, my neck is starting to chafe."

 "Why don't I just kill you." Connor pushed the demon a little higher up the wall, tightening his grip as he did so. The demon tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled gasp. He raised his eyebrows at the young man, and Connor loosened his grip enough for him to speak.

 "I guess you've been getting your Wheaties on Quortoth. Too bad you haven't been getting your Prozac as well."

Connor looked at him blankly, and tightened his grip again. "Answer me, demon."

 "Okay, okay. You're just as impatient as your father." When the still grip was tightened again, and he was pushed up the wall another inch, he rolled his eyes grudgingly. "Killing me would be bad for two reasons. One, I can answer a lot of questions you have about both your fathers, and two, no one else can. Besides, I told you before, the breaking-my-neck tactic isn't gonna cut it, kid."

 "I beg to differ."

 "So did your pops. Especially the pretend one. Did he ever tell you a story about the demon that started him down his righteous path?"

 "What do you know about my father?"

 "Quite a bit, seeing as I am that demon."

 "Why should I believe you?"

 "How else would I know that Holtz, excuse me, _Daddy, was saved by a demon when you're the only one he ever told? I lead him on his path to becoming a great demon hunter – I'm still getting shit for that one, by the way. The point is, your Daddy trusts me and you trust who Daddy trusts."_

Connor stared angrily at the demon, and then dropped him with a violent shove against the wall. After adjusting his hat and brushing himself off, the short monster looked Connor up and down, laughing as he did so.

 "Christ, you certainly are a chip off the old block. You even brood like him."

 "My father doesn't brood." The comment was in true snivelling teenage form, and made the demon laugh even harder.

 "You have a lot to learn, kid. First thing, have you ever seen a vampire bite?"

 "There were no vampires on Quortoth, but my father has described them in detail."

 "Let me guess – two holes in the neck? There a little less cliché than that."

 "Cliché?"

 "We'll leave that explanation for a later conversation."

 "What makes you think you're going to survive this one?"

 "Why is it that every case I've been given lately is of the hit-then-think variety? Listen, you can't kill me, sporto. No way, no how. And you won't want to kill me after I tell you what I came to tell you."

Connor crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the short demon in front of him warily. Nodding, Connor let him know he had his way, at least for the time being.

 "Maybe you're smarter than I thought. The names Whistler. Nice to meet you." He offered his hand and when Connor refused he rolled his eyes and chuckled. After a moment of silence, he clapped his hands. "Now, why don't we go and find a vamp to bite me."

 "Are you mad?"

 "Nah – it'll be fun. We'll find a minion. They always think I'm human till the first chomp. And then you can dust it. It'll be a bonding experience. _Trust me._ And then I'll take you to get some pie. There's a great little diner I know that's open all night."

 "I have to –"

 "Yah, yah. I know about that little plan too. We'll swing by the motel after our little bonding session. Don't worry about it. Has Holtz ever told you what a gypsy is?"

Whistler started to walk down the alley, in the opposite direction of the motel. After a moment's hesitation, Connor followed him. There was something about the demon that compelled him, and his father had spoken of how he had led him down his path. Instinct told him that whatever the short demon was here for, it would change things in very significant ways.


	21. Waking Up

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – OK, so here's the deal: time has passed. And things have happened. Why? Because it must before anything happens. But instead of filling it in during the story (which would be a long, painful, boring process) I'm going to summarize the most important points. I'm sure you can find a number of fics that fill in the time between where the last chapter left off and where I've picked it back up, and if not use your imagination. So here are the main points for what has happened since the last two chapters:

1) Tara was not killed. But she was shot, in the back yard talking to Buffy. Buffy was not shot. Willow saved Tara like she saved Buffy in cannon, but still went psycho and is currently at the retreat in England with Tara at her side.

2) As you'll recall, Anya and Xander did get married in this fic. She did not become a demon, and they are together.

3) Cordelia has gone up to the higher realms, just like in Angel cannon 

4) Angel did not get sent to the bottom of the ocean in a box. Connor did not blame him for Holtz's death, because he learned what a vampire bite actually looked like before he saw Justine with Holtz's body. (Just for the hell of it, let's just say he kicked her ass for what she tried to pull)

Those are the important things you need to know for the fic, if anything else occurs to me, I will be sure to somehow incorporate it into the story or throw it in during an author's note.

Nit-picky note for this chapter (you really _don't_ have to read this): As a finance student, I thought it would be fun to say just how much money the debt Ari bought from Spike would be worth today, assuming a 10% compound interest rate and that she fiddled with the numbers to maximize their value. I didn't want to deal with the mass amount of effort 100% accurate calculations would have taken, so the number I give you here is a very rough estimate that the wonders of the internet (specifically Economic History Resources, ) and Microsoft Excel (instead of using a calculator and doing by hand over one hundred calculations) helped me to find. Basically, from my estimates the value would be around US$22 million to US$23 million today (I may be completely off and should consider changing my major). Anyways, this is just a note for anyone that is interested in how I came up with that number, and to let you know that because this is just a fanfic, I didn't stress my brain too much in figuring out the calculations (i.e. pulling a random interest rate that is very easy to use out of my ass). If anyone's interested in how I calculated the final value and where I got my numbers, please feel free to email me about this subject. (I am now looking back at this little note and realizing just how big a finance geek I have become – I blame it on university brain washing and procrastination tactics gone too far) 

Oh, and by the way, thank you for the wonderful reviews and remember: I am completely willing to grovel for more.

**Chapter 20 – Waking Up**

_July 2002_

Buffy rolled over in her bed, her arm reaching out to her side as if it went to grasp something. When it found nothing but the mattress beside her, she frowned and blindly grabbed one of her pillows, wrapping her arms around it. After a few minutes of shifting unsuccessfully, she let out a loud grown and flopped onto her back, her eyes snapping awake. Glancing to the side, she looked at the glowing numbers on her alarm clock.

_4:27_

Groaning again, Buffy got out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants and a hoody. She quietly went down stairs, stopping only to write a letter to Dawn.

_Dawnie,_

_Don't forget breakfast – meet me at the studio at 10_

_Buffy_

Buffy was starting to get really annoyed by the turn her sleeping habits had been taking in the last month. She was starting to find it almost completely impossible to get a good night's sleep without having Spike beside her. It had worked perfectly in the first few months they were together – with the winter-time sunrise hours, Spike was able to stay until at least six most mornings, and she was usually up by then for work anyways, so they had settled into a routine. He would walk her to the corner of Revello, give her a long kiss and then she would head home. After the small talk and usual evening activities with Dawn, Willow, and Tara she would head up to her room and about half an hour later there would be a tapping at her window from one bleached-blond vampire. It was the perfect routine, and she loved it. 

When the sun had started to rise earlier and earlier, they had changed the routine. And if she was really honest with herself, she liked it even more. Any morning she had work, which meant four or five nights a week, they would follow the usual routine of kiss, home, bed, but then Buffy would slip out her window and head over to Spike's at around 3 am. 

It was exactly what she was doing now. As she reached the tall building, she nodded at the evening doorman, who automatically opened the door for her and smiled warmly. He was fond of the young woman and her boyfriend – night owls like himself it seemed. He was also very happy with the fact that he saw the young woman walking down Main Street once in a while on sunny afternoons and wearing a cross around her neck every so often. It meant that they were just night owls and not something else.

Buffy got into the elevator and hit the button for the tenth floor. Impatiently, she watched the numbers indicating the elevator's slow decent up, unable to hide a smile as the door slid open indicating she was almost at her destination – Spike's.

She wasn't afraid to admit that Spike's apartment had quickly become one of her favourite places. And it wasn't just because it happened to be where Spike lived. She just loved what he had done to the place. The apartment was well sized and in a very good building. At first she had been surprised at the location and quality of the apartment, but finally Spike had reluctantly explained where his sudden financing had come from. When he had first said Arabella's name, Buffy had cringed. In typical Buffy-fashion she had jumped to the conclusion that she was playing "sugar-mommy" for Spike, but after a bit of ranting, pacing, and general freaking-out, Spike had calmed Buffy down enough to explain the actual arrangement. When Spike first said that Ari had purchased the £11 debt Spike was owed from Dracula, Buffy had scoffed. But then Spike had explained, at first verbally, and then with diagrams and evidence when Buffy didn't believe what he was telling her. The debt was from around the turn of the last century – 1898 – and after applying inflation, compound interest, and exchange rates at the right times (the mathematics of which made Buffy's brain hurt), the value of the debt was mind-boggling. Spike had just gone on about how much he loved exponential curves and inflation. Buffy was still afraid to say the number that was in Spike's brand-new bank account(s) out loud.

Nonetheless, Buffy _loved _Spike's apartment. There weren't very many rooms – a kitchen, living room, and two bedrooms (one that had been made into Spike's Room of Randomness and Weapons, as Buffy called it) – but they were all extremely spacious with high ceilings. There were big windows and Buffy figured that there would be great natural lighting if Spike wanted it, although, obviously, he didn't, and a large fireplace in the living room that Buffy adored. Spike had decorated the apartment in a mix of traditional Victorian style and modern edge. Buffy still wasn't sure how he had managed to combine the two, but one afternoon when she had nothing better to do than ponder her vampire's decorating tastes, that was what she had come up with. What she loved most was the constant game she played in finding the little things scattered around the apartment that were just so _Spike. There were obvious things – like the framed, vintage, _signed_ posters that Spike of the Sex Pistols, the Doors, and the Who displayed along one wall of the bedroom, or the fact that when you opened the cupboards in the kitchen you could always be sure to find a large stock of Wheatabix, hot chocolate mix, Glenfiddich, and mini-marshmallows – but it was the little things that Buffy loved to find. The black nail polish that sat on his bedside table, the pieces of paper that had complex doodles all over them that he made when he was bored, or her personal favourite, finding the old novels and poetry books he tried to hide from her. She even laughed when she found the child-like picture of Angel on the punching bag in the Room of Randomness and Weapons after she had mentioned him one evening while they were discussing a demon she had seen in high school. _

But what she most loved about the apartment was that she felt so at home there. Sometimes, more at home there than at the house on Revello. On one level, this fact bothered her, on another, she loved how at ease she had become with Spike. And this was the level that she realised made her the happiest. Buffy still had her panic moments about what her relationship with Spike meant. But for the past few months, since they had learned about Dawn, the panic moments were becoming far and few between, and when they did occur she mentally stopped herself before she acted on them. More and more often, her internal freak outs had more to do with _missing_ Spike than anything else. She hated it when she was unable to see him during the day or night at some point, and although their relationship wasn't public knowledge yet, she found almost all the decisions made being determined by how they would impact the both of them, not just her. 

The last few weeks had been the most difficult. Tara had gone to join Willow in England while she recovered from her "magical loss of control" (the PC term Buffy had started using for Willow's foray into bringing on the apocalypse), so Buffy had been alone in the house with Dawn. She had grown used to the fact that if she wanted to, there was someone in the house to watch out for her sister, and she had been able to spend late evenings "slaying," or sneaking over to Spike's apartment. However much independence Buffy had given Dawn in the last few months, she still did not feel comfortable leaving her in the house alone at night, for reasons that were both demon and every-day-life related. Buffy hadn't spent a night away from the house for over four weeks. Spike would kiss her goodbye a block away from her house, and she would head home, _not _to be met later in her bedroom. Buffy knew it was too risky with only her and Dawn in the house – any strange sounds could be automatically traced to Buffy. All of the extra alone time had given Buffy the opportunity to think. This was the reason she had was about to enter Spike's apartment at 5 a.m. in the morning and leave Dawn alone, even if it was only for an hour more than unusual. She had made a decision as she tossed and turned in her bed, and she needed to let him know.

As Buffy used her key to enter the apartment, she could help but smile at the sight before her. Spike was asleep on the couch, one of the infamous books that were his dirty little secret resting open on his chest, old half-glasses perching precariously on the tip of his nose. 

As soon as she shut the door, he shot up in complete defensive mode. Both the book and pair of glasses clattered to the floor, Spike casually pushing them under the couch as soon as he realized that it was just his Slayer. Buffy couldn't help laugh as she walked over to the vampire and put her arms around his neck. Spike automatically brought his own arms around her waist and leaned in to give her a brief kiss hello.

 "This is unexpected. Very nice, but also very unexpected." Spike casually leaned back into the couch, bringing Buffy with him. She cuddled up into his side and sighed happily.

 "I needed to see you. I thought I'd stop in before I headed to work." That was the other thing – about two weeks after the news about Dawn (everything seemed to be defined by that one week), Buffy had noticed an advertisement in the newspaper offering aerobics instructor certification at a gym in downtown Sunnydale. Buffy had signed up after literally everyone told her it would be the perfect job for her. It turned out the instructor certifying thought so too, and hired her as the new intensive aerobics instructor at her fitness studio as soon as she had got her certification. Buffy taught three classes in the morning, and did personal workouts for about three hours midday. Not only did the job work around Buffy's slaying schedule, but she really enjoyed it and the tips that her private sessions with the wealthier Sunnydale denizens were a very nice perk.

 "What about the 'Bit?"

 "I figured that one hour at Dawn wouldn't be too bad. And I have something very important I want to tell you." With that, Buffy pulled herself out of Spike's arms, and turned to face him, picking up his hands as she did so. "I've made a decision."

The look of resolve on Buffy's face made Spike nervous. Every time he was with her, he had to remind himself that he wasn't dreaming and that his arms around her were a reality. Most of the time he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for her to realize just how much better she could do. Even though as she said the words she was rubbing the palm of one of his hands' with her thumb affectionately, he half-expected her to tell him that she no longer wanted to waste her time with a vampire.

 "This whole thing is driving me mad. I'm sick of pretending to not feel anything for you in front of my friends and I hate lying to Dawn. I can't do it anymore."

 "Oh." The other shoe had finally dropped. He knew that it would come sooner or later. The only thing that confused him was why Buffy was still playing with his hands. 

 "That's all you have to say? _'Oh?'"_

 "Well I'm not exactly sure how you expected me to react, but that's all I can really muster at the moment."

Buffy pulled her hands away from Spike's and slugged him in the shoulder. "God, I tell you that I want to finally tell the Scoobies about us and you can't _muster a reaction. I was kind of expected overjoyed and a lot of smoochies."_

 "_Oh._ Oh, oh, oh." Spike was suddenly feeling exactly how Buffy was hoping he would feel. And seeing her sitting on his couch with the pout and crinkled brow she was now sporting, he definitely wanted to kiss her. "I thought... Well, I thought you meant… Oh, sod the talking." Spike leaned over and kissed Buffy intensely, pulling her into his lap as he did so. When they finally came up so Buffy could get some air, they both had stupid grins on their faces. "Sorry about that love, for a moment I thought you were dumping me."

 "Idiot." And to show that she meant it, Buffy leaned in to continue with the much-desired smoochies. 

Before things could progress further, Spike sat up straight and looked at Buffy pensively. "How are you going to tell them?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Glad to see that that's what you're thinking about while kissing me. I figured I would talk, while they listened of course, and words about me and you and love came out of my mouth."

 "_Love?_ Bloody hell, I thought we were both in this for the shag." Spike smirked and laughed as the obligatory punch to his shoulder made contact. "No, seriously, are you just saying this because the Wicca's are away so you can't tell them, and the Bit's running off with a bunch of girls to a cabin in the middle of nowhere for two weeks?"

 "I'm just saying this because I became a hundred percent sure it was time about an hour ago, and thought you might want to know. It's not my fault that the reason I'm hundred percent sure is because Willow and Tara are gone, and that means less Spike-time, which makes me _really_ miss you. And the fact that I'm not upset about Dawn going on vacation with Janice and her family – which it really should be, and still I can't believe you talked me into agreeing, by the way – because all I can think about is how excited I am about the idea of waking up beside you two whole weeks in a row. So maybe it is the worst time for me to get my resolve, but I don't want to have to miss you anymore and I don't want to have to look forward to waking up beside you because it's so rare."

 "I miss you too, Buffy. Especially when I'm asleep without you there."

Buffy smiled and slid her arms tightly around Spike's neck, resting her head on his shoulder with a contented sigh. "So we tell everyone as soon as possible?"

Spike just smiled and buried his head into Buffy's neck, not fully able to believe that the woman in his arms was actually there and wanting to stay there.


	22. Three Square Meals

**Truth Keeper**

A/N – It has literally been forever – I have been so busy that although I have been aware that this fiction has yet to be completed, I haven't had time until this month to write again. I apologize for the time it has taken, and I will be shocked if anyone even remembers this fic. So here's the next chapter – enjoy and let me know what you think.

**Chapter 21 - Three Square Meals**

_Breakfast_

Dawn poked her fork into a piece of fruit and rolled her eyes. Buffy was giving her the talk again. The one about responsibility, trust, and how important it was that Dawn proved that Buffy could give her both of them on this trip. She had heard this specific version of the talk about twenty times in the last week, and was pretty sure she would be hearing it at least one more time before she got in Janice's parents' car to head to their beach house.

Dawn couldn't help but smile at the thought. In two hours she would be heading out of Sunnydale and away from the Hellmouth (and her sister) for two whole weeks. She was sure that she and Janice would still be on lockdown, but they would be on lockdown on a beach. Much better than in a town where the mortality rate was so high that half the local newspaper was filled with obituaries. And of course, the prospect of leaving training, research, and anything else related to her Blessed status behind was nice. 'Out of sight, out of mind' was going to be her mantra for the next two weeks.

In the last few months, Dawn's life had completely changed. The proclamation that she was some super being that would determine that fate of every dimension in existence was not exactly something that was easy to cope with – especially when the details about what she was exactly were seriously lacking. The book that Arabella had given to them had no more information than what the summary of the Legend that Anya had told them. Dawn had refused to listen to Willow when she had started telling the other Scoobies about the more fluffy aspects of the book. It felt as if she was being told the intimate details of her life (particularly the romantic aspects) before her life actually occurred. It made her sick just thinking about it. Everyone kept on trying to reassure her that the book probably had quite a few creative liberties taken when writing about her life, but Dawn couldn't see it that way. She felt as if no matter what decisions she made in her life the outcome would be the same – what the Powers That Be had pre-determined it to be.

The worst part about the whole situation was that it wasn't just about her, but about someone else – Vidhamaka, her future other half. The book was even more vague and confusing about who (or what) Vidhamaka was. Every guy Dawn met had the potential to be Vidhamaka. Every time she met someone new, every time she thought about a boy in one of her classes, she'd wonder if he was the second half to determining the fate of the universe. It was driving her mad. When one of the boys in her class (who happened to be one of the cutest boys as well) had asked her out, she had almost had a panic attack thinking that it may be the start of the end.

"Dawn, are you listening to me?"

Too bad she couldn't begin the mantra right now.

"Yes Buffy, of course I am."

"What did I just say?" Buffy raised her eyebrow, waiting to see how her little sister would answer. Dawn was so anxious to get moving that she could hardly stay seated, let alone listen to a single word that Buffy was saying.

With wide eyes and a nervous bite on her bottom lip, Dawn squeaked out her response. "You were just telling me how important it is that I don't let you down on this trip and that I make sure I stay in line."

When Buffy's expectant look turned to surprise, Dawn knew she had responded correctly. It was getting amazingly easy to figure out exactly what Buffy would say when she got into lecture mode.

"So what exactly are you going to do with me off improving my tan for two weeks anyways?" Dawn asked while sticking her fork into the pancake sitting on her plate. She was actually very curious about the answer. Buffy worked and slayed, occasionally visiting the Bronze when Dawn convinced to come out. Since Willow and Tara had left for England, that was pretty much it for Buffy's social department. At least as far as Dawn was aware. Spike would come around once in a while, but that was mainly to tell Buffy he had found some new big bad for them to kill. And Xander had become more and more absent in the past few months…

_Lunch_

Xander put his hammer down as he heard the front door of the shop open and close behind him. Getting down from the step-ladder, he walked over to his wife and pecked her on the cheek as she set their lunch out on the make-shift table that was temporarily replacing the large round table that had been destroyed. Work on the Magic Box was well on its way, but a lot still had to be done. Insurance was covering the majority of the reconstruction costs that the damage caused by "thieves and vandals" (a.k.a. Willow) had caused, and Anya had been willing to dip into her personal savings for the rest. The store wasn't nearly ready – but it was beginning to look like a store once again and Anya was sure that it would look as it once had. It was the books that Willow had erased that could never be replaced that had his wife really upset.

"So what did you get us today, honey?"

"Skinless chicken on whole wheat and a garden salad," Anya chirped as she set the food out. Xander cringed. Anya had decided that Xander needed to lose weight, and that it would be her first official wifely duty (after sex, of course) to ensure that he stuck to a diet so hellish that Satan would be proud. Anya insured him that it was merely a diet book that Halfrek had recommended to her. That didn't make him feel any better.

"Dawn's leaving today for her vacation, you know." Anya started to chatter as she methodically set out their lunch table. She insisted that they would not eat on a construction bench and always set out a table cloth, cutlery, and whatever else she felt was needed on a particular day. Sometimes flowers, sometimes place mats, it all depended on her mood. "I thought it would be nice for Buffy if we invited her over for dinner or to go out sometime this week. She's going to be lonely."

"Not likely." Xander said through gritted teeth. When Spike hadn't left like he thought he was going to, all hope that he and Buffy were not actually a thing and that it had all been some sick nightmare that Xander had had due to stress was lost. For a while, he pretended to ignore it, but every time they had a Scooby meeting, every time they were all out, he could see it. Even if Spike and Buffy were on opposite ends of a cemetery lost in battle, he could see it. And it disgusted him. The way they looked at each other, the way they would "accidentally" brush up against one another made him ill. And he couldn't understand why nobody else could see it. But Xander would not tell the others. The words that Buffy had said that night still haunted him.

_"I want to be sure I'll be strong enough to walk away from them if they make me choose."_

The fact that she would even think that thought horrified him – that she would choose that vampire over her friends. _Her family_. He had to hope that she would get over Spike. That whatever thrall he had her under would go away with time and she would realize how wrong what she was doing was and stake the bastard. And until then, he had to stay quiet. Waiting patiently for Buffy to see the truth – that what she was doing was so fundamentally wrong that it had to stop. But the longer it took for Buffy to see this, the more difficult it was to be around her. So, he had been pulling Anya and himself away. It had been easier once Willow had had her meltdown. (Another subject he avoided diligently. _Everything would be alright._) The Scoobies were temporarily disbanded, and they were busy with their own projects - particularly rebuilding the Magic Box in Anya and Xander's case.

"What do you mean unlikely?" Anya asked as she put her finishing touches on the table and motioned for Xander that it was time to sit.

"I just mean that she's busy – with work, and slaying, and, you know, um, work. I'm sure she wants some alone time, An'."

"Maybe. But we might as well offer – would you give her a call this evening?"

"Sure." Xander mumbled as he reached for his sandwich.

Anya suddenly smiled brightly, "I almost forgot! I thought you were working so hard that I'd give you a reward today." Xander felt a shred of optimism – maybe he'd get a real drink instead of the diet drinks she had been forcing on him.

"Coke?"

"No silly – ultra low fat mayo."

"Oh."

"And a blow job."

"Oh!"

"Eat your salad first, dear."

"Yes honey!"

_Supper_

Spike sat at his desk tapping the pen impatiently on the table staring at the monitor in front of him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the paragraph to work. He just couldn't find the right words to describe what he was trying to convey. He knew he should just take a break and come back to it later, but couldn't. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave the monitor until he had expressed the moment perfectly.

It had all started out as an innocent way to pass the time late one night while Buffy was sleeping. He had been watching her and had had the sudden compulsion to write. Instead of brushing the impulse off as he normally would, Spike had gone with it, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. At the very least, he thought it would be amusing to see what crap he came up with. But to his surprise, writing was different then it had been when he was mortal. It was as if everything that he had been trying to express back then was easily expressed now. Maybe it was the demon, maybe it was time, but he had realized quite quickly that the reason he could finally write well was that he had actually experienced the emotions he was writing about. That was the key. Once Spike had started writing, he couldn't stop. Whenever Buffy wasn't there, whenever he wasn't out fighting, he couldn't help but write. He quickly moved onto a computer to make editing easier, and soon found that poems just weren't enough. So here he found himself writing a full length story – he wasn't sure if it would be a short story or a novel, a single book, or a series, a piece of shit or a work of art. He really didn't care – he just needed to write it.

_When I looked into her eyes I felt as if I was seeing everything that I had desired my entire life. The thrill, adventure, passion that had been lacking. I thought that she would have all the answers, could tell me all the secrets to both this world and the next. And that is when Drusilla said the four words that would change the course of life as I knew it. "Do you want it?" I often wonder what my answer would have been if I knew what she had been really asking._

Spike heard the keys in the door and quickly saved and closed the document, smiling as he did so. There was one person who could always tear him away from his computer – Buffy. Walking into the living room, he smiled as she struggled with her gym bag and what smelt like dinner. Wings, blood, and a chicken salad (for her).

"Hey, a little help here maybe?" Buffy asked as Spike continued to just smile and stare as she struggled to close the door, balance the food, and not drop anything in the process. Spike casually walked towards her, not saying a word as he took the food and placed it on the coffee table. Turning back around, he took her bag and tossed it in a corner as he shut the door. He then grabbed her around the waist and kissed her deeply.

When he finally let Buffy come up for air, she could barely stand. "That was nice. Unexpected, but very nice. You should do it again sometime." She smiled as she walked over to the couch, pulling Spike down with her. "Hi."

"Hello," he said, quirking his eyebrow and smirking. "Do you know how long it has been since the last time we were able to see each other at this time of day? It's been too bloody long, love." Spike leaned in for another kiss, but found a strong, small hand stopping.

"Food, then smoochies, I beg of you. I haven't eaten since breakfast with Dawnie and I'm starving. Plus, I have things I want to talk to you about, and I'll forget to if we start with the smoochies now."

With a sigh, Spike nodded his head and headed to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery, and to heat up his blood. "What kinds of things?" he asked nervously (but casually, of course) from the kitchen.

"Nothing bad. It's mainly just that Melanie from work asked if I wanted to go to a party at her place tomorrow night, and I said I had to check with my boyfriend to see if he had made any plans for us." She smiled knowingly as Spike came back from the kitchen, opening the food containers as she did so.

Spike had a smile on his face as well, as he sat down beside her. "Your boyfriend? Is he handsome?"

"FYI, my boyfriend would be you, and she actually asked if you were cute." Spike just quirked an eyebrow. "I said no."

Spike pounced; the food was forgotten as Buffy let out a squeal and smoochies commenced.


End file.
